The Friend Who Will Only Text
Welcome to episode ONE of Dear Nina! If you have a friend who will only text, do you accept that fact if you’re more of a phone talker? What if you’re the one who prefers to text, but your good friend insists on phone chats? Can a friendship last when the modes of communication are not agreed upon? You can listen below or on APPLE PODCASTS, SPOTIFY, or anywhere you like to listen.
Meet My Mom!
My guest for this episode was my mom, Kathy Sackheim. I’ve been quoting my mom in my friendship column for seven years. She has always given me logical and balanced advice so I know she will help callers, too. Plus, she taught me everything I know about friendship.
The question was read by Julie Burton, who is not only my very close friend in Minneapolis, but she’s the owner of ModernWell, a co-working space in Minneapolis where Julie and I lead the writing groups we created in 2015. Julie is the author of The Self-Care Solution and the co-host along with Steph Pierce of Her Next Chapter, a podcast about women taking on new ventures and making career changes or starting a new career during a new phase of life. Julie is the reader, not the writer of the question.
Dear Nina,
While I enjoy communicating with friends and family, I am not fond of the telephone. My preferred connection is by text, email and snail mail. What can I say? I’m not a woman who likes to talk on the phone.
During covid I wrote and mailed over 100 I’M THINKING OF YOU cards every month. I loved connecting in this manner. Recipients enjoyed the cards too. However, some people in my life prefer telephone connection. I’ve been admonished many times for not “picking up the phone.”
“This is not a relationship if we don’t speak in real time.” “You will not hear from me until you call ME. “
I usually give in and call these folks but I feel bullied into doing so. My dilemma: how do I respond to those who prefer phone calls to other methods of communication ( which is their prerogative) and bully me for not feeling the same. FYI: I do call most folks once in a while with electronic mail in between.
Signed, Live and let live
Notes From My Conversation With My Mom
My mom and I discussed some solutions for how the letter writer can compromise sometimes, but also hold her ground.
Susan Orlean shared her thoughts on this exact issue in a recent post on Medium. I especially liked the point below and shared it on the podcast:
“I am platform agnostic when it comes to friends. I adapt to their preferred mode, so I find myself bouncing between all of these methods of friend-connection. It’s dizzying. Sometimes I mix them up. I’d been texting a friend recently, and was frustrated that her responses were seldom, and curt. Suddenly, I remembered that she’s a FaceTimer, not a texter. She answered my FaceTime call immediately (something my non-FaceTime friends would never do) and was as chatty as can be. That same day I got an email from a friend reminding me that he really prefers emailing to texting, by way of explaining why he hadn’t replied to my last few texts. My sister only communicates with me via Facebook Messenger. Should I create a spreadsheet noting who uses which platform?“
AND NOW FOR THE BETTER FRIENDSHIP GOAL OF THE WEEK:
This week, let’s release one expectation we have of a friend. For example, I am a texter for sure and I sometimes feel a twinge of annoyance or self-consciousness when people don’t text back as quickly. This week I’m going to just let that go and see how it feels. I bet it will feel good!
If you have time to rate and review the podcast, or even better, tell a friend, I’d be so grateful. Thanks for listening! Remember, when our friendship are going well, we’re happier all around.
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT! Nina 🙂
Thank you to producer, Dave Dluger.
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