I’m turning 39 on Wednesday. Truth be told, an end-of-year birthday used to annoy me. I didn’t like how it
was mushed into the holiday season and specifically how it was jammed in the day before New Year’s Eve. But at this point, I like how there’s my age and the calendar change to consider all at once.
I’m happy to report that I have no mixed feelings about getting close to 40. How ungrateful that would be considering the alternative. There’s only one way to stop aging, and I’m not interested in that option.
The overwhelming feeling I have about my 38th year is summed up in one word: gratitude. I’ve probably said that here in birthdays past. But it’s always the case. I have spent 38 years in this world with the blessings of good health, a supportive family, the highest quality of friends, and the good fortune of wise teachers in all realms, including the spiritual, (which is, incidentally, what helps me stay focused on gratitude). I’ve shared the last 15 of those 38 years married to Bryan, who is my partner in every single way, and who will spend a good chunk of my birthday tomorrow the way we spend all of my birthday afternoons: he will help me map out my 2016 goals complete with a chart by the end of it. That’s true love in my opinion. I’ve spent the last 11 as a mother, which is my greatest responsibility and honor. I’ve spent the last seven or so not just saying I want to be a writer, but being a writer. Blessings abound.
There have been bad days, months, and years. I’ve lost people. Loved ones got sick and continue to get sicker. I’ve seen and heard about the suffering of families I know well, and ones I only know through the window of Facebook, or from the six-degrees-of-separation of the world. I pay attention, of course I pay attention, to the other kind of suffering in the world, the kind that is not from cancer or from other terrible diseases, but from the purposeful cruelty of murderers, terrorists, corrupt governments, and other non-accidental tragedies. But this site isn’t cnn.com so I’m going to switch gears now.
If I can get less morose for a minute, I’d like to talk about some career thoughts and my growing fear of complacency. The past year has been decent in terms of my writing. I continued with the friendship column, with my Jewish essays on various sites, and with book reviews at Great New Books. I had other occasional one-offs out there like this one at Modern Loss about losing my grandmother to dementia, and this post at the Today Show’s site about how I got the courage to start writing in the first place. I had posts at Club Mid at Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, and in various Jewish newspapers around the country.
The most exciting, or least different, thing I did in 2015 was start the Twin Cities Writing Studio with my good friend, Julie Burton. Our fall session filled quickly and our winter session, which starts next week, filled almost immediately. I absolutely love that work.
And “different” is the key word here. Other than starting that writing group with Julie, my writing career has been a bit same-same. A little less than three years ago I decided to let go of the idea of a novel and focus solely on freelance writing and blogging. I’ve enjoyed that work and would miss it if I stopped so I don’t plan to stop, however, a recent post by Jeff Goins got to me and made me realize it’s time to scale back so that I can scale “up” or really, deeper.
In “I Got Everything I Wanted This Year And It Wasn’t As Thrilling As I Thought,” Goins says, “We must stop this endless search for more and realize that we already have more than we need to make the impact we want. You have enough money. You have enough influence. You have enough skill. Now, do something with it. And remember, the secret is not more, but better.”
Any freelance writer out there knows that it’s tempting to focus on quantity. First, the more we publish, the more money we make. Second, there’s a certain satisfaction in growing our list of writing clips and aiming for “better” publications. I’ve been engaged in that form of self-competition for a few years now, which is why I also related to another point Goins made: “So after reaching the same goals again doing more of the same things I’ve done for the past four years, what I realized is I’m bored. It’s time for a new challenge, time to try something that might not work.”
It’s time for me to get a little brave. I’ve had some thoughts about a nonfiction book. I made a rough outline this summer then promptly got “too busy” to do anything about it. I say busy in quotes because though I am busy, as almost everyone is, I can always find time. Listen, if I can find time to watch the entire Friday Night Lights series and rewatch all of Dawson’s Creek, then I can probably find time to write a book, even if it takes me a few years.
I’m not going to make any grand declaration about finishing before I’m 40. The only writing goal I’m making for 2016 and for my 39th year is to work on the book every week. It might be once a week for no more than an hour, but I can and will make time. The only thing that has stood in my way is a fear of alienating some of my blog audience if it gets published and fear of failing if it doesn’t get published. Okay, also fear of failing if it does get published. But Bryan gave me the same advice last night that he’s been giving me for year that I would also give to anyone who presented such fears: Don’t worry about publishing the thing until you write it. Just write! And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Any goals you care to share for 2016? Thanks for spending part of my birthday week with me here!
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72 Responses
Great post once again, Nina, and especially in light of the fact that I’m skipping my post this week (don’t think I’ve done that in almost two years of blogging) because I want to get edits for my book back to my agent by early next week.
Write your book. Don’t get discouraged. Book-length work is the hardest writing I do. Hard on an old brain, hard to organize, hard to keep from drifting into trite, hard to imagine not offending someone, somewhere who might read it (yes, even fiction).
But that’s what we like, right?
I once heard Jerry Seinfeld talk about comedy as the torture he could stand so it’s what he does for a living. That’s how I feel about writing, too. There’s a self-induced torture in it, but that’s part of the love. There would be no satisfaction without hard work.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Donna. Good for you for putting the book first this week.
I love this post, Nina, and I love that Seinfeld quote! There are so many lovely comments I have already scanned, and I look forward to reading the remainder tonight with a spoon of peanut butter. For now, I wanted to stop in to say YOU GO GIRL. What an inspiring goal, and way to make it a small enough bite to chew. Exciting stuff!
I think making this decision to start writing your novel is a wonderful birthday gift to give yourself, Nina. I look forward to seeing where this takes you!
Nonfiction for this year, though one day I would love to write a young adult novel. I don’t feel I have the chops to return to fiction yet. I’ve only been writing nonfiction for the past few years so that feels more natural.
So glad we’ve stayed connected this year and I’m looking forward to seeing where 2016 takes you, too.
Nina, first, Happy Birthday and congrats on turning 39! The forties are wonderful, empowering years for a woman and you have all that decade ahead of you to look forward to!
About the writing, you and I are so on the same page. And I LOVE that you bolded this sentence: “Don’t worry about publishing the thing until you write it. Just write!” Yes!
Thank you! We will have to do an accountability check in mid year!
I think your 2016 goal is perfect. I wish you the best of luck! It took me 5 years to complete my novel. And I love your husband’s advice. Just write. Everything else will fall into place as it should.
Happy Birthday and Happy New Year!
xoxo
Thank you! I love knowing that others have been there.
YES! I’m so happy to hear this and cannot WAIT to read your book. Happy birthday and lots of love. Every word you say resonates, about gratitude, blessings abounding, and even the difficult days/weeks/months. Yes. I’m thankful to know you. xox
Thank you so much!
Love you goal and your writing..and YOU. Happy birthday, my friend….and fyi…things just get better in your 40s. xoxo
That’s what I keep hearing! And I always trust a fellow capricorn.
A book is an excellent next-step-goal, indeed! Happy Birthday to you… I look forward to seeing you in 2016!
Well you know what my weekly goals will be this time around! And thank you!
Happy birthday! And I agree with Bryan. Write your book; tell the tale your brain and fingers are telling you that you need to. The rest will fall into place from there. I can’t wait to hear more about it!
I loved that. Thank you!
What a wonderful post, and happy birthday! I admire how you always have goals that are reasonably set and you don’t (seem to) allow the dramatic energy and angst I get overwhelm you. You are my inspiration and I can’t wait to read your someday book!
I DO get a little angsty. I have a lunch with a close friend tomorrow (my writing/teaching partner) and she has promised to let me tell her every reason I have constructed for why this book will not work so that she can be the devil’s advocate. Most of the reasons are in the angst category.
Happy Birthday, Nina! Everything you write resonates and I am ecstatic to hear that you are writing a book in the upcoming year. Your work and dedication serve as a lighthouse, my friend. Thank you for your generous spirit and authenticity. xo
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Thank you! I truly feel the same way about you. It’s why we like and respect each other. 🙂
Happy (almost) birthday Nina! I liked that Jeff Goins post, and what he says about more meaning as opposed to simply “more” is very wise. I ended up with more this year, sadly not financially (!) but with bylines. I got addicted to the high of getting published, but it cut into my other writing time. This year I could try to make money from writing (something I’ve always shied away from), but I sense that would be a distraction from my life-long goal of finishing/publishing a novel. My goal for 2016 is to finish my latest edit by my birthday in June, and then complete the fine tuning by the year’s end. Part of me wants to just quit and start something new. But I’m going to push to the end.
I’m SO happy you’re going to work on a nonfiction book and can’t wait to hear more when/if you’re willing to share.
Happy New Year!
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There is totally a high to it. I feel it, too. Yet the time it all takes is not just the actual writing, but keeping up with submission opportunities. It’s hard to ignore it all. FOMO, etc.
Happy (almost) Birthday, Nina! (And as an early January baby, I feel you about turn of the year birthdays.) I am excited and inspired that you are being so deliberate about your year ahead in writing. If you are ever looking for early readers (ahem), you know you have a wide fan base of readers who love your work already, but more importantly YOU. It’ll be great.
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Thank you for that! And yes, “deliberate” is the perfect word. I’ve been so the exact opposite of that this past year. It’s exciting to have some focus even if it means letting go of other potential writing opportunities as I see them.
At 39, the creative process often is felt to be a maze as one feels their way along the path of development, successes as well as disappointments and shifting focus, At 72, and looking back at the path of my creative process, I see what was experienced as a maze transformed into a labyrinth. I wish you a happy birthday and maintain my front row seat in your developing life.
I value your wisdom and perspective so much, NanC. Thank you! I’m just so grateful you want a front row seat. It’s my gain. Thank you.
Love the post and your goal. Can’t wait to read! And I also harbor the same goal, and the same fears. Happy Birthday friend!
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I know you get it!
Happy birthday to you. I love that you do goal-setting and mapping and most of all, that your husband does it with you. What a perfect way to spend a birthday afternoon, getting clear on the year ahead!
I think it was Lindsay (above) who linked to you and that’s when I started following your blog and… compulsively reading every friendship post you’ve ever written. Yes, that was me 🙂
I would love to see a book on friendship :
I’m so glad that you found me (and that you appreciate Bryan)! Thanks so much for the huge compliment on the posts. The book I have in mind isn’t about friendship, but I could see doing one in the future.
Happy Birthday! I love following your journey, and I love that the sentiment of gratitude is such a strong one. I know it’s made all the difference in my life.
Looking forward to reading your book! xo
Thank you, Kerstin!
Gratitude. Yes. I feel every word of this piece. Happy almost birthday! I can’t wait to read your book.
Thank you!
Happy Birthday Nina! Good luck with the book ~ I’d love to read it! 🙂 I love the quote about doing better, not more.
Thanks, Sarah! You inspire me with the focus you showed in 2015. I mean it!
Some great advice here. 🙂 And I needed to hear it! Hope you have a great birthday!
Thanks Paula! You made some great changes on your blog in 2015. I’m excited to see what you do in 2016.
Sometimes I feel a bit frantic about trying more things. I can actually feel my heart beating faster until I stop myself. Your point about getting brave, even if it means going in a different direction, provided a sliver of light for me. Thanks for that.
Looking forward to hearing more about your book whenever you’re ready to share.
Happy Birthday! 🙂
Thanks so much, Jackie!
Nina,
Congratulations on another wonderful, productive year! Partnering with you on The Twin Cities Writing Studio has also been one of my top highlights of 2015, and I am excited to continue this journey! You are a disciplined, creative, and astute writer, and I am certain you will have success on your book-writing path, wherever it takes you.
Wishing you an amazing 40th year, filled with lots of writing, reading, and spending time with those you love!
Thank you! I know you will be by my side. Remember that part of Brene Brown’s latest book (or maybe it was in an interview) where she talks about how she wrote her latest by talking about the topics with a few friends? That will be us for both of our books!
Happy birthday! I’m excited you’re taking us along on this writing journey with you!
I’ve been thinking about that Jeff Goins piece since you shared it earlier this week. Erika Dreifus also shared a planning guide for writers…I think I’ll work on that a little this week. This time of year really invites introspection, and I totally see how your birthday really increases that.
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Oooh, going to find Erika’s post now.
Will you link it?
http://www.annettegendler.com/p/sign-up_21.html
It’s 30th December in my neck of the woods, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY NINA!
I turn 40 in 8 months. I haven’t set any goals specifically although I have a vague idea of what I want to accomplish. I really should write them down. Writing them down always make me more accountable.
Good luck with the book writing – I have faith that you will have a book in your hands very soon!
thank you! And I know you will meet any goals you set. I have always seen you as very focused and clear-minded.
You are still but a youngster, young Nina. Happy birthday — and I’m so excited to learn of your nonfiction goals. You would be SO good at nonfiction (as your blog and articles prove). And I love the approach to your goal: something IS better than nothing; I need to apply that to my fiction on a daily basis as well, even if it means reading a page of research material. Every bit of forward momentum is progress!
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Thank you for the vote of confidence, Melissa. It means a lot!
I am beyond excited for you, Nina. I’m sure it feels wonderful to stand on the precipice and finally say “yes” to taking that next step. (I wake early to chip away at a nonfiction book every day–sometimes it feels exhilarating and right and sometimes like shit.) Sending so much support, encouragement, and kinship your way, and if you *ever* need a listening ear or a friendly nudge, I’m always a click away. Really. I’ll be pulling for you. (And yes to gratitude. I’ve been a grump these past few days for no distinct reason–general angst at the turn of the year, perhaps?–but I keep trying to evoke that feeling you describe (& embody) so well here–that appreciation for all you have, all the good that is our lucky lives.) happiest of birthdays and new beginnings to you…xox
I know that you have been working on that manuscript and honestly it has for sure inspired me. I’m pulling for you, too!
Your revelations are always such a gift. Thank you.
Thank you!
I have been meaning to come visit forever and your comment on my blog just made me rush right over and do it now (before I go take a nap because of course I would be sick right now). O_o
I really loved reading this. We have a lot of parallels. Married 15 years (Oct 28), Mom for 11, the whole writing thing, the GRATITUDE! I feel so much gratitude right now for everything.
But most of all I just want to give you a big virtual hug and wish you a happy birthday and tell you that I think you are just the kind of friend I like to have, even if it’s only virtually. 🙂
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That is a huge compliment and I feel the same way. Even with our very different lives we have the most important things in common.
Woo hoo! You’re starting the book. I love it. I can’t wait to see what the process brings- whether it’s a draft of a book, or it leads you to a different project, or whatever… it’s all about the journey. The destination is just the icing on the cake, right? Whatever you do, I hope you will keep blogging (sounds like you definitely will!). I love getting a little dose of Nina on my screen. Your posts are always well-written, thoughtful, and inspirational. Happy, happy birthday to you!!
I love that point about the journey. It is the absolute truth.
Happy Belated Birthday Nina! Congratulations on the start of your nonfiction book. I know putting a goal out into the universe is a huge step – thank you for sharing with us! I haven’t seemed to formulate any concrete goals for 2016, so I am just going with it for now. Happy New Year!
Putting it out there does make a bit more accountable (even if I’m the only one who really cares!).
Thank you!
Happy birthday, Nina! And happy writing. It can be so hard to “just start” – but it’s so important. Cheering you on!
Thanks so much, Katie! I love that we’re both reading The Hired Girl right now. I’m planning to review it for GNB. Will be curious to hear your thoughts, too.
Happy Birthday!
When I was pregnant with Scarlet, I watched all of Dawson’s Creek AND Friday Night Lights. And LOST too.
I turned 35 over the summer and it was a weird one for me. I like your retrospective. And now to read that article about getting everything you ever wanted!
Three winners! Dawson’s, FNL, and Lost. We have the same taste!
I’m excited to see a book in your plans for 2016!
I want to sink my teeth into fiction again. I dabbled a bit last year but concentrated on essays, and I missed fiction terribly.
Awesome post, as always Nina! And a very happy birthday to you. I love all your goals and how thoughtful you are. I also have some writing goals this year, including working on a novel. For me, I need to “just write.” That’s all it comes down to. It’s funny how we are writers by trade, but sometimes that starting point is so difficult! Have an amazing year and I’m excited to be a part of it with you.
So true on the irony of the starting. Maybe it’s because we hold ourselves to high standards?
I love this, Nina. What a wonderful year you’ve had. Your goal is an admirable one, and I have no doubt that you can achieve it. Congratulations on your successes in 2015, and best of luck with whatever joys and challenges 2016 brings you!
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Thanks, Annie! Heading over your way right now so will continue convo there.
I was pretty much offline and out of commission for the two weeks of my kids’ winter break – between hosting and visiting family, I missed a lot, including this post!
Happy Birthday (late) and what wonderful goals. To say I’d like to see your nonfiction book become a reality and not just an outline would be an understatement. If there’s anyone whose entire BOOK I’d expect to be worth my time, it would be you.
(No pressure – ha!)
As for turning 39, I didn’t even get STARTED with serious writing goals until I turned 40 so you remain way ahead of me.
My hero as always.
May 2016 continue to be a blessing to you and yours.
Happy belated birthday! Your words and goals are an inspiration to me, Nina. I hope 2016 brings wonderful and new things for you. And trust me, 40 ain’t so bad once you get there. 😉
xo
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