[00:00:00] Nina: Are all five of these women friends with each other? Are they just all friends with you?

[00:00:04] Leslie: no. They’re not all friends with each other, but they all live within the neighborhood. We meet at my house or we meet at the corner. And , we begin our walk and we set the time. Usually it’s between seven 30 and eight. I do it independently with that particular person, then we, walk and we all talk about different things

[00:00:31] Nina: welcome to dear Nina conversations about friendship. coming up soon next week, I am going to be meeting some of you in person while on zoom.

Sometimes that’s the best we can do when I have listeners from all over the place. It is an opportunity for people who are paying subscribers of dear Nina dot substack. com. That’s my newsletter. My newsletter is free most of the time, once a month, I have a post that is only for paying subscribers might be more like every five weeks. And those are the anonymous letters. To read the letter and to read my answer, You need to be a paying subscriber. Why do I do that? Need to have some way to monetize these endeavors and those letters take me a long time to answer. So the people who are paying subscribers, also new for 2025, I’m doing quarterly Online Zoom Hangouts, I am so excited that the first one is coming up on March 19th. obviously, if you’re hearing this episode beyond March 19th, that will sound not relevant to you, except I’m going to have three more of them in 2025 and hopefully in years beyond. so You can join anytime if you decide to become a paying subscriber the day of the zoom you are welcome. It is a monthly or a yearly payment if you want to just pay for a few months and join us for that quarter.

Wonderful. Happy to have you. I can’t wait to meet you. My assistant producer, Rebekah, will be on with me. You can hear Rebekah on last week’s episode, and that directly relates to this episode. So let me tell you about this episode. When Rebecca and I were speaking last week, we were actually answering a listener. question. So this was one that I used for the podcast, not the newsletter. It was an excellent question. I really felt like the masses needed to hear it. The question was about having a lot of casual friends, but really, the letter writer felt like she had no super close friends. I quoted a guest from two summers ago. I had a writer on named Leslie Hooton.

A lot of her quotes have stayed with me and I do interview a lot of people, but Leslie’s stood out so much and I ended up quoting her, not just in last week’s episode, I quote her quite a bit

and I decided it’s time to replay Leslie’s episode, especially because as we are in the middle of the 2025 Friendship Challenge, Leslie’s story encompasses all three months challenges so far. So to review, January’s challenge was to see a friend in person. February’s challenge Was to start a friendship ritual or tradition and March’s challenge Which I just started a few weeks ago was to plan something hyper local people who live right in your neighborhood, your building, somebody who is really easy to see and you may not even have been seeing them that much over these years but I’m trying to encourage you that if Becoming closer to somebody takes a lot of hours if we can eliminate the transportation time you already are On the right track. Leslie’s story is all three of those. Seeing people in person, having a friendship ritual, a tradition, and hyper local. It is about a period in Leslie’s life when she was going through a physical hard time, and she had friends who each took a day upon themselves to be her walking partner. Or if she was in a medical place where the walk was impossible, visit with her.

It is the most beautiful story. I really encourage you if you never heard it to listen to Leslie’s story of these local walking partners, the days that they each took, the kind of conversations they had, and the idea that each walking partner, each friend was a different kind of friend.

They had different kinds of conversations. And Leslie and I ended up talking not only about the power of these walking partners, but also the idea of having different friends for different reasons of not cutting people out completely just because you have a little issue that year or something. And she had a wonderful metaphor for that, that I will let you just hear her say herself.

I think you will enjoy Leslie tremendously. and we’ll see you next week with an entirely new one that also is related to the March Challenge of Hyperlocal Friendship.

All right. Enjoy, Leslie, and let me know what you think.

[00:04:29] Nina: When I heard the beautiful story of the way friends came together to help today’s guest, Leslie Hooten, I knew I needed to feature her story on the podcast.

Leslie is the author of three novels originally from Alabama, but currently living in Charlotte, North Carolina, her most recent book after everyone else, was the winner of an indie book award. She told me that her best quality is her village of friends, and her second book is dedicated to them.

Leslie often remarks that some people have a stroke of luck. She had a stroke at birth. The limited use of her right side and numerous surgeries have allowed Leslie a unique perspective, which she brings to her writing. Leslie uses dictation for her writing and often jokes.

I haven’t typed a single word. Hi, Leslie. Welcome to the show.

[00:05:13] Leslie: Hey Nina. Thank you for having me.

[00:05:16] Nina: I’m going to enjoy your accent so much. You might be my first Southern accent on the show.

[00:05:22] Leslie: Well, yay. , I’m glad to be your first, and if you can’t understand me, I’ll be happy to explain myself.

[00:05:30] Nina: I am more worried that I will speak too quickly cuz I do tend to talk fast so you’re reminding me to slow down. Let’s get to your personal story, and I’d love for you to start at the beginning and I mean, The way back at the beginning, before we even get to the part where friends really stepped in to help. Can you explain a little more exactly what happened to you when you were born?

[00:05:50] Leslie: I didn’t even know this until I was 50 years old, so that’s another like podcast in of itself, which I did write an article for Newsweek, but something was wrong. My mother took me to all these specialists and they said we could institutionalize her. She’s not going to develop and my mother said, I think she can.

And my mother was my first sort of exercise partner and she said, I think if you keep moving, you’ll be okay. So I did matriculate. , but this stroke, I had to have a lot of surgeries when I was a child. I would be in a wheelchair , on the sidelines trying to watch everybody else.

And I think that was my first experience in being an observer because I would see everybody just run and if that’s something I couldn’t do and I still can’t do, but I thought as soon as I can walk, I am going to walk. So I was very determined to walk. I went to high school, went to college, graduate school, and to law school.

All the time, walking every single day.

[00:07:01] Nina: . Leslie, how old were you when you did first walk?

[00:07:05] Leslie: I was five and after a lot of these surgeries, I would have to learn to walk again because I would be in a wheelchair learning to walk when you’re 13 is not quite fun, but I learned to walk again at 13 and again at 15 because I was pretty landlocked in a wheelchair and I vowed myself kind of like Scarlet O’ Harrow, that I would never be in this position of having to learn to walk again. I don’t know if it’s a desire or a fear, Nina, but it, propelled me to keep moving. Learning to walk 16 is very hard because you have further to fall than you do it two or three. it was a really challenging, time those times that I had to learn to walk again. that was muscle memory and also, Emotional memory, and I just knew that it kind of gripped me and it scared me and it scarred me.

So I was like, I don’t want this to happen again. And I realized I needed to walk. So I have always taken it upon myself to walk even when it’s cold and down south, even when it’s really, really hot.

[00:08:28] Nina: So would you go in a mall or would you walk somewhere inside in the, that’s what I do in the winter.

[00:08:33] Leslie: yes. A local church, which is a block away from me, had a wellness center. And they have a track. I would walk religiously Monday through Friday on this track . People say, oh, you’re such an inspiration, all this kind of stuff. And they don’t know the fear that’s embedded in my DNA about that.

And so I walked. they even put me on the board of the wellness center, I refer to this as Leslie Inc. And my bargain basement body because I didn’t get the, the primo body when I was born. So I’m like, this is a bargain basement body. I’m like, how did a parking basement body end up on the board of a fitness center, but there I was. Nina. I take my body kind of, I really appreciate it and , I put it through its paces, but you know, I’ve not had any kind of knee surgery or hip surgery or anything like that, so, , if somebody needs, a reason to get off the couch, I’m your reason, because

I’m still going

[00:09:42] Nina: let’s get to the specific story that got me so moved we were talking about the pandemic, so the world shuts down. They say you can’t go to the gym, and now what are you supposed to do?

[00:09:56] Leslie: My beloved Wellness Center closes, and I swear to goodness, Nina, it was like a death in the family. I don’t have any exercise equipment here at my house, so I was freaked out about how the heck am I going to walk?

I was talking to a friend of mine one day and she goes, Leslie, I got you covered. And I said, what? And then all of a sudden, She had somebody for me to walk with Monday through Friday you know, Monday is Nan, Tuesday is Maryanne. Wednesday is Leslie, Thursday Lisa, and then Friday is Susan.

It was cold, it was rainy. But if they were willing to walk with me, I dawned my raincoat or my coat and we would walk outside , except for a few days, we rarely missed And that was, to me, not only an I’m gonna choke up,

[00:10:55] Nina: I know I’m gonna choke up like it’s so sweet.

[00:10:58] Leslie: It was an act of love, an act of friendship. I mean, at its core it was just, I mean, I don’t know if , you’re spiritual, it is. what the divine looks like to me. And so we walk and so it is just an amazing, I call it the friendship of the walking partners, You know, instead of the traveling pants , is the walking partners and they are as committed as I am. , the DNA of each walk is different. Like Nan and I are more cerebral, so we talk about books and going to, you know, Paris and this and that. And, one of my friends will talk about wallpaper.

it doesn’t matter. It’s just being together. It’s helpful for all of us mentally. , I see that they have come to appreciate the walks too. It’s not only physical exercise, but it’s mental exercise because there have been so many studies now that it’s great to be outside. You get a little socialization in.

So I am grateful for these five friends who walk with me every single day. They are wonderful.

[00:12:10] Nina: This is still going on from 2020.

[00:12:13] Leslie: Yes,

[00:12:13] Nina: this story is everything to me. It really is. , seeing you get choked up, eyes getting choked up. , Even when we were emailing about it, this is a very special thing because it wasn’t just a temporary just like to help you get over a surgery. When friends do something like this, even if it is a short time, that is still very special and I don’t mean to undermine it. That is really nice to organize yourselves and help out after any kind of issue in any way. But to have something that’s been going on, you’re talking about probably spring of 2020.

that’s un real. It’s the commitment it takes. And I love what you said about how each walk kinda has its own flavor. You said DNA . And that totally makes sense. And we get different things from different friends. And this, I get a lot of letters from people I think, who are frustrated with friends.

And I think sometimes they’re expecting too much out of an individual friend instead of sort of realizing, having various friends for different reasons actually is, is just a healthier, it puts less pressure on each friendship. But I had a follow up question too. are you all around the same age and were people’s fitness levels different than yours? were some people kind of taking on walks for the first time in their life at this level?

[00:13:24] Leslie: I think we’re all about in the same age group, and as far as fitness levels, you can imagine I am the least fit of everybody, although they will say no, but I say, you’re getting your morning stroll with me. What we aren’t doing is power walking.

that is their gift to me whether it’s Monday or Tuesday or whatever it is a gift .

[00:13:50] Nina: I am always interested in the logistics of plans, of making plans, of organizing, of friend groups and all that.

Are all five of these women friends with each other? Are they just all friends with you?

[00:14:03] Leslie: no. They’re not all friends with each other, so when Lisa was doing this, she said, I need another day. Give me a few names. , but they all live within the neighborhood, , we meet at my house or we meet at the corner.

And , we begin our walk and we set the time. Usually it’s between seven 30 and eight. I do it independently with that particular person, we all talk about different things and, one friend was having trouble with another friend and I said, you know, friends are like the solar system.

You can put somebody on the outer ring, but I really don’t. Advocate throwing somebody out of the galaxy completely because you just never know. that is sort of my philosophy on friendship, if you will, is just maybe somebody needs to be on the outer rink for a while, you know, if they’ve done something to hurt you, but keep ’em in the galaxy.

[00:15:01] Nina: I am quoting that for the rest of my life. No, it is perfect. It is so true. I think people are so quick to cut someone out, when you. Totally cut someone out. It creates a lot of drama for the people around you it’s just not necessary.

you can allow some space without completely ending a thing. And even if someone has hurt you, I like that you use that expression that maybe they’ve done something to hurt you. Sometimes people do things that are hurtful and it’s not even always intentional, but it was still hurtful and so you need a little space or

[00:15:32] Leslie: I call it Grace Nina. maybe they were having a bad day, but you need to protect yourself. So maybe, you know, you just put ’em on a, an outer ring and they may have been on your inner ring. But, don’t kick anybody out of the galaxy.

[00:15:47] Nina: it would take a lot to I, for me to like really kick someone out, so. Okay. That’s interesting. They’re not all friends with each other. Have they gotten to know each other a little bit more over the past three, years in their knowledge that they all have this walking date with you?

[00:16:02] Leslie: They have, which I love that I have. And I, I only curated this wonderful group of friends, but now they are reaching out to each other because , they have things in common, so it’s really nice. So when I had my, birthday this last time they all came.

[00:16:22] Nina: You’ve lived in this neighborhood for how long?

[00:16:25] Leslie: Oh, this is gonna show my age, Nina, but about 30 years.

[00:16:30] Nina: Okay. And so are some of these friends you’ve had for the whole time, are some of them newer? I’m always interested to hear about people who are making new friends in all stages of life. I tell people a lot that it’s never too late to make new friends. And I wanna hear your take on that.

[00:16:44] Leslie: I completely agree. Back in 2016, my mother died and my husband of 25 years left. So I was sort of in this moment of. Bereavement. so my friends started kind of coming a lot of these were just from the church and they would come visit and , they would bring up, a funeral casserole or something, flowers.

That’s my thing. I love flowers. , they would get to know me and we’ve developed friendships. Over the years Some of these , are relatively new friendships, , from 2016 when I was in my fifties. I say it’s never too old to publish a book and it’s never too old to make friends, the other thing I would like to say about friendship is we can never have enough friends because you just never know what life is going to.

Put it your feet. it’s nice to have a friend because one or two friends don’t wanna do all the heavy lifting if you’re in a fix. And so it’s nice to have a big village to kind of spread it around.

[00:17:53] Nina: I love that. .

[00:17:54] Leslie: As an aside, I have not been able to, just in for honesty, I have not been able to walk in the last three weeks because my last side, which is my good side, has not worked.

I’ve got some hip problems and they have still come by. Not every day and not on their days, but they have all popped in at least once a week to check on me and to say hi. Either bringing soup, soup is love, nina, or flowers or something. so I, I did wanna be disingenuous talking about how we’re still walking goes, you know, I can barely walk to the, street at the moment, but, I can talk and I can visit and I can read.

So all those are elements to friendship. somebody brought me flowers this morning knowing I was doing your podcast with a big sign on it. You can do it. It was just A lovely thing

[00:18:52] Nina: that was so thoughtful. I’m really loving just everything about this. So I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to walk and it does not negate the three and a half, four

[00:19:00] Leslie: years

No, and we will be back once I get this little thing attended to, I will be back once I’m on the mend. They said, you just let us know and we’ll walk as far as you can to begin with. These women, I have to hand it to them. They are patient and maybe I’m not patient, Nina, so maybe I would, I track this because they’re very patient with me and , the one on Walk on Mondays with, we’ve gone to movies three or four times just to get in a visit and walking around the movie theater it is like an airport.

I feel like I am getting a little walk in. So it’s nice and we will resume it. The walking has given me an inspiration to get well quick so I can get back on the street.

[00:19:49] Nina: My final question for you, and then we’re gonna wrap up is this is not about the walking or friendship even. I’m just curious, the writing of the books without being able to type, tell me how that works.

[00:20:00] Leslie: I’m always on the precipice of being in some sort of health crisis, but my neurosurgeon, we have been working on my right side because of course, that’s the side with the specificity. But a few years ago he said, Leslie, You cannot type, you cannot do your hair. We had a big convocation, and he said, you’ve gotta figure it out.

And my friend in New York sent me, dragon nuanced it dictation, which allows for Southern English. So I train the dragon on all my slow Southern molasses words, and I have produced all three of my novels that way, and working on a fourth and fifth , without typing a single word.

[00:20:52] Nina: . I mean, it’s incredible. And I love the southern piece of it too.

[00:20:55] Leslie: Well, yes, and I mean, the, first dragon that I had did not have the nuance. And you can just imagine with my accent, what came off on the computer. And it was very frustrating. But I just needed to write, I needed to get this stuff out. Then when the dragon came out with this southern dictation. You’ve got Northwestern, you would be good for that.

[00:21:19] Nina: Can you have certain sections of this? Document that gets created where it’s just you writing notes or writing an outline, , because I think about when I’m writing, sometimes I’ll have a side thought and I wanna save it for later and I’ll jot it down somewhere. Is there some way to account for that?

[00:21:34] Leslie: Oh yeah, and I use Google Doc and sometimes , I call it , the chopping block. And you know, I’ll take it out. Thinking, I don’t need this. But I’ll go through it to see if there’s one sentence, one pearl of a sentence that I wanna put back in there.

[00:21:51] Nina: Oh, that’s great though. It’s like you need a place to like dump all the stuff that comes into your brain. All right, Leslie, , I just love talking to you , I’m so grateful.

Is there any last thing you wanted to say while you have the opportunity?

just embrace your friends Don’t limit them. , I think that keeps us young. I have a lot of friends that are 35 that are like daughters to me. And it’s great to have friends of all ages because we learn a lot from them. and when I learn something from a friend, it’s a great day.

I’ve really been inspired by this talk. I know listeners will as well. And if you’ve heard my podcast, I believe you have, you know, I end every episode by saying when our friendships are going well, we are happier all around. So that’s my final thought for you Listeners, please come back next week.

[00:22:41] Nina: I always have something new and exciting to share with you. And in the meantime, if you’ve been enjoying this podcast, I would love if you shared an episode with a friend and just said, Hey, I’m enjoying this, and I think you would too. That helps me out and probably will help you and your friends out. So thanks and bye, Leslie.

[00:22:58] Leslie: Bye, Nina.