WESTEROS: Jon Snow is in the house! I love seeing Tyrion in his element. Why are Tyrion and Missandei dressed like they live on another planet? Varys calls out Melisandre for hiding on the cliff when Jon Snow arrives, then she basically sounds like it’s a prophecy that they both have to die in Westeros at some point.
When Dany introduces herself, she sounds more than a little obnoxious. And no, Dany, Jon is not there to bend the knee. Dany is trying to get him to yield with her, “I ask you not to judge a daughter by the sins of her father” line. But Jon is all, Girl, all that stuff is irrelevant. THE DEAD ARE COMING! She’s not having it and she doesn’t want to hear about myths. She only believes in herself.
KING’S LANDING: Okay, so Yara Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand, and the Sand daughter is alive. Euron has brought Cersei her gift. Will she marry him!? She says she will, when the war is won. Euron is such a creep. A finger in the bum? Oy.
Cersei and Ellaria: I’m pretty sure Cersei is going to kill Ellaria’s daughter. I can’t watch. I mean, I am watching, but it’s hard to watch. And yeah, she’s going to kill her in a cruel way. And gross, that seemed to really turn Cersei on.
Iron Bank guy: yawn.
Tyrion working his magic to get Jon Snow to give an inch: “She protects people from monsters. Just like you do.”
Dany and Tyrion: SO many good lines. Even some from Dany: “Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?” Tyrion had tons of solid ones such as, “You must allow them their fancies, it’s dreary in the North.”
THE NORTH: As Little Finger says to Sansa, “Command suits you.” Meanwhile, Little Finger is training Sansa to live as a very paranoid person, which is probably a reasonable way to live in the Game of Thrones world.
OMG, Bran is there! “I’m the three eyed raven.” Sansa is like, what the heck are you talking about? Bran is very zen about it as he tries to explain his visions, including seeing her on her dreadful wedding night.
CITADEL: Sam saved Jorah! I hope Sam doesn’t get in tons of trouble. Touching moment when Sam shakes Jorah’s hand. Jorah is headed to see Dany, of course. Sam is not in trouble, but not rewarded either.
WESTEROS: Time to take Casterly Rock. Tyrion built the sewers and knows them well from his past escapades with the ladies! Gruesome scene, but Greyworm says it was too easy to take Casterly Rock. Where are the rest of the soldiers? Oh Tyrion, I guess that wasn’t a good plan after all. Cut to Jaime training his real soldiers. And shoot, I Olenna is going to die in this scene. “She’s a disease. I regret my role in spreading it. You will too.” I really hate to see Olenna go. Jaime said he made sure there would be no pain. And then, holy moly, Olenna admits to poisoning Joffrey! “Tell Cersei. I want her to know.”