Last week my friend, Kristen M. Ploetz, wrote a post called “Nine Things I Wonder About Other Writers.” She encouraged readers to answer in the comments, but of course I couldn’t stop myself from responding in a blog post. I know that my friend, Lindsey Mead, had the same reaction and is also answering those questions on her blog.
Looks like Kristen started a meme! If these questions speak to you, by all means go ahead and answer on your blog or right here in the comments.
As for the motivation to ask these questions, Kristen mentioned in her post that she did not get a MFA (nor did I), does not belong to a writers’ group (nor do I), and does not have an agent (nor do I). I believe the combination of those three factors made me relate to Kristen’s questions about other writers, especially other writers who also blog. I often feel like my fellow bloggers are my colleagues. We know quite a bit about each other because all of us write personal things, but I don’t know as much about other people’s processes as I might if we, say, had neighboring cubicles or suffered together in business meetings. And like Kristen, I’m curious.
So here are my answers. What are yours?
1. Do you share your work with your partner or spouse? Does it matter if it’s been published yet?
Bryan subscribes to my blog via email. He often emails his feedback, which normally consists of a few words of encouragement and perhaps a few emoji. He does help me if I ask though. There are times when I’m stuck, when I’m way over my word count goal, or when I’m not sure if I’m hitting the right tone.
In those cases, I print out a near-complete draft, and Bryan takes out a pencil and does what I ask, whether that means getting rid of some unnecessary words or helping me clarify areas where I’m talking in circles. He’s a good editor when he’s in the right mood. For my friendship advice column, we discuss all the questions. It’s great to get the male point of view. For my Jewish pieces, he’s helpful since he’s as passionate as I am about the topics. He’s not helpful when it comes to short stories and probably cannot get through more than a page or two without falling asleep.
2. How much of your family and/or closest “friends in real life first” read your stuff…let alone give you feedback about it?
In the beginning, my family and friends read the blog regularly. Or I should say, more family and friends read it I’m guessing. Now, four years later, I think it’s asking a lot to want friends and family to keep up on a weekly basis. It means a lot to me when a friend emails me or calls to say a certain post hit home, but I certainly do NOT expect that kind of feedback on a regular basis. I’m just happy if family and friends acknowledge that my writing life is real, that I love it, and that it takes a lot of time. They don’t have to read my stuff to talk to me about what I’m working on, just like I don’t have to sit in their offices or homes all day to ask about their lives.
As a side note, several years ago I wrote a whole post called “How to Blog Without Annoying Your Friends and Family,” which basically encouraged new bloggers to work hard on getting an audience beyond family and friends. You simply cannot expect friends and family to keep reading your stuff and providing feedback, not if you want people to still like you. 😉
3. What do you do with the pieces that continually get rejected–post on your blog? Trash? When do you know it’s time to let it go?
It takes a lot for me to let something go. Almost every short story I’ve ever completed got published eventually. Is that because I’m a brilliant writer of fiction? Ha, right. It’s because I’m tenacious. I keep editing and submitting. It’s taken over a year to place some stories. As for more blog-esque pieces, I have not submitted anything to new venues in a long time. I write regularly for several sites that pay me and expect work on a deadline so I’m fairly reluctant at this point to pitch pieces to non-paying venues. I would probably put a piece on my blog if it got rejected other places. I hate to throw away work, however, I did throw away my first attempt at a Hanukkah post this year. It was a good piece, actually. But it wasn’t the tone I wanted for this year.
4. Are there pieces you write for one very specific place that, once rejected, you just let go of, or do you rework into something else?
This question makes me realize I’m not developing enough pieces for other venues and should because I like that thrill of trying something new, even if rejection is the ultimate result. I just signed up for Jena Schwartz’s 10-day online writing group (the self-paced version). I haven’t done anything like that in ages, and I’m hoping I will produce at least one thing worth polishing and submitting for 2015.
5. What is your main source of reading-based inspiration (especially you essayists)? Blogs? Magazines? Journals? Anthologies? Book of essays by one writer?
I keep up with many blogs, so yes, I would say other bloggers inspire me quite a bit. I use Bloglovin’ to keep up and I think you can see the blogs I follow there. I’ve always loved Nora Ephron, David Sedaris, Steve Almond, and Anne Lamott. I would not say I’m a particularly funny or soulful writer so I’m not sure how those three have helped me, but I aspire to their talents. I read almost all of Anna Quindlen’s nonfiction collections this year and especially loved her most recent one, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. I also discovered audio books this year and try to listen to nonfiction, which gives me a great sense of pace.
6. What tends to spark ideas more for you: what you see/hear in daily life or what you read?
Oh, it’s both for sure. I can’t separate the two. I’m constantly telling Siri to remind of some idea or another so I can write it on my ongoing list later. I get ideas when I read, but I get tons of ideas just from every day life, and from things I hear on the radio. I listen to several radio shows and podcasts, including Howard Stern, which shocks everyone who knows me. He’s the best interviewer around though. No question.
7. Who have you read in the past year or two that you feel is completely brilliant but so underappreciated?
I’ve read tons of Roxane Gay’s work this year, but I would hardly call her under-appreciated in 2014. In the blog world, a few names comes to mind. My “in real life” good friend Julie Burton started blogging a year ago and she’s still building her audience. Her writing is wise and raw, and I’m trying to learn from the vulnerability she allows in her work. Her most recent post on turning 48 was a perfect example of what I mean. Lauren Apfel, who writes for Brain, Child regularly and edits their debate section (we used to be colleagues there!) and freelances everywhere you would want your writing to be is the kind of clear-thinking, sharp writer I hope to become.
8. Without listing anything written by Dani Shapiro, Anne Lamott, Lee Gutkind, or Natalie Goldberg, what craft books are “must haves”?
Well, that list just burst my bubble. I will look forward to reading others’ answers. I’ve read some I liked, but “must have” is a label I take seriously, and I can’t think of any beyond ones from the authors you mentioned.
9. Have you ever regretted having something published? Was it because of the content or the actual writing style/syntax? (Obviously we all grow as writers and looking back at our “clunkier” writing can be cringeworthy…that’s not what I’m talking about here. I mean are there things you wish you hadn’t said out loud either because of what you said or how you said it. I’m not in this position right now, but some things I’d like to write about might get me there. And yet…how can I ignore those topics, you know?)
I don’t discuss family and politics so I guess I’ve stayed out of harm’s way. I’ve written things that were supposed to be funny that got some people really angry at me. And I’ve written other opinionated pieces about things that don’t really matter in the world (like why I hate goody bags) that also made some people mad. I wouldn’t say I regret those because they are such innocuous topics, and I’m still shocked anyone got upset. That said, there have been times I have regretted taking a snarky tone when a more gentle one would have been more appropriate.
OKAY YOUR TURN! Here are on your own blog. But remember to link back to Kristen, who wrote the questions!
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75 Responses
I’m so glad that I wrote my answers already as you and I are coming from the same place! Love these questions, look forward to answering them tomorrow, and to hearing what others say too. Thank you Kristen! xoxo
Can’t wait to see yours!
I could write a whole blog post about why I love these answers. Truly–and so thank you for writing them! I’ve got to say, all the answers about spouses (which has ranged both in my post’s comments, as well as some private emails I’ve received from a few writers) I find most intriguing on a personal level. And, I think might even warrant a separate post from me in the future about why I have some mixed feelings about how it (doesn’t) happen on my end. I love how Bryan subscribes to your blog and offers feedback when you want it–that’s really incredible. But practically speaking? Numbers 3 & 4 are what I really need right now. I’ve got a few pieces that I wrote for particular venues or based on specific themes for an upcoming volume that have been rejected, but I think that might be decent enough to submit elsewhere…but I’m never sure. Some of them just don’t feel right to post on my blog, for various reasons. So I’ve started trying to tweak in order to submit elsewhere, but sometimes that feels forced and then moves away from my original intent/voice/etc., you know? I’m working on it, I guess. And I love your tenacity, Nina–in all sincerity, it’s what made me decide to submit a few pieces multiple times to places that are really out of my comfort zone. You’re really one of the brightest gems out here, and so glad that I’ve come to know you. Looking forward to Lindsey’s answers tomorrow because she’s another gem too. Oh! And so many folks have said Stephen King’s On Writing book is really great–have you read? I plan to check it out.
Kristen recently posted..Struggling in Silence
Those mixed feelings . . . you need to write that post. Or at least channel it into some fiction. Thank you again for inspiring this post! It will spread. I know it.
Oh yeah– I have read On Writing. It was good but it’s a long book to give us the same message we all know to be true. Sit the butt down and get it down. And read a lot. I do appreciate his message that you MUST read anything and everything and often.
I love reading posts like this. I find it so helpful to learn about the processes of other writers. Thanks to Kristen for starting this off and I can’t wait to read Lindsey’s tomorrow!
Shannon recently posted..This Is Adolescence – Seventeen
You should do it, too!
I’ll try answering the questions here, Nina, so I’m forced to be succinct! (And I’ll post them with Kristen M. Ploetz)–
1) Sharing work with spouse: Never before publication, sometimes after. My spouse is not much of a fiction reader and although he is supportive of my work in general, I don’t use him as a reader.
2) Family/close friend readers: I’ll share work in its earliest stages with my sisters but that’s mostly for conversation’s sake. I used to regularly share new work but now I’m more aware of how much early drafts can change. For the most part, I share work only when it’s close to done and then pretty much only with people whose writing skills I respect.
3) What to do with continually rejected pieces: I write fiction, and don’t post fiction on my blog. (For fiction, once something’s published in any form online it’s hard to get it published elsewhere.) Even so, I don’t think I’d ever post something just because it hadn’t been published. (I have plenty of unpublished short stories.) I’d either find that story a new reader, pay an editor to look at it, or have such a story workshopped in a class with the goal of revising it to something better. I’ve also used “bad” short stories as the basis for novel ideas, sometimes even combining two stories into one bigger story.
4) Writing for a specific publication opportunity: I’ve done this, mostly flash fiction, but prefer to be inspired by my own ideas.
When I start writing something new, I don’t really know where it will go, and I think the best story emerges without imposed restraints (e.g., word count).
5) Reading-based inspiration: As a fiction writer I find that I have to be reading novels when I’m working on a novel ms and I have to be reading shorter works when I’m working on shorter pieces.
6) Idea sparkers: EVERYTHING. Sometimes it’s travel, sometimes it’s the line in the post office, sometimes it’s a piece of science or other news.
7) Things I’ve read recently that I think are under appreciated: I liked “Wash,” by Margaret Wrinkle, “House of Coates,” by Brad Zellar, and “Dear Committee Members” by Julie Schumacher. The last two I’ve reviewed in my blog, http://www.donnatrump.org (“Dear Committee Members” is reviewed today, 12/16/14).
8) “Must-read” fiction-writing-craft books: “Steering the Craft,” by Ursula Leguin; “How Fiction Work,” by James Wood; “From Where You Dream,” by Robert Olen Butler; “Burning Down the House,” by Charles Baxter.
9) I’ve been the subject of another writer’s unkind characterization (in poorly disguised fiction, a very long time ago) so I’ve sworn to make any fictional characters I create truly fictional. And on the rare instance I use the f-word, I always remember a quote from Ann Patchett about how it’s never necessary. For the most part, I read what I’ve had published exactly once.
These were great answers! So glad you shared. I can’t believe you recognized yourself in a novel. I cannot even imagine. I agree re: Patchett’s advice. It’s often a cheap word choice. And yeah, never put fiction on a blog!
These really are great questions, Nina. I’m excited to read Lindsey’s responses tomorrow, too. I could see the answers to all of yours, and I love that your Bryan subscribes to your blog and sends occasional feedback. That is just what my Brian does, too! We could go way in depth on the rest of the answers … such interesting questions. Thanks, Kristen, for stirring the pot. Looking forward to hearing more about all of these. Thanks, Nina!
Jennifer King recently posted..Art and Sculpture in the Veneto, Italy: a Photojournal
Would love to see your answers, too. I wish my Bryan was spelled like yours. That’s how Siri spells it anyway. 😉
First of all, your comment about Howard Stern made my day; not because I listen to him (I spend almost no time in the car and do not listen to the radio at home) but my husband has been a fan for more than twenty years. I’ve always been uncomfortable when the subject comes up, worried that people will think Bill is some sexist pig when, in fact, he appreciates the interviews as well. (Like enjoying Playboy for the articles? Ha!)
So I know it’s off topic, but thank you for being honest about something you know shocks some people. As always, I love your take on things.
As for writing, your answers to these questions made me think and nod and smile in gratitude for the community of smart people I’ve collected since I began blogging. You top the list, Nina.
Smart. Sincere. Skilled.
(I was feeling alliterative. Obviously.)
XO
I love that you appreciate my Howard habit. (My husband does NOT listen and for sure finds it a little weird that I do.)
You top my list, too!
I don’t write short stories but nearly everything I write gets published..eventually. It can take ages, though!
What an awesome meme and I may need to take part in this one too.
In the beginning, my blog was only read by family and friends. Now I don’t know if any of them still do. I get surprised when someone tells me they read my blog if I see them in the supermarket!
Tamara recently posted..Spice Up Your Smartphone Photography with 5 Creative DIY Hacks.
For sure do the meme! I’m curious if your husband and family has to approve pics before you post them. That is sort of related to these questions, too.
Never! I just blog and he has no idea what I’ll say or what photos I’ll post. And in almost five years of blogging, he has only once not liked something I had written.
Interesting.
Maybe my kids will mind more when they’re older, but they’re still mere babies!
Tamara recently posted..Hey Guys, It’s Flat Tamara.
I love the meme Kristen created. Learning about other writers and their thoughts on writing helps us all feel less alone. Your answers always ring authentic and that quality helps to educate and open up a dialogue that is comforting and insightful. Thank you.
Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri recently posted..The Long Corridor of Uncertainty
Thank you, Rudri! You should totally do it, too.
I just signed up for Jena’s January class – I heard about it from another writer, and then I see you mention it too! I started blogging on a whim, but I’ve come to love writing and I want to invest in becoming better. I also want to start submitting my writing to other places; I failed miserably at that this year.
Dana recently posted..Memory holders
Oh cool! Did you do the FB group or self-paced? I think the group would awesome, but that’s not the right time for me. I went with self-paced. 2015 is your year. You’re ready!
I’m doing the FB group – I need the accountability. I haven’t been self pacing very well. Thanks for the encouragement, Nina!
Dana recently posted..Memory holders
Oh Nina I love your responses! I’m a total sucker for picking writers’ brains – and seeing what’s inside – so thank you to Kristen for thinking these up.
I love your tenacity, Nina, and it’s a great reminder that just because one (or more) publication rejects our work, does not make it trash. Opinion is just that, and one person’s rejection may be another’s acceptance. Last year I reworked (lightly) a short story I felt passionate about and it ended up becoming a finalist in a lit journal and getting published.
Thanks to you and Kristen for opening up this fascinating conversation! I may just have to answer these questions on my own blog 🙂
Dana recently posted..Recipe: DIY Starbucks Kale + Veggie Salad
So true about one person’s opinion. I’m currently on a small judging committee for a short story contest and I can tell you that there are times we disagree. Or there are times I’m in a crappy mood or in a rush or I just read something too similar. You just never know. Just because one place says no it does not mean it won’t find a home.
And yes! Answer on your blog!
Love your answers, Nina. You put such incredible thought into everything you write. (I read your Hanukkah piece a few days ago but got pulled away before I could comment.) I love this meme that Kristen unintentionally created. I think I’m going to answer the questions in a post and link back to her as well. Looking forward to reading Lindsey’s responses tomorrow.
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Oh thank you for reading that one! I worked hard on changing my attitude and on writing about it, too. I will look forward to your post on these questions.
These questions inspired me. And I loved reading your thoughtful responses. Mani, my wife, is also a writer, and we are each other’s first, best, and most honest readers. I don’t take this for granted, nor getting a glimpse into other writers’ creative (and practical) processes. Thanks, Nina.
Jena recently posted..I’ve Lost Touch with Her
Oh! Two writers in one house. That’s a gift (on most days, probably). Thanks for reading this, Jena!
Nina, thank you so much for your kind words. Your guidance has been invaluable to me in the process of trying to figure out how to be a blogger. You have truly been my very best teacher. There is nothing better than your emails or texts saying, “Ok, it’s no big deal but I just have to point out a typo in your latest blog post.” Followed by, “You know I have typos in mine all the time” just to make sure I don’t feel badly (even though I know you barely ever have typos in your posts!). Now that is the definition of an amazing blogger friend and a fantastic real friend.
I loved reading your (and the other) responses to Kristen’s thought provoking questions. Thank you for sharing your insight with me and so many!
Julie Burton recently posted..Not Yet 50, but Way Past 40-Something. What is 48 to Me?
This would be a fun one for you to do if you’re feeling like blogging between the writing. See, always the ‘teacher.’ 😉
Oh I love what she has started! This is so interesting and I love finding out about the ‘secrets’ and feeling of other writers.
tracy recently posted..There’s Plenty Of Time To Grow-Up – American Girl Doll Giveaway
Would love to hear your answers!
I love this, Nina, and I’m going to do my own post 🙂
It’s awesome that Bryan helps you out as much as he does. My husband pretty much leaves me to my own devices!
Alison recently posted..Through The Lens Thursday #50: Pair
Oh good! Will look forward to yours!
I love this, because I always wonder what/ how other writers do it. I must admit that is something gets rejected, my shaky self confidence gets rattled and then I shelf my piece. I need to get better about that.
Allie! I’m going to cut and paste what I just wrote to Dana above:
I’m currently on a small judging committee for a short story contest and I can tell you that there are times we disagree as a group. Or there are times I’m in a crappy mood or in a rush or I just read something too similar. You just never know. Just because one place says no it does not mean it won’t find a home.
I love reading Kristen’s post, all the comments, and your answers here. I constantly wonder about other writers/bloggers since I do not belong to a writing group and don’t have many writer/blogger friends.
You are a wonderful mentor. After reading this, I realize that maybe I shouldn’t trash all my rejected pieces, perhaps they just need a little more care and editing. As always, thanks for the honesty and support.
Thank you for introducing me to Kristen’s blog. Happy Hanukkah! 🙂
I truly believe everything will find a home and after a certain point when you’re tired of submitting, that home can be on your blog. It may be by then you don’t even want to put it “out there” but if you do, you always have your site. Sometimes it needs more editing, sometimes it’s just about finding the right home.
I like this. I really like this. Thanks, Nina.
I would love to read your answers!
It’s so rare to see another Justine that at first I thought maybe I had already replied earlier today! Glad to discover I haven’t lost my mind that much yet. Anyway, this is the 2nd Justine popping in to say I loved your responses, especially: “They don’t have to read my stuff to talk to me about what I’m working on, just like I don’t have to sit in their offices or homes all day to ask about their lives.” So true. Also, yay for the shout-out to daily radio/podcast listening and audio book loving. You & Lindsey have inspired me to answer this questions too. I’ll link back to the 3 of you.
I totally get it! Whenever I see another Nina I get excited and then a little territorial. 😉 Looking forward to your answers and so glad to know another audio lover. Maybe I don’t like quiet as much as I always say I do.
My answers are up! https://heirloommothering.wordpress.com/2014/12/17/wondering-about-other-writers/
These are great questions (and answers!). I’ve loved reading Kristen’s and Lindsey’s too, and I posted mine in answer to Kristen’s. I also think I may post a blog like yours next week. I’m curious about this: what do you think your ratio of fiction to nonfiction writing is? Is it reflected in publication rate (I only ask because my fiction publication rate is almost zilch but it’s where I spend most of my writing time…). Happy Hanukkah!
Julia Munroe Martin recently posted..Great New Books Favorites
Oh my goodness I’m like 98% nonfiction and 2% fiction. And yes, answer more on your blog (expanding on your comment at Kristen’s) because you know I will ready anything about MEH.
You know what questions I wanted to read the answers to?
Things like
a) do you ever think your work is rubbish and want to give it all up?
b) do you know deep in your heart that you can never stop writing even if it is rubbish?
c) do you ever fear you’ll fade away into obscurity?
d) is it so, so, SO hard to weave a plot and have credible characters?
e) do you despair, just knowing you lack the genius?
f) do you feel like you have to QUICK write another piece/novel/article so that you’re not forgotten in the public eye?
g) could you ever earn enough from your writing to pay off your mortgage?
You know … stuff like that. (grin) 🙂
Jennie Goutet recently posted..The Viscount – Chapter Eighteen
Okay, those are good! For real. And yes, to A, E, F. Big no to G.
This is a terrific meme because it gets away from the typical process questions like what time of day do you write, how many words per day do you write, etc. etc. That information is fun to share also, but these questions delve a little deeper emotionally.
For me, one “must have” writing book is Anne Patchett’s The Getaway Car. It’s a slim volume — about 50 pages. I loved that she acknowledges the frustration between what is in your head and what gets on the page. I think that’s probably true for essays and fiction.
Do you ever think about joining a writing group in your area? It seems that you have a wonderful community of writers in the Twin Cities.
Jackie Cangro recently posted..The One with the Dress Code
I RARELY participate in a meme because it gets really repetitive the sameness just bugs me, but I loved these questions. I have not even heard of The Getaway Car and I thought I had read EVERYTHING by Patchett. I’ve been in writing groups and enjoyed them, but I’m not in one now. I was ready for a break.
This was so interesting to read, Nina. Thanks for giving us a peek into your process! I’ll try to respond in next week’s post. Something I’ve been feeling frustrated about is how I’ve written for Kveller and Aish, but haven’t consistently submitted things, though I know if I spent less time on FB and more time writing, I could do it.
Of course, I’m typing this comment with one hand while nursing, so I can probably cut myself a little slack here. But it’s something I need to do: focus and sit down and write!
And now I want to listen to Howard Stern’s interviews!
Rivki Silver recently posted..The Miracle of Marriage
Um yeah, you have to give yourself a break for AT LEAST six months, if not the whole year. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t write. But keep a list in your phone or somewhere of ideas and then they will be there when your ready. Your talents and your contacts are not going anywhere. You have a major year ahead of you. One thing at a time, my friend.
Love the post! Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by!
I too loved Kristen’s post and excitedly typed my answers. Loved reading yours Nina—now I have books and links to look up 🙂
Nina recently posted..How to Be Awesome at Playing with Your Kids (Even if You Don’t Like It)
Will look for it on your blog!
I mention you and this post in my article about these questions and my answers: http://afmarcom.com/2014/12/18/9-questions-and-answers-for-writers-to-share/
Angelique recently posted..9 Q&As for Writers to Share
I loved this post, Nina! Here are my responses: http://zsofiwrites.com/2014/12/20/wondering-about-other-writers/
Zsofi recently posted..Wondering about other writers
This is a really fun idea! I’m always curious about how other writers handle things. I think it’s really healthy for us to all talk shop like this sometimes, just to see what options there are and that we’re not alone. I loved reading your answers.
Annie Neugebauer recently posted..A Dozen Short Stories Worth Your Time
Yes! I love some good shop talk. I appreciate when people are honest about all of it, including payment, etc.
Not true! You ARE a writer. But can’t wait to see your answers!
Oh boy. So your post made me realize that you’re a *writer* and I’m a *blogger*. Planning on my own post..a meme, like you said!
“They don’t have to read my stuff to talk to me about what I’m working on, just like I don’t have to sit in their offices or homes all day to ask about their lives.” This is so true and I love the image. 🙂 Your answer to #3 really has me thinking that I should edit and revise pieces more often. #9… Wild. I remember reading your article on goody bags. I don’t see how that could upset anyone. Eh. I mentioned in my answers to this that we can offend someone so easily with the silliest of things. So happy to finally have time to comment on this post. Thanks for sharing!
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Ah these never get old! Loved reading your answers and happy to have connected with you off of Twitter. Here’s to more writing and reading in 2015! xo
Absolutely!