No Easy Answers to the Bar Mitzvah Question

nina's bat mitzvahIn last month’s column for tcjewfolk.com, I wrote about our family’s struggle to decide which educational path to take as our oldest child gets closer to bar mitzvah age.

And yes, I acknowledged and continue to acknowledge that by struggle I mean “struggle.” The fact that we’re putting this much thought into our kids’ Jewish education shows a level of intentionality that already makes this process a win in my opinion.

For my readers who are not Jewish, it might be hard to understand why I’m making such a big deal about this. I guess what you have to understand is that many Jews who went through after-school Hebrew school programs as kids will complain about how boring it was, admit that they memorized much of the information, and have bad memories of it all. Yet, they send their kids through the same system.

Although I’ve been focusing a lot on what happens in Jewish institutions, I believe the real responsibility starts and ends in Jewish homes. That cannot be overstated. Still, the institutions need a second glance.

Not everybody agrees with the fact that we’re going our own way or questioning the typical route. When you look at the success rate of non-Orthodox Jews passing Judaism down to the next generation (it’s abysmally low), I think that Bryan and I have earned a chance to try something different.

After last month’s piece, I received an unprecedented amount of emails and Facebook messages from parents and teachers with similar goals: intentionality, meaning, and education over memorization. This month, I pulled together those letters and meetings and tried to summarize where we stand now.

I hope it helps other families. Here’s where we landed.

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Nina Badzin hosts the podcast Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. She's been writing about friendship since 2014, co-leads the writing groups at ModernWell in Minneapolis, and reviews 30+ books a year on her website.

Hi, I'm Nina

HI, I’M NINA BADZIN. I’m a writer fascinated by the dynamics of friendship, and I’ve been answering anonymous advice questions on the topic since 2014. I now also answer them on my podcast, Dear Nina! I’m a creative writing instructor at ModernWell in Minneapolis, a freelance writer and editor, and an avid reader who reviews 50 books a year. Welcome to my site! 

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Hi, I'm Nina

DEAR NINA: Conversations About Friendship is a podcast and newsletter about the ups and downs of adult friendship. I’m the host, Nina Badzin, a Minneapolis-based writer who accepted a position as a friendship advice columnist in 2014 and never stopped. DEAR NINA, the podcast, started in 2021, and has been referenced in The Wall Street JournalThe Washington PostTime Magazine, The GuardianThe Chicago TribuneThe Minneapolis Star Tribune, and elsewhere

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