What are The Choices For Hebrew School?
As my friends’ kids move into the elementary school years, I’m hearing more discussions about Hebrew school. The general consensus is that the investment in money and time exceeds the perceived value of the eduction and the experience. Nevertheless, generations of parents continue to engage in the ritual of sending kids to Hebrew school. I know there are some alternatives, but I don’t know much about them and I’d love to hear more from Jews around the country.
I live in the Twin Cities, but I’ve heard of families in the suburb of Chicago where I grew up (Highland Park) who are forming small groups with a pulpit-less Reform rabbi and meeting in homes. In other words, they’re bypassing synagogue membership completely.
Mixed Feelings About Alternative Options
I have mixed feelings on that. On one hand, I appreciate the desire to rethink a method that hasn’t exactly produced a high success rate of Jews who feel good about their Jewish literacy or their Hebrew skills. On the other hand, I can’t tell if families choosing this method are motivated by the hopes of a better education or are merely motivated by the promise of a less expensive and less demanding one. Either way, it’s nice to see families trying something different. Though this move could hurt synagogues, you can’t blame families for coming up with solutions on their own instead of waiting for institutional change.
Chabad And Other Options
Our local Chabad answered the call for alternative options by offering a Hebrew school option that meets only one day a week (on Sunday mornings) and teaches both Judaics and Hebrew. I’m curious to talk to some of the those families in a few years as well as the ones in Highland Park to hear their thoughts about the results.
Our kids go to day school so we’re not too concerned about Hebrew school. We belong to two synagogues and may be joining a third (we consider ourselves “Reformadox“) so our bigger issue is where to have their bar and bat mitzvahs. Still, as a member of the Twin Cities community and of the wider Jewish community, I’m curious about the newer options that exist out there for families.
Do you think Hebrew school works? (What does “working” look like in your opinion?)
Are there alternative ideas that you know about firsthand or even through friends?
Do you think Hebrew schools should be tied to synagogue membership?
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63 Responses
We are actually in the midst of changing from one synagogue to another- in part because of the religious/hebrew school education. I just was not in love with the school and quality of education at our reform temple and it looks like we have decided to join a conservative congregation because of the welcoming atmosphere- but also a focus on the traditions and importance of religious education. For me–yes–in part I feel like it is something I feel like we “should” do–but there is also an aspect for us that being a small family, going to traditional religious/hebrew school is a way to broaden my daughter’s Jewish social circle.
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Elena,
I think the social piece is an important one and it’s totally okay for that to be part of the goal as well. (At least in my non-professional opinion!) I hope the switch does well and the new synagogue feels like the right fit.
Good luck and thanks so much for chiming in here.
Nina
My wife grew up in HP and I grew up in Niles. We both kind of hated Hebrew school, because I don’t think we really got a lot out of it. I remember Ema, Aba and Kelef (spelling?) and counting to 3. I may know a bit more, but that’s about it. I can’t really pick up a bible and start reading Hebrew, and I wish I could. That’s what I got out of all those years of Hebrew school. Joining a temple is expensive and an expense I really don’t have right now to start my kids…so, I think an alternative is a great idea. I would rather give my kids an alternative way to learn Hebrew and be involved as a member of the Jewish society, than force it on them. Our plan is to actually take the kids to Israel and rent a Rabbi to bar/bat mitzvah them on top of Massadah, come back and throw a little party. Now, my eldest is just going into 3rd grade…and I know this is when we’re supposed to join a temple…but, again, the costs are ridiculous, and just not in the cards right now. I feel bad about it around the high holidays, because as I went into adulthood, I enjoyed going to services on the high holidays. It’s been years since I’ve gone; but really, do you need to be in a room with a bunch of other people praying to pray? I think as long as you do something, that’s what counts.
Heath, I have a very distinct memory of sitting at a Shabbat dinner with a bunch of college friends who all knew the words to birchat hamazon (the very long prayer after a meal). Many of them had gone to Jewish day school, Jewish camps, or youth group. I had done none of those things but went to MANY years of Hebrew school and confirmation classes. That I didn’t know such an essential prayer was sort of embarrassing and made me resent the amount of hours I spent at Hebrew school. Anyway, that is just one tiny anecdote to let you know that I can relate to your experience too. It doesn’t mean I know the answer though or that any of these alternatives to supplemental education will work either. I am so curious about what’s out there though!
We are members of our local Reform congregation, which boasts over 400 member families. Last year I moved my 5th and 2nd graders from the temple’s religious school to an independent program similar to Chabad, called Jewish Family Experience. There are several programs in major metropolitan cities, so check the web. The cost is minimal but the teachers are all Jewish day school educators so the value is tremendous. The learning is a more hands-on experiential format, as opposed to the more formal, rote learning that most of us more secular American Jews grew up with (I’m 43 years old). Class meets on Sundays from 9:30 to 12:30 and includes both religious education and Hebrew learning. A bar/bat mitzvah class is available for 12-13 year olds, and the class sizes are small. Although the teachers are frum, the classes are co-ed and there’s no pressure on the families to adopt a different lifestyle. Concurrent adult education takes place for about an hour, which is optional but immensely enriching. Hebrew learning for the kids is done in a more “Rosetta Stone” kind of way, and my kids went from begging to skip Hebrew school at temple to loving every minute at JFE. I think the temple programs are fine for some, but for our family, maintaining our temple membership but seeking an alternative to “Jewish Jail” for our kids was the right choice. Just because we had to do it as kids, doesn’t mean it’s not time for the old mold to be broken.
Lisa’s option sounds great. My son hates hebrew so much he doesn’t want to be jewish. He doesn’t want anything to do with a bar mitzvah or a party. I have begged our religious school head for help and her only suggestion was my husband tutor him 45 minutes a day (he’s fluent). That would destroy their relationship. I am really struggling on this. We live north of chicago. Any specific suggestions?
Here’s the site that explains JFE: http://www.jewishfamilyexp.org/about.html.
I cannot say anything about it personally, but Lisa’s experience sounds very good.
So interesting to hear about JFE. I just read it about on their site and it seems like a very cool option for families in that area.
Nina,
I am very interested to hear what others have to say–being on the committee at Talmud Torah to try to re-focus our Jewish Education for conservative Jews in the Twin Cities who choose the “supplemental Jewish Education” vs. the Day School option.
Aidan actually loved Talmud Torah this year–though he learned the nickname of “Talmud Torture” on the first day from an older kid…He did start reading Hebrew and they did a wonderful program at the end of the year to show what they had learned about prayers and Torah. The main goal for him was to hang out with “the crew”. And, at this point with so few Jewish kids in each public school around town, I think the social piece is a more important than the learning Hebrew and Talmud piece is– I’ve read a lot about making religious school more like camp–experiential, hands-on, and fun. Then kids won’t even realize they’re learning –just playing!
My main reason for joining the committee is to try to reduce the number of days that our kids attend religious school (benefiting working parents who struggle to get kids there after school)… and Aidan’s teacher actually commented to me at conferences that not much gets done on Mondays and Wednesdays from 4-6 because the kids are exhausted from a full day of school! I really like the idea of 3 hours on Sunday–to teach them when they are more focused and alert in the morning.
I do hope that my kids will be able to read Hebrew, but I do think that the conservative movement needs to re-evaluate what their goals are for Jewish education… There is a divide between parents, teachers, and rabbis –while no one side is ultimately right, a compromise needs to be made.
Sandy– I think one less day a week sounds very practical and I like your point about the more alert factor for Sunday mornings.
Your last paragraph there is a very fair summary of the situation. There is a divide there. I also think parents in general (no matter the synagogue or movement) need to get some clarity on their hopes and expectations for Jewish education. It’s a really tough issue as there are so many differences of opinions AND different hopes/expectations. That’s part of what makes us the Jewish people I guess! “Stiff-necked” as we’re described in the Torah.
Love that you commented here! Thank you!
I found this Chicago idea intriguing, learning for parents while kids learn for Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Once a week.
http://www.jewishfamilyexp.org
Heidi, I just read the about page and it really does sound like a great alternative, doesn’t it? Is it similar to what Ruchi is doing in Cleveland?
I just returned from NewCAJE, an organization dedication to the advancement of Jewish Education. This workshop, attended by teachers, educators, rabbis, and business professionals, is focused on tapping the climate of what is and isn’t working.
The first reality is that institutionalized synagogue membership which is mandatory to providing a Jewish education is something that belongs to a previous generation. Families today are not interested in the status of “membership” as much as they are interested in getting a Jewish life experience. Our schools and synagogues need to advance through the predisposed notion in which we continue to work and expand our missions and methods to promote Jewish participation and community.
There are many parts of Hebrew school that do work, but one must know why they are going to Hebrew School. Also, not every environment and teacher fit with each student. You have to find what fits for your own goals and your own children. First and foremost, find a place whose philosophy is more than about the education but about the child, his/her experience, and the education.
But understand there are many of us in this field running Hebrew Schools but are also trying to find solutions to making this work for more kids and with greater success, regardless of needs of adding to synagogue memberships!
That’s great to hear, Stephanie! Thanks for letting us know here about some of those new ideas.
I have so many things to say on this topic, but I’ll try to condense.
1) Hebrew School is always going to be “unfun” because it is something that is a tack-on activity to a child’s already long school day. We started off at a Conservative shul where my son learned his alef-bet and the order of a prayer service. He got the blessings under his belt and learned the birkot, etc. That said, the rabbi was rather unwelcoming and so we left. Our Reform synagogue does a very good job with making the kids enjoy coming to shul. But thank goodness he was frontloaded with Hebrew at our former temple because the curriculum at the Reform temple revolves more around reading parsha and learning about holidays and rituals as opposed to reading.
As a general rule, I think that unless we REALLY immerse kids into an experience, they tend not to understand why they are doing it. So if people aren’t really practicing at the same level as their places of worship, there can be an enormous disconnect for children. There has to be a sense of WHY. Why do we want our kids to go to Hebrew School? What is in it for them? If we can’t answer those questions in a meaningful way (or if the answer is “we all just do it” or about preparing them for a b’nai mitzvah somewhere waaaaay off in the future) well, those might not be good enough answers.
Religious education is a business that, in my experience, has little to do with the spirituality of the actual religion, which is why I’m such a huge advocate for sending kids to Jewish overnight camps. Studies show that is where kids are immersed in an experience which influences their spirituality and their connection to the spiritual world like few other experiences. It involves total immersion, and — yes — one must be careful to choose the right summer camp.
Personally, I happen to love Chabad, and if there had been an option to go to Chabad twice a week, I would have gladly sent my son to study with the rabbi there. I love everything that is going on at our local Chabad, but each community has its own Chabad leaders, so one must be careful not to make broad generalizations. Some leaders are better than others. If Chabad has a good reputation in your area, I urge you to check it out. They do a beautiful job teaching through daily living which I find appealing, educational and low pressure.
{All this from a woman whose son made his bar mitzvah, is at Jewish summer camp for the entire summer, and is on his way to confirmation.}
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Renee,
As far as I’m concerned you’re spot on with everything. My experience with Hebrew school growing up sounds a lot like what your son has now. I think if I had gone to a Jewish camp I might have learned a lot more. As it happened, only Jews seemed to go to my camp, but it wasn’t a “Jewish” camp.
Your point about the questions families need to be asking themselves is exactly what I was hoping to get to in this post as well. I don’t think there is right answer–each family has its own. But blindly doing something simply because it’s always been done hasn’t been yielding such great results.
As for the spirituality issue . . . I can’t imagine how that would ever be taught in schools. A big piece of that has to come from the home, from conversations about God and our responsibilities in the world towards other people. If it’s all outsourced to schools . . . it feels sort of hopeless.
I know we’re on the same page! And it’s just a topic that I care about even though it doesn’t directly effect my children. (Maybe that’s my good deed for the year!?)
Renee,
Religious and Hebrew School have unfortunately become institutionalized and business oriented and have often left the business motivation drive the practice. I never intended to be part of a synagogue educational “system” but having found myself here, I am much more interested in the success of each of our students than I am about growing the congregation, making everyone “feel good,” or teaching some curriculum.
I can’t imagine having a huge school where I could barely learn the names of the students, let alone having a personal relationship and know where each child is in his or her progress.
I encourage kids to come to Hebrew school but am just as willing and ready to set up private tutoring situations that may be in the better interest of the child’s success than enrollment in the school. The sad part about that is, that it does not lend itself to job security…but I never really wanted this job, so I’d rather see the kids succeed!
We live on LI and have been members of a local Chabad chapter for 7 years now. Both of my children began Hebrew School in Kindergarten, rather than the traditional 3rd grade that most synagogues begin classes. My daughter has excelled in the Alef Champ program used by Chabad, and is reading Hebrew and prayers fluently, a full two years before her Bat Mitzvah. They also provide strong Jewish pride, focusing on holidays and mitzvot.
Classes are once a week for 2 hours. While we don’t have dues or membership to pay, we have a strong sense of community and we are proudly, drama free. Our Rabbis and Rebbitzens run the show. Our numbers have grown from 30 children to over 90 in the past 7 years, with children running into the building, excited to learn. They are doing something right!
They do seem to have a handle in many of cities for what people are looking for!
Barbie,
Your kids only go 2 hours/week and read fluently? Do they have a lot of homework? Online practice at home? What about parents who don’t know how to read Hebrew and can’t help them at home? I am very curious about this because right now the only reason that our educational leaders are giving us for needing to attend 3 times per week is that the kids need the repetition to learn Hebrew; thus dropping from 3 to 2 days/week is a concern of theirs. I would love to hear more!
Interesting questions — we are so far from this point right now, since our son isn’t even 2 yet, but I’d be curious to hear more from you and your readers on this topic!
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It has been a great conversation over here! I’m making some new and surprising and conclusions and writing it all up for The Forward. Stay tuned!
In the same context of your ‘Rise of the Reformadox’ post, we needed something different than our parents. For all the reasons you elucidated we found a small community of like-minded reform/conservative escapees who have huddled around open-minded frumsters that want to ‘share the light of torah wisdom.’ The frumsters genuine enthusiasm for their orthodoxy has translated into enjoyable and meaningful learning for both the adults and children. “Daddy, why isn’t there Hebrew school this Sunday?” is an actual question. Our group is also called the Jewish Family Experience but we are in Cleveland, Ohio. We’ve been doing this gig since maybe 2004 and it’s wonderful. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Sruly and Ruchi Koval are to blame for this mess and nobody knows what to call us either. Reformadox? We like to call ourselves Just Jewish. Check us out at https://www.jewishfamilyexperience.org/
Thanks so much for commenting, Randy. Ruchi and I met through our blogs, and her brother-in-law and his wife were wonderful friends of our when they were working for the Kollel in Minneapolis. I love how you described the group huddled around open-minded frumsters. Yes, that’s us too. 😉
I don’t have the time to read all of the other comments (most unfortunately) so what I am about to write might be repetitive. So sorry.
In Cleveland we have started a group called JFX (Jewish Family Experience). It was inspired by an Orthodox Rabbi and his wife who were on a “mission” to do outreach and some “Reform” and “Conservative” families who were either actively looking for alternatives to traditional Jewish outlets or who were at least open to new experiences.
I myself was one of the people who was actively looking. Under no circumstances was I going to subject my offspring to anything that resembled the Conservative Hebrew School that I begrudgingly attended as a child. It was horrible. It drove me away from Judiasm, not toward it. I had a sick feeling that if my family continued on this way that we wouldn’t be Jewish that much longer. There was pretty much no Judaism going on in our home (mine and my husbands).
We got lucky. We met the nicest person in the world (our rabbi) and the smartest person in the world (his wife). Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little. But you get the point. We loved these people. We respected them. And they cared about us. When we asked them to start a Sunday school so that our children could learn about Judaism from people that actually were inspired by the religion, they had a school set up within 3 months. We met at The Shaker Heights Nature Center in the beginning and now we meet at a private girl’s school. We rent different locations for simchas and events. I think it works beautifully for us and the price is right. Others in our group long for a permanent home for JFX and are working hard to make that happen.
The rest, as they say, is history. And to be even more cliche’, I could write a book about it.
Now a group of 70 families in Cleveland really fits into your Reformodox mold. Reading your post from a year ago sent me into a fit of hysterics. I walk around saying “I’m Just Jewish” but now I’m going to start using your more fitting term. Many of the families have koshered their kitchens. Some go to the mikveh. Most do some form of a Friday night Shabbat dinner. Almost everyone still drives on Shabbat. All have changed their lives for the better because of the experience.
I love that you can relate to the Reformadox world. People often say to me, “Aren’t you really just describing Conservative Judaism.” And I will say, “Maybe in theory, but it’s not what’s really happening with members of Conservative synagogues in practice.” It is ALL semantics and I know that. But you absolutely know the kind of life I am describing . . . we are attracted to tradition, but not at a point (and I don’t really intend to ever be) where we could take on everything. I think of where I started and feel pretty good about where I am.
But I digress! My quick question for you and Randy and others in programs like these is this: What happens when it’s time for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? That’s what people are asking me. They like this idea of an alternative to the big suburban shul, but, then they can’t imagine what to do when it’s Bar and Bat Mitzvah time.
I can’t speak for everyone in JFX, but this is how I see it. I boy becomes a bar mitzvah on the date of his 13th Hebrew birthday. A girl becomes a bat mitzvah on the date of her 12th hebrew birthday. Done. No Torah reading. No relatives. No festivities. Everyone must understand that fundamental point before going further.
What we decide to do about this is highly personal. The obvious is take the child to Israel, possibly having some type of ceremony there to mark the milestone. Some boys choose to study long and hard with a Rabbi and participate in conducting a service with a Torah reading. Some girls also study with the Rabbi and either participate in a Havdalah service or deliver a speech and sing some prayers at a less formal women’s only event.
Some families mark the milestone with what looks eerily similar to a New York Tri-state Area Disco Bar Mitzvah. Always fun for the kids, somewhat less fun for the adults.
More and more families are choosing to do some form of a ceremony that includes friends and family from near and far and then having a dance party, but forgoing the sit down dinner shabang. It’s just too expensive for many families. They are opting for the disco part of the party and then serving drinks and desserts instead.
Today I had a conversation with a creative mom who was toying with the idea of having her son create art to mark the milestone and then having an art gallery feeling to an event involving drinks and food. There would also be a Havdalah service.
For my own daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, we really wanted to have a women’s only event. Okay, I’m biased, but it was magical. It was in my backyard on a warm summer day. My daughter gave a beautiful speech, our Rebbitzen spoke, and my daughter sang lovely songs. We had a Vegan Kosher buffet lunch (cause that’s how we roll). I hired teachers to give art lessons to the kids and we had a Henna Tattoo Artist (also, cause that’s how we roll). I got tons of flowers from our local farmer’s market and made the centerpieces. Other decorations I made myself with some outside assistance. It was beyond personal. That same weekend, we hosted a Havdalah service and dinner (also in our backyard)for family and during the women’s event my husband took the men (mostly relatives) to a Cleveland Indian’s game.
Many Bar Mitzvah families have rented out a local synagogue that is now owned by a local university. We can have the full davening there (men and women sit seperately) and any party the family would like either at that location or at another location.
It’s all very, very personal.
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Love these details! Thank you! And just liked your blog on FB. 😉
I’m also a membe of the Jewsih Family Experience in Cleveland, OH. I’m not sure if either Randy or Wendy responded to your Bar/Bat mitzvah question. My children are not at that age yet, so I am responding as an audience member. Rabbi Sruly and Ruchi Koval have managed to find a balance between halacha and participants’ desires. Though they are Frumsters from birth, they somehow, and amazingly so, understand where our congregation is coming from and things that may set off the grandparents 🙂 I’m just being real. They so beautifully and intricately do not compromise their standards for the sake of aquiring new and maintaining current members. They may compromise in order to please someone, but will not compromise with regards to halacha. Am I making sense? For example, they may say they can add something or take away something from the traditional service because the bar mitzvah will still be “kosher.” They have explained to us what becoming a bar or bat mitzvah means in a way that is meaningful and usually sets people at ease with why the disco ball party, that looks like a wedding, isn’t necessary. Rabbi explains throughout the bar mitzvah, what a bracha means and why it’s significant. I hope I am explaing myself clearly and doing Rabbi and Ruchi justice. They successfully synthesize two worlds who are often, and mistakenly, at odds with each other. Sorry ab/ any typos. I’m running to get my kids. Thank you for your blog post!
Thank YOU for sharing some more details of what the experience has been like for you. What I’m getting from you and some of your fellow JFE friends is that you have all come together through some common goals of making Judaism relevant and meaningful for you and your kids. It can’t be a one size fits all mentality. We have done this in our family . . . but we have always struggle to find exactly where we belong. (That’s why we’re at 2.5 synagogues!)
My husband and I became observant with the guidance of Rabbi and Rebbetzin Ruchi Koval via their “birth” of JFX in Cleveland,Ohio. I grew up conservative;my husband reform. Rabbi and Ruchi introduced us to a unique style of learning more about our Judaism by integrating and involving our family in the process. Your children learning about Jewish values while mom and dad are learning about Jewish values in the room next door.Brilliant! No curb-side drop off, see you in three hours while u learn and I go shopping(this is what me and my husband were accustomed to growing up). Yes!Hebrew school can work. Rabbi and Rebbetzin have a gift of being able to connect to each and every individual regardless of his or her religious level of observance. Their wisdom of Judaism and their passion for sharing the beauty of what it means to be Jewish has enabled them to succeed in their efforts to spread the love to their extended Jewish Family- their JFX Hebrew school.
I think it’s pretty cool that JFX started for the adults and later grew enough for the adults to want the Kovals to start a program for children . . . as opposed to EVERYTHING being about the kids. Adults need to have some passion too for the kids to not find their piece of the education total drudgery. I think that’s a key to all this.
Good topic Nina! I struggle with this one. First, let me say that I actually liked Hebrew School and feel that between my education there and Ramah, I really learned way more than most people I know. On the flip side, my husband has very little positive to say about his Jewish education growing up. We belong to the conservative shul that I grew up at because it means more to me than it does to him.
That said, I really don’t know if we will be able to stay there and put our children through 6 hours of religious school a week starting in second grade. I think it is A LOT to add on to any kid’s schedule especially with homework and everything else. My oldest has special needs and I have a feeling that 6 hours added on to her week is just going to be too much for her. I know I want my kids to have the education but I have not yet figure out the best way to go about it.
Susan,
I didn’t realize you went to Ramah. Bryan was “rosh sport” for a bit, but he was four years older. Thought you might be amused to know that. I think my yiddishe neshama would have thrived at Ramah. I was seemed to have been born somewhat naturally curious about Judaism and into it all—far more than I “should have been” given my education in it and practice at home, etc. I did not become more into it all FOR Bryan . . . Bryan and I liked each other right away because our shared interest. I hope I’m making sense. ANYWAY, Ramah and any good Jewish camp is probably more productive than Hebrew school. At least it’s positive and not a tag on to school but an every day experience–even if just for the summer.
What do you think about these home groups forming in HP? Do you know what I’m talking about? Have you heard chatter about it?
A friend of mine preferred to keep Sunday a family day, as it was her husband’s only day off from work. So rather then enroll her kids in Hebrew or Sunday school, she hired a private tutor to fulfill both roles and teach her boys individually. The teacher is orthodox and personalized the lessons to the boys’ interests. They didn’t dread the lessons and she prepared them for Bar Mitzvah as well.
Where did they have the Bar Mitzvah? I ask because I’m now examining that piece of the puzzle. Thanks!
Hey Nina,
They are holding the older boy’s Bar Mitzvah in Israel next summer and plan to do the same for the younger one, as well. Hope this helps!
Nina- there is so much more to this conversation then just alternatives to supplemental school… just addressing our situation in Minneapolis, I have found that there is no better place then TT. I have 3 TT high school graduates. They are currently living Jewishly at each of their colleges. Keeping kosher, attending hillel, seeking out Jewish peers. Even one who works, as a sub at a Jewish afternoon supplemental school in Madison.
If people are only looking for a Bar or Bat mitzvah for their children then I think they will be unhappy and resentful of the time and money that this choice of education brings with it. I will tell you, I also have a son at Camp Ramah and he had a great part in the Hebrew only play and 1 parent commented that she didn’t realize a TT education could give them those skills and she didn’t need to pay for day school all of those years. 🙂
Of course, kidding aside we have taught our kids that sometimes the things that matter most take a lot of hard work, time, money and yes stress. Including doing well academically, excelling at a sport or instrument and being a knowledgable and and active Jew. This does not just happen because we want it to, it is through a lot of effort.
Thank you for opening this up (although I sense a bit of a bias against TT) it is a really important discussion for our community and the Rabbis and educators are hopefully reading your blog and responses to it.
and Shabbat Shalom!
Hi Leslie! I’m so glad I saw this before Shabbat. First, Shabbat shalom to you too! I’m so grateful you responded to the post. I really meant no bias against TT. I have no horse in that race at all. We belong to Beth El and are every supportive of Jewish education in general. I’m just responding to the chatter I hear out there and the frustrations parents have with after school choices no matter where they are. It happens that we’re in a small community and even the after school choices are limited. But it’s the same issue in bigger cities as well.
I wanted to respond to your particular situation with the Jewish values that stuck with your kids. Wouldn’t it be fair to say that your home environment contributed to the future decisions your kids made? I’m not saying TT can’t take some credit, but I wouldn’t discredit the messages that you instilled in your home. Ramah would also have been a major contributor as well. All things being equal in schools (and I’m including day schools), what happens in the home probably matters most of all. (In my opinion!)
As it turns out, this has opened up so much conversation that I’ll be talking to even more people on all sides of the equation and writing it up for a Jewish paper. Maybe I can get some quotes from you about a positive experience at an after-school Hebrew school because that point of view needs to be represented as well. Thank you, really, for speaking up.
Nina 🙂
Nina,
Great discussion piece! We have tried three different Hebrew Schools over the past 11 years. We joined a second synagogue to send our youngest two children to their Hebrew School because my younger son was so unhappy at TT and most of his friends were going to Temple Israel (which is reformed and we are conservative). It has been better than TT but he still dreads it. (But he will stay there through his Bar Mitzvah for sure!) I actually like the idea of kids meeting with the rabbi in smaller groups and they will probably get more out of it. There is the social component of being at Hebrew School and religious school with hundreds of other Jewish kids that I appreciate but the quality of learning is probably better with a smaller, more intimate group. We forced my oldest son, who will be a high school junior to continue going to TT/Confirmation through last year to keep his connections with his Jewish friends strong (he goes to a private school). This year, however, he will be meeting one on one with a rabbi instead of continuing TT and honestly for him, I think this will be a much a much more meaningful experience. It is not an easy choice, but like many aspects of parenting, there is no “right” way to do this: trust your instincts, and know that if it doesn’t work the way you were hoping, you can try something different.
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Julie! Great comment. Thank you! I think you’ll appreciate the comment from my blogging friend Jeannie below who is confused by people like you and me who find themselves at several different shuls. It is hard to explain why it’s hard to get everything you need in one place. It does seem to be true though. At least for us!
I love your model of a continuing post-bar mitzvah education that is personal and deep.
My children were day school kids for many years and then things changed so we had to move them to public school.
They don’t get as much out of Hebrew school as they did in part because it is an unfair and unrealistic comparison. There is no way they could learn as much in a few hours as opposed to it being tied into the curriculum.
But there is also a problem because many parents dump their kids off because it is something they “think” they should do but they don’t do anything to help their kids understand why they are there.
If you make it a chore/work it shouldn’t surprise you when your kids view it that way too.
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Hey Josh– thanks so much for commenting on this topic. It’s brought up all kinds of other questions for me about what we’re doing in our community and why. As in, why is there so much focus on a bar or bat mitzvah and so little focus on so many other aspects of Jewish tradition. This one tradition requires so much prep and cost (for money and time) and for what exactly? I’m now examining the WHY of bar and bat mitzvahs. In many Orthodox circles you simply become a bar mitzvah, even without reading from the Torah or leading a service. Same goes for becoming a bat mitzvah. How did the focus get so skewed for the rest of us? Anyway, didn’t mean to pose these questions to YOU. Just examining further now. I’m writing it all up for The Foward soon. Would welcome any new thoughts!
My kids were both at Jewish Day School (in Phoenix) and so just started tutoring with our Conservative Shul’s cantor about six months prior to their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Over the years and due to some changes in schools, particularly for my son, who is now eighteen, he attended Hebrew School when he needed to both at our synagogue and at Chabad.
All in all, I believe that my knowledge as a parent has given them their greatest Jewish belief of all. I was raised by two Holocaust Survivor parents who, due to their wartime experiences, didn’t provide Jewish education to me or my siblings so at the age of 21 I began taking classes and teaching myself, which does mean that I treasure my Judaism and knowledge everyday.
To me, when the kids finish their Bar/Bat Mitzvah, that’s when the real raising begins. There are so many wonderful Jewish community programs for teens in Phoenix that I can’t even imagine how many there are in larger Jewish communities like the Twin Cities and Cleveland. But, through Chabad’s CTeens and Friendship Circle, NCSY (best trips to Israel ever), Hebrew High, and other diverse programs, there are helping hands all over the Jewish community ready to assist parents in raising their Jewish child to adulthood.
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Love this perspective about what kids can do AFTER 13. Unfortunately, for so many the education ends at 13 rather than begins. I think–in defense of Hebrew schools–parents have unrealistic expectations of what can be accomplished or many some parents have not put a lot of thought into the expectations in the first place. I’m still thinking about this issue and examining why we in the non-Orthodox world put so much focus on the Bar and Bat Mitzvahs anyway.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience!
I’m curious why you would need to join more than one synagogue. The church is supposed to meet the Christian’s needs in religious education, worship and fellowship. A Christian might switch from one church to another when they aren’t satisfied, but there are few who “play the field” and perhaps fewer still who belong to more than one.
I’m curious about this. 🙂
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Jennie–this is such a good and fair question and one that is so hard to answer. It’s not true for everyone, but it also not ONLY true for us. In our case, Bryan and I are a bit more “religion-leaning” than what is typical at the non-Orthodox synagogues in town. That said, we are not Orhtodox. So it leaves us in a strange position!
Nina and all you passionate parents thinking about .jewish education, please join a great discussion on Facebook at JEDLAB where we discuss all things connected to Jewish Ed. And there are many conversations about Hebrew schools and exciting ideas that are out there. I hope it is okay o mention this on your blog, if not apologies!
It’s great! Will you put the actual link to the page though?
My experiences in Jewish education for my kids are obviously different than most of the readers here because I raised my kids in Israel. But I grew up in Detroit and HAD to go to Hebrew School until I was 16 and well remember the way that it really turned me off of Judaism. It wasn’t until a teen trip to Israel that I discovered that Judaism and Israel were something that I wanted in my life.
The most depressing comment that I saw here was from someone who wrote that her son “dreads” Hebrew school but, of course, will stay there until he’s Bar Mitzva’d. That’s an unfortunate lesson to give to a kid about the importance of Jewish education and identity. He’ll be Bar Mitzva’d when he hits his 13th birthday, regardless of the classes that he’s taken, the ceremony that he undergoes, the reading that he does in the temple/synagogue or whether he spends his 13th birthday in shul or on the beach. The Bar Mitzva is a boy’s 13th birthday…the age at which he joins the Jewish community. (for girls, it’s 12, regardless of the current custom of “celebrating” it on her 13th birthday). It’s unfortunate that the organized Jewish community has created a situation in which “being Bar/Bat Mitzva’d” is dependent on a temple/synagogue celebration which is, in turn, dependent on Hebrew school attendance which is, in turn, dependent on temple/shul membership…..Ugg.
I do online content writing in Israel and, thank God, have more than enough work. But when I was offered the chance to work for an Online Hebrew School I jumped at it for exactly the reasons that I spelled out above.
The Jconnectlearning.com is a dynamic home-based Jewish learning environment in which students join for one or two hours every Sunday morning (10:00 CST — students can choose whether they want to participate for 1 hour or 2). The classes are a Hip Hop Hebraics class of modern conversational Hebrew and a class that explores Contemporary Jewish Issues.
It’s for teens and pre-teens (aged 11 and up)and addresses the issue of how to make learning about Israel and Judaism engaging, vibrant and interactive and something that they WANT to in preparation for and for Jewish learning after their Bar/Bat Mitzva.
The classes are asynchronous, meaning that there’s no “frontal teaching” — concepts are introduced and the kids delve into those thoughts via online tools that allow them to exchange ideas while they internalize and explore the material.
The 2013-2014 course begins in October. Kids (and their parents) can attend the first class (Oct 6) for free before they decide whether they want to sign up. More information is on the website http://www.jconnectlearning.com
Participation in the course includes two Shabbatons at the Margolin Hebrew Academy in Memphis (a co-sponsor of the program) where the kids meet and share a Shabbat experience in a vibrant community atmosphere.
Would love to communicate with anyone who’s interested — please contact me at laurierappeport@gmail.com
Sounds like such an interesting concept, Laurie! Thanks for sharing it here.
Hi Nina,
Just found your blog and this post, loved reading through the comments. As a young adult, it wasn’t too long ago I was in Hebrew School and now I am unpacking what I learned, trying to figure out a meaning and understanding the purpose of Hebrew School, especially for families who have little or no Jewish experiences inside of the home. There is so much I’ve done since my Bat Mitzvah and as a young adult that has formed my Jewish Identity. At 13, my parents spent too much money to throw me a party and memorize words which held little meaning to me. Summer camps, youth groups, college Hillel and weekend retreats have been the experiences which remind me that I want to lead a Jewish life, not my parents having to find a babysitter twice a week to drive me to Hebrew School after a long day at my public school. There are various alternative options popping up as I think most synagogues are recognizing the current models aren’t engaging to students. Parents are usually uninvolved and aren’t sure themselves why they are spending their money besides the fact that they are “supposed to”. In Colorado we have “adventure rabbi”, which offers alternative nature based experiences for bar mitzvah age kids. Other Jewish environmental movements are growing in popularity too, it’s really interesting! Thanks for a though provoking post and discussion, I hope when I have children and they are old enough for Hebrew School there will be more opportunities for experiential learning and to get the parents involved too.
My background is not too different from yours, Becca. (One of daughters is Rebecca by the way. Obviously I think it’s a beautiful name!) I learned and valued so much more about Judaism from the years AFTER my Bat Mitzvah. Most of my college friends came from Jewish camp/Day School backgrounds and their enthusiasm and pride wore off on me. Our kids go to day school for that reason. I sort of envy the knowledge and comfort my kids have so easily. I can still barely follow along in a service.
Thanks so much for reading the post and for commenting. I think there WILL be more alternatives by the time you have kids. There are definitely synagogues experimenting with new models. I’ve learned of several just from the comments here!
You can read my response to this post at: http://jewschool.com/2013/09/07/30810/impact-of-hebrew-school/
Nina,
This is so interesting to me. I think that all religions experience this questions of alternatives. I’m Catholic, although my husband is not, so what and how to raise the kids has cause many heated discussions. In the end, I took the reins, and they’ve attended faith formation classes at the Catholic Church. They attend public school, because the Catholic School is $18K per year (X4 kids = insanity). Yet I’ve struggled with the designated ages for the sacraments, especially since I have some children with special needs, and I want them to fully understand what’s happening. This is just some of my religious struggles, and there are so many more. I need to find a reformed Catholic Church. Perhaps, with Pope Francis, that’ll happen sooner than expected.
There are definitely parallels in Catholicism. I’ve had some friends here tell me that as well! Thanks for taking the time to comment on this one, Allie.
Fortunately there is a rise in alternatives to the traditional model. My organization, ShalomLearning is one of those. We just started our third year, and more and more synagogues across the country are using our program because it’s fun and it gets the parents involved. The values based curriculum incorporates both technology and experiential learning. Students learn to think about everything/make decisions with a Jewish lens – not just when they are in class or at synagogue – all the time.
The program is also available to unaffiliated families as an online only option. (Not only is this more affordable, it’s also more convenient. And for many who don’t live near a synagogue -online is the only option.)
It’s fun, engaging and relevant. Check it out!
Interesting, Debi!
Working from home definitely has benefits over outside job.
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HI is there a way not to goo to hebrew school and still get barmitsvahd