My husband is not a writer, but his writing tips rock.
In fact, Bryan’s advice about writing will help you with any goal. He’s that good. (I realize I’m biased, but stay with me.)
I’d like to start at the first bite of the writing bug, which occurred in fourth grade upon discovering the Babysitters Club series–long before I knew Bryan. My tastes later graduated to Judy Blume’s Forever. (Find me a girl in the 80s who didn’t highlight whole passages of that sex-education tome.) Then there was Jane Austen and the gang as I got older. I imitated all of those other authors at first, writing for fun as a kid and in high school.
A Detour
At some point in college after a detour with Art History and Italian, I settled on a double major in Political Science and Spanish with my eyes on law school. I’d given up on creative writing–probably out of fear and self-imposed pressure–only allowing myself one measly memoir class during my senior year. Of course I loved the assignments, the workshop days–all of it. But I ignored how right it felt. The reason why I abandoned the pursuit of law school is a convoluted story involving seven months of my junior year living in Chile and researching a God-awful honors thesis on the political parties there. By the end of college I was neither a writer nor a lawyer-to-be. I was adrift.
Fast forward.
I got married young, earned an M.ED in Education, taught English for some time, then stayed home with my first baby. In February of 2007, exactly three months after giving birth to our second child, I cried often (hormones?) about how I’d never become a writer when I had the chance. It was the only thing I ever loved doing, I said dramatically. I sobbed about all the wrong turns I’d taken (three semesters of Italian), and about all the wasted time (every soul-sucking Political Science class ever.) Teaching in a high school setting wasn’t the right fit either.
SO START WRITING, Bryan said.
What’s that now?
Start writing. Just start. What are you waiting for?
Naturally, I had numerous reasons why he was wrong. For example, Mr. Expert, what was I supposed to write about?
It doesn’t matter. You’ll figure it out.
Every time since then when I mention how far I still have to go, he uses some version of the original advice. “Start writing” became “keep writing.” “You’ll figure it out” became “just figure it out.”
Four years later plus another baby in the middle there somewhere (edited in 2013 to say–there are four kids now!), I’ve seen several of my short stories published in literary journals and essay published in places that make me proud. Of course I hope to publish a book one day, but for now I think of those hidden novels as the writing degree I never allowed myself. Every time I freeze, which is daily, I rely on Bryan’s original advice. I think it applies to almost any goal, which is why I wanted to share it with you today.
START. JUST START. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
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67 Responses
That’s great advice — although sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest to follow! Glad you did!
Solid Gold. Life’s too short not to do what you love.
Isn’t it remarkable how we can create such dense webs of obstacles for ourselves that it takes someone else’s intervention to clear them away? I had left a whole career behind in another field (political science and French double major, by the way) and was home with our first child and kept talking, talking, talking about how I’d always wanted to write. Finally my husband said, “Why don’t you stop talking about writing and start doing it?” So simple, and so obvious.
I haven’t stopped writing since.
Thank goodness for those supportive non-writers in our lives who show us that some of the obstacles that block our way aren’t really there at all.
Tracy! I always knew we were kindred spirits. My Spanish is embarrassing now though. How’s your French?
Very, very sad.
Love it Nina!! Great blog and great advice!
As a scientist I often find myself sitting in front of a blank word document trying to figure out how to write a paper, report or grant. I then go to the advise my mother would give me, which was the same as to what Bryan would say, with the added sentence: “It does not matter how good your first paragraph is, you can go back and revise it later.” I ALWAYS put down crap for my first paragraph, but it gets the words flowing and I almost always end up deleting that first paragraph.
So true, Jacob. The first stuff (way more than the paragraph for me) is always crap.
Bryan is a wise man for being so young! I used to believe that I could “think” my way into action and, over time, I realize that I must act on Bryan’s advice “Start” and Reebok’s echo (Just DO it!). I’ve found that taking action encourages my mind to follow! Great post!
He’s a smart one. RE: Just Do It . . . I thought Nike. But yes, same idea!
This post was so much fun to read. I love the Why Not? kind of people, they calm my inner Lucy down and channel my creative mayhem. Cue the grape stomping…
I can’t imagine anything holds you back! Seriously! Love the inner “Lucy.” Ha!
Great advice! Writing is its own education, and the more we do, the better we get. The tag is #amwriting, not #amgoingtowrite, for a good reason.
Jael- I’m so bad at using hashtags on Twitter. I’m going to experiment with them a bit before I launch into Twitter Tips: Part 4.
Ah! Your husband sounds like my boyfriend, P_. Once when I was crying over being born in small-time Texas and not on the East coast where all the cool, smart, funny, hip people are, he told me to cut the shit and keep doing my work. It was wonderful.
Lisa
Yup, that’s Bryan. No nonsense. And hey–I’m in Minnesota, not NYC, so not ALL the “cool, smart . . .” 😉
Great post! and it can be applied to almost anything which I know from personal experience (and many conversations in your living room!)
Ha! So true. Bryan is actually pretty quotable. If you think of some other good ones remind me!
Don’t you love how they make it sound so simple? Just write. But it is that simple. I love hearing others that have supportive non-writers in their lives. I feel very grateful to have one, too. I’m so glad you came back to writing! I figured it out later than sooner in my life, too.
Great post, Nina! And the site looks great also!
Thanks Hallie! I’m too nervous to self-host and try some of the “real” templates out there. So for now I play around with every wordpress.com theme like it’s my job. It’s the ultimate procrastination tool–worse/better than Twitter.
So true! And the only way to do anything is…well…to do it. 🙂
We’re the lucky ones with supportive husbands / partners who encourage us to “just do it” . Not everyone is that fortunate and so the thing they enjoy most, and may be very good at, goes unrecognised and they remain frustrated and unfulfilled.
Kudos to your husband ( and mine !)
Hi Ann! Thanks so much for visiting and commenting. What you said is definitely true–not everyone has that supportive presence in their life. What I think stops people more often is their own self-doubt.
Start writing, great advice. I so often hold myself back with what ifs. Fortunately, like you, I have a husband who believes in me and encourages me to follow my dreams and keep writing–no matter what, even when I am discouraged.
Such great advice! I took a few detours along my writing path, as well, even though I had declared myself a writer at the age of seven. Somehow, I found myself as a Finance major for one very horrific semester in college. I quickly came to my senses after that, but every day I still have to give myself that kick, “Just start, already!” And then I do.
You’re “don’t be a coward” is still my favorite reminder though. Seriously. I use it daily.
Such great advice even for life
The biggest source of failure is fear, or should I say fear of failure. He is right…just write. Unleash your passion and let go.
It sounds like a cliche but it is so very true.
Nina – this rings so true. I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be a writer, but instead studied French and international relations, then got a masters in international economics so I could have a viable job. That was always the concern: a viable job. Trouble is, how viable is it when your heart’s not there? And why do so many people make that exact mistake? (This is also related to my latest backstory blog post, Ambivalent Ambitions: http://veronicas-nap.com/backstory/ambivalent-ambitions/ Check it out.)
I also have a non-writing husband (who BTW is such a non-writer that he’s never read a word I’ve write) who’s always said, “just do it.” Moment of gripe: that would be a lot easier if he also said, “quit your job.”
Nina – One more thing on this, especially after having read Tracy’s comment. As obsessed as a three-year-old with *WHY?,* I’m really curious about your experience in getting you MEd? Did you really want to become a teacher? Or did you just figure that it was a good short-term plan that could lead somewhere else? Did you ever think to yourself that maybe you’d meet a guy, get married and it wouldn’t be an issue because you’d want to stay home if you had kids? And if so, was the idea of staying home maybe a way of thinking about writing, since it could potentially go well together? (At least that’s what we think before the kids are born, right?!)
I’m utterly intrigued by the thought process women go through about their choices for the future, as you’ll see if you read Ambivalent Ambitions. Please share!
Sharon, I put my very long answer to your excellent question in YOUR comment section so it would add to the conversation there. Somehow it ended up being longer than your post and my post put together. Sorry!!!! 😉 For anyone else interested, here it is: http://veronicas-nap.com/backstory/ambivalent-ambitions/comment-page-1/#comment-644
I don’t have self-doubt; I just don’t have a plot and don’t think I’m creative enough to think of one. Self-doubt? Nah. I just don’t think anything I write is ever really any good, and people just humor me. I mean, you gotta be a genius to think of a plot for a novel, right? I’m no genius. Oh, and my poetry – – I’m too happy to write poetry anymore since everything I wrote was “dark.”
I have sooooo much self-doubt that I’ve been hobbled for years. My husband is more than supportive, (but I think he’s just being nice.) I read an article a while back where Anna Quindlen was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I write in my head when I’m standing in line at the grocery store.” Wow, I thought, wish I could. Sounds so easy, but it’s so hard. Oh, woe is me. 🙂
Leigh, thank you for your very honest note here. Do you realize you wrote quite a bit? And it was all heartfelt and perfectly stated. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. (Aren’t we all?!)
Maybe you need to start in small bits. Don’t worry about a whole plot yet. For now what about starting with a character? Follow her (or him) around. What’s on her mind today? Nobody has to see it but you. Know you’ll throw most things out, but it’s all good practice.
And truthfully, I don’t think it’s easy for any writer at any stage. Published authors face enormous self-doubt. I follow tons of writers I admire on Twitter and it seems everyone has a love/hate relationship with the blank page.
My point is, you’re not alone! We’re one big miserable, wonderful club.
This sounds so familiar, Nina. Eleven years ago my husband bought me the oh-so-subtly-titled book “Get That Novel Started and Keep it Going Until It’s Finished” for Christmas. And I did. At least the first half of the title. But I had a newborn and a two year old and a full time job and I was a wife. So 200 pages in, I quit.
Nine years later, when I was turning 40, my husband said, “Take a leave of absence from teaching and write. Just do it.”
It was the best birthday gift I’ve ever received. Ever. I am the luckiest woman and my kids are old enough that they understand why our living room is empty. Because Mommy hasn’t sold a book. Yet. But she isn’t giving up this time. Not until it’s finished…
Love the post, Nina. Love.
Good for you, Julie! I love your moxie, which is of course why I love all your blog posts. (Though still traumatized by your pedicure episode. Not kidding.)
Great advice! Great post. Great hubby.
Is Bryan a motivational speaker by chance? 🙂
He totally could be! He is at our house.
Sounds like your hubby is just as useful as mine! Makes me wonder why I fight him on things as often as I do, because most of the time, he’s right…to the point it’s just irritating. (But don’t tell him I said so.)
I can relate to the whole following your dreams thing, in that I’m afraid having children will impede what I’ve already worked so hard to accomplish and prevent me from getting much further. I know this is a feeling not entirely based on reality, because LOADS of authors have children and still find time to write and follow their dreams. Still. I do worry about it. I’m glad you listened to your hubby’s advice and decided to follow your dreams, after all!
Also, I *loved* the Babysitter’s Club series growing up, and Judy Blume’s ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT’S ME, MARGARET, which I read in the fifth grade and made me feel like I was reading something naughty, is one book I’ll always remember from my childhood.
Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story!
Ashley,
I have to be completely honest with you, when your kids are little it is a struggle to fit in writing time. I couldn’t do it so consistently if Bryan and I didn’t make it a priority to have babysitting help during the week. Between all the driving back and forth and all the activities, playing, feeding etc, I could rarely write without it. Some people are great about getting up at 4am and writing before the kids wake up. I’m not one of them. It’s something to keep in mind and save for! There are plenty of things we don’t do to afford, but I find it worth every penny!
It is amazing what holds us back. I, in part, was held back by familial definitions. As in, my sister is “the writer.” I’m “the singer.” There was no overlapping.
Interestingly enough, as I have had more and more success, my biggest cheerleader (and best editor) has been my sister. She is encouraging, empathetic, and painfully honest — in the way that only a sister can be.
Allies are important. What a wonderful one you have in Bryan.
Nina, I love this post so much. I actually didn’t know I wanted to write until I was 27, but I said something like, “I really want to write!” to my husband, and he basically said the same thing as yours. (I love those guys!) Start writing and keep writing and don’t give up. Those are such important things for us to hear! Thank you!!
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was an Anthropology and Spanish major! 🙂
Were our husbands in cahoots? Because I swear, it was the same scenario for me. Such logical, sane advice––what was I thinking?!! Love it.
I came to this post through Writer Unboxed. I have to comment. I have written so many journals they fit into two file cabinets and became a nurse for my career while raising kids after my late husband died. I still write because I have to or else I can’t sleep. My second career, now that I am retired from nursing is making all those journals public writing in the form of personal essays or memoir.
I also have a children’s book that is being considered for illustrations at the publishing house. I only have one publication in a newsletter.
My husband edits my blog posts and he is also my greatest ally in this new endeavor. I love writing, I need it like I need to breathe. And yes, I’m so lucky to have remarried a man that is my bf.
Hi! I’ll bet your nursing career could provide plenty of fodder for fiction AND non-fiction. That’s great! And I love that your husband edits your stuff. Bryan wouldn’t go quite that far. 😉
Love this post, Nina. And I love that you consider your own personal writing as your education – or the MFA you never got. Hallie Sawyer’s post talked about the incredible benefits we get simply by writing (vs reading how-to-books, or even going to school). Here’s to your dream (and mine) of becoming a published novelist. I assume your genre in women’s lit (not to be confused with chick lit?).
It is so wonderful when we have supportive husbands, isn’t it? The economy has clobbered my freelance business, but my husband is enthusiastic about taking this down time to work on my fiction dream. Love him!
Hey Nina, I was not aware that you spent a couple of months in Chile and studied Spanish…. Are you still fluent in Spanish? Vamos a hablar en Español?
I enjoy reading your blog!! keep writing!! 🙂
Thanks Luis! My Spanish is beyond horrible. I’d be way too embarrassed to even attempt it with you.
First of all, what a cute pic of you two!
Second, that’s great advice – very manly. If you’re a writer: follow it! If you’re a husband, don’t always do what he did 😛 I’ve offered my advice at times and it hasn’t been pretty. What can cure writer’s block could also cause foot in mouth.
It’s totally male advice. Bryan doesn’t suffer from analysis paralysis the way I do. Thanks for the compliment on the picture!
So thankful I found your blog today through Theta Mom! This post really resonated with me… thank you for the words. Soon I will be posting a series on my blog about moms that have made their passion their job…. it’s so inspiring to hear these stories.
That’s a great topic! I know plenty of women who are looking for inspiring stories like that.
That’s awesome. I keep telling myself this same thing – just do it – even with all the other obligations – just do it – even if it has to be little by little – just do it.
As a PoliSci major in college and now a law student (smart move forgoing that little would-be Divine Comedy sequel Lol) I feel your pain. But the great thing is you actually started writing again. Good for you! And great husband advice 🙂
He IS a keeper! 🙂 Good luck in law school!
I write for the sheer joy and excitement and satisfaction of it.
I write because I enjoy reading my own stories
I write because it takes me somewhere no other hobby can.
I write because I’ve been making up my own stories since before I ever started school.
I wrote because I feel like somebody when I do.
Why don’t I do something about getting published? Because I don’t know where to begin.
Wow, you’ve definitely got a keeper! But then you already know that! lol Love the post and I’ve experienced a similar discussion with my soon-to-be husband (only 3 days to go!). He actually helped me write my first novel which I hope to self-publish later this year. It’s such a blessing to have a partner in life to give you the courage and boost you need to succeed in your dreams. This definitely made me smile!
I love this! My husband and your husband sound a lot alike. And while I’m here, I might as well tell you I LOVE your blog. I have been clicking all over the place! You have some great stuff on here and I am looking forward to reading more. Especially curious to find out how you end up liking Orange is the New Black… I’m watching the series and I plan to start the book when that’s done. I hope I won’t be disappointed. Oh and back to this post- It’s really inspiring that you’ve becoming a writer since becoming a mother.
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Thanks so much, Pam! Thursday and Friday are the days I will be really checking out all these new blogs. I can’t wait to read more of your work.
As for Orange . . . series is more exciting, but I liked the book too. They are VERY different. Series is mostly fiction. Just beware!
I never read this, but my husband said something similar to me, too. This line really resonated with me: “But I ignored how right it felt.” I think you commented on a post I wrote along those same lines — that I should have just gone with my interests when I was 5 (or 15) instead of trying to “figure it out” with all the cerebral power I could muster.
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I think supportive husbands are the BEST. I’ve got a great one and he’s the reason I can stay home and make art (and write) and finance my art business venture… he didn’t quite say “Just start,” but I’m pretty sure it was something like, “I don’t care about whether you make money, buy whatever you need.”
And, to answer your query about girls in the 80s, um, I never read Judy Blume. I love books and reading! I just never read any of her books for some reason.
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I love that you found this old post. It was one of my favorites. Having a supportive spouse is priceless. Glad you have one!
Great advice! It’s never too late to write or to start something new. A lot of famous writers made their careers being 30-40 years old. The other issue is how to become a successful writer? Recently I wrote the article about it (http://www.writehacked.com/productivity/becoming-a-successful-writer-without-writing-every-day/). Many people think that the key to success is writing every day. But there are lots of other tasks that a writer has to do.
I will check it out!