Searching for a New Best Friend

Okay, blog friends, I have a new obsession. Have you heard of the recently released memoir MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche? I can’t stop thinking about it, talking about it, and emailing Rachel. Yes, as in Rachel, the author. Really, I’m an animal. She’ll tell you.

Check out the premise of Rachel’s book:

When Rachel Bertsche first moves to Chicago, she’s thrilled to finally share a zip code, let alone an apartment, with her boyfriend. But shortly after getting married, Bertsche realizes her new life is missing one thing: friends. Sure, she has plenty of BFFs—in New York and San Francisco and Boston and Washington DC. Yet in her adopted hometown, there’s no one to call at the last minute for girl-talk over brunch or a reality TV marathon over a bottle of wine. Taking matters into her own hands, Bertsche develops a plan: she’ll go on fifty-two friend-dates, one per week for a year, in hopes of meeting her new Best Friend Forever.

Change the year to 2000 and the city to Minneapolis (and the hair to straight) and that was ME.

Rachel Bertsche

When I was 23 and engaged to Bryan, we moved to Minneapolis—Bryan’s home town. Since Bryan had been away from the Twin Cities for ten years by then, he wasn’t helpful in the friend-making process. Like at all. I completely related to Rachel’s experiences of going through the sometimes humiliating and always humbling  process of making new friends.

Rachel chronicles in detail what it takes to make new connections when you don’t have the shared experiences of childhood or college to fall back on. Of course going on 52 “friend dates” in one year is probably more than most people could stand, but Rachel’s hyper-focused efforts yield plenty of lessons. For example, when you’re the one trying to forge friendships, you have to get used to making the first move to get plans on the calendar . . . and probably the second and third moves too. Rachel tries just about everything to meet new people from signing up for classes she never imagined she’d like (such as improv) to giving her email address to a waitress with whom she seems to click.

The word click (no, not clique) is central to Rachel’s year-long project. Weaving in research from various experts, Rachel does a fantastic job analyzing why some of her “girl dates” feel effortless and why some fizzle on the spot. You don’t have to be a newcomer in a new city to relate to those subtle pieces of social and psychological commentary, but my personal experiences moving to Minneapolis had me nodding from page to page.

In a city like Minneapolis, which is less transient than say, Chicago, NY, or DC, the process of making friends was obscenely difficult. Perhaps it was because I was only one year out of the college scene where friend-making was a cinch by comparison. Still, I never had trouble making friends before in summer programs, abroad programs, or anywhere else. In Minneapolis, many people I encountered went to overnight camp together (I’m not exaggerating), or went to high school together and even college in some cases. Their friend plates were full, a real phenomenon Rachel explains well in the book. (Read that particular excerpt here.)

I remember that feeling of loneliness and desperation for new friends like it was yesterday. Bryan was a wonderful companion—most of the time—but I’ve always been a girl’s girl. I value my friends as much now as when I was kid at Camp Chippewa making those hideous friendship bracelets out of yarn.

The desire to make friends, however, doesn’t help the problem. You have to go out there and find friends. As Rachel states in the book, “When you tell someone, ‘I’m looking for new friends,’ what they hear is, ‘I have no friends.'” That was the feeling I got from people in those first few years in the Twin Cities—like I must be a big loser to always be making such an effort to get together. Meanwhile, I considered myself a likable person—a very good friend. Just like Rachel, I had (and still have) best friends all around the country. When I’d meet new people here, I wanted to shout “I come highly recommended! Just give me a chance!” I didn’t. I hope.

Also like Rachel, I was nowhere near starting a family so I didn’t have the built-in potential friend pool of Mommy & Me or the preschool. Reading about the ways Rachel went about meeting new people, however, I realize now that my efforts those first few years were basic at best. I didn’t expand much beyond the Jewish community, and I didn’t stretch myself by trying new activities outside of my comfort zone.*

I suppose I’m not necessarily worse off for my slower process. Almost twelve years from the day I arrived in town, I have friends who feel like “old” friends. “Lifers” as Rachel calls that category. These “in town” friends and I are watching our children grow up together. We don’t need to know the dramatic details of every childhood or college moment to know that the depth of our connection now  is quite real. Still, my experiences as the awkward newcomer have left me open to the idea of continually meeting new people. My plate will never be 100% full, even if I’m no longer burdened with the perpetual first move.

Still not convinced you MUST read this book? Check out Rachel’s great press.

I was not compensated in any way to promote this book, nor was I given a free copy. I’m just a super fan!

You can buy the book here!

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Nina is a columnist at The HerStories Project and a contributing writer at and Her essays have appeared regularly at Brain, Child Magazine, The Huffington Post, The Jewish Daily Forward and have been syndicated in Jewish newspapers across the country. Her short stories have appeared in over a dozen literary magazines, and she loved participating in the 2013 cast of Listen to Your Mother. Nina is a co-founder of The Twin Cities Writing Studio. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband and four children.

Latest posts by Nina Badzin (see all)

147 Responses to Searching for a New Best Friend
  1. Women's Fiction Writer
    January 3, 2012 | 7:24 am

    Well, I’m not young and I’m not new to anywhere — right now — but I’ve been in search of single friends since I divorced 9 years ago. Married people are fabulous, most of the time, but I long for in-town single women my age to bicker — I mean — connect with. I have a few amazing single women friends in other parts of the country. I talked to one on the phone for 4.5 hours new years eve so neither of us were alone! I did move — 5 times to different states — in 9 years. I wasn’t around long enough to find lifers — but connecting is easier with kids and I had young kids then (they are 20 and 16 now, oh my!) I have lived near Chicago now for almost 13 years and realize often that my friends here are now my ‘old friends’ — but I still want new friends. I’ll have to check out the book!! Thanks, as always, Nina! (and Rachel)

  2. Barbara Forte Abate
    January 3, 2012 | 7:30 am

    My “Desperately” seeking BFF interlude might have been 17 years ago, but I so well recall my sad and pififul state at the time. To the casual observer it would seem I was at an advantage in that although I was newly relocated to a town and state I’d never before tread, I was also newly pregnant, so bonus points for potential new mommy interactions. Alas, not so for this expectant mother who dragged through 9 months of morning sickness, that easily rolled into all day sickness, steeped in relocation depression and anxiety. It was a painful time for sure, one I’d find difficult to write about, and yet am nevertheless excited that someone else has done so.

    Funny, I haven’t yet read Rachel Bertshe’s book — though I surely will — but I’m pretty sure I love it already! (And what a fabulous book trailer).

  3. ramblingsfromtheleft
    January 3, 2012 | 8:06 am

    Nina, this morning your post and the post of my cyber BFF pulled me back from my two week break from the blogesphere … and glad to be! “Girl” friends was a challenge … moving four times by eighteen, and the usual horror of the transition from tom boy to trying to “get” it … the best of it all came after the schools, marriage, kids, jobs and, like yourself, in a new location. Moving 1,200 miles from my beloved city, I found myself in the sunshine state where I was convinced the sun bore holes in people’s heads rendering them zombies, where everyone looked short, bald and older than my parents. I wanted to begin new things while meeting new people. Fast forward to meeting new friends, deciding to become a “writer” and I have a great BFF, my best reader, life coach and someone who feels like I’ve known her “forever.” Going to writer’s groups and book clubs, book signings and book stores, two workshops, and a nine week course in software and I now have a great network of gals a bit closer to my age and interest, but the truth is … you only need one BFF :) Rachel’s book sounds wonderful and I am glad to add it to my never-ending TBR list.

    This was a great way to get back into the blog of it all … Happy New Year and I look forward to your new feature :)

  4. Alane Dickson
    January 3, 2012 | 8:25 am

    I first left Brasil when I was 19 and again (for good this time) when I was 21. So by that read = I left Brasil at the most important time in one’s life where friends are not an option but a necessity.
    I was becoming an adult, I was leaving the comfort of school years to face the the mature age mostly alone. I did leave Brasil to be with my now husband who is a great man, partner and friend, but he cant talk about tampon brands or how miserable it is to have a broken nail. He cant talk about a bad hair day or how hot the Bachalorette guys are.

    Since 2004 we lived in 4 different states and we did meet many people, belonged to groups ( – I was even the organizer of one of the groups, the Women’s Social Group of Denver), even joined a network marketing business (which was far from our comfort level in so many ways and where we ended up meeting a bunch of people that had nothing in common with us) and although I met some girls, mostly through connections from the guys my husband met, I am still to find that “click”, the amazing connection of girlfriend that I have left in Brasil. The ones that you feel like spending hours talking through the early hours of the days, or the ones that you are comfortable enough to just say “shut up” when you dont want to talk but also dont want to be alone.

    Dont get me wrong, I have a few girls whom I talk to, not too often, but just to say that I am totally deprived from people. But what I dont have is that 100% comfort level with any of them. In Brasil my friends would show up just “cos”, they wouldnt call or schedule an evening 2 months ahead, events would just happen and we would always make it work. I started to think that it could be this culture differences thing but thanks to your blog I can see it is not.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 2:56 pm

      What you’re hitting on is important part lesson of Rachel’s quest . . . It truly takes time and years of friendship to get to that point of spontaneity. . . that special time in a friendship when you can talk about nothing and do nothing (all at the last minute) and feel SO CLOSE.

      • Farrah
        November 30, 2014 | 2:22 pm

        Maybe… I feel like it can take years to get to that point now, but in the past at school or camp or other intense experiences it happened so quickly. I’ve made all of my closest friends almost instantaneously. Proximity (and naptimes) has so much to do with it now, too. Seeing someone once a month verses multiple house a day makes a big difference!
        Farrah recently posted..Emerald City: Our Newest HauntMy Profile

  5. Caryn
    January 3, 2012 | 8:27 am

    I can’t wait to check out that book! And while I am not currently in that situation, I know several people who are about to be so it will be a great gift. I have always found that once you are out of school and if it’s not going to be people at work, it is very difficult to make friends as an adult. Everyone wants to set you up with the opposite sex, but sometimes you would much rather have a friend date! When I moved to a new city several years ago, I definitely felt like meeting girlfriends was similar to first dates, follow-up, courting, etc. And I had to just get okay with going to events alone and hoping to meet people. I probably didn’t do as good of a job as I should have! It’s not easy. Thanks for sharing this new book!

  6. Chelsea
    January 3, 2012 | 8:35 am

    I’ve had this problem for years!

    I hope I win! ( I retweeted AND facebook’ed AND +1’d!)

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 2:58 pm

      Thanks Chelsea! I was on G+ for a while, but I was getting too many creepy followers. Thanks for putting the post there though! Really appreciate it.

  7. Erika Shapiro
    January 3, 2012 | 8:44 am

    Great write up! I have little time for pleasure reading (kids, work, school, work travel, etc.), but this book is NOW on my list. Thanks for sharing, Nina!

  8. Angela Johnson
    January 3, 2012 | 8:45 am

    Once again, you’ve nailed it Nina. I know exactly that feeling. Not only did/does it seem that many in the Twin Cities have full friend plates, they also have lots of family here. Many of my TC friends are often busy with family birthday parties, niece & nephew sporting events, you name it. My neighbors had kids way before me so neighborhood gatherings seemed incredibly dull with all the kid talk. Then when our kids came along, I had no built in family babysitting to head out whenever I did get an invitation.
    TC folks are friendly but not incredibly open to strangers at first. Thankfully after a few years, I’m starting to fit in. I make it my goal to reach out to new people. We may not ‘click’ but at least they know they’re not alone. We’ve been there. Blessings FRIEND!

  9. Carl
    January 3, 2012 | 8:46 am

    I love the concept behind this book. I mean, how brave is that, to put yourself out there for so many strangers? I have a feeling this book is going to strike a chord with many people. Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll be tweeting.

  10. Alexis
    January 3, 2012 | 8:54 am

    Finished the book last night. It’s brilliant and I felt like she was talking to me the entire read. I want to discuss so many things with her! I think your plate can never be full. That’s the one area I question. In a blink of an eye circumstances and life changes and those whose plates were full, will suddenly not be. I like the idea of keeping your friend making muscles flexed. I also loved the idea that keeping an open heart will make you a happier more positive person. I must try to actively work on that one.

    Live ur blog Nina… And wish u lived in chicago! Xoxo

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 3:01 pm

      Yes! Love how you worded this: “keeping your friend making muscles flexed.” It really is a skill that can be lost! I’m reading the EDEN LAKE now and thought of you and Rachel . . . takes place at a camp in Maine.

  11. mommytanya
    January 3, 2012 | 9:18 am

    Stellar! I’m very excited to read this book now! The number one complaint I hear about Utah (after how terrible the drivers are) is how hard it is to meet people here. I’m not exaggerating when I say most (75%) of people are married and have an established tight knit friends group that has existed since high school if not elementary school. On top of that just meeting people is difficult – it’s not like living in LA or ATL. I’ve started to make an effort – going to yoga classes and joining the book club. However it seems like a very slow process. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I should change churches – since mine is predominately filled with retirees and their married children – but I maintain that I do not go to church to meet people so that avenue is out.
    I’m excited to see how Rachel has gone about meeting others, and I’d be lying if I wasn’t already planning to take some suggestions and morph them into ideas for meeting male friends. 
    If I were lucky you, Nina, and all my other internet friends would live near me and we could hang out IRL and go see Hunger Games together LOL.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 3:02 pm

      I would LOVE that! We’d totally get along “in real life.” I know it! You’re definitely one of my blogging BFFs. 😉

  12. Sandy
    January 3, 2012 | 9:21 am

    Nina, great post… I’m interested to read the book. I think all women can relate to it. Even though I was from Minneapolis, it was hard for me to move back here after being away so many years! I am so glad that Nancy introduced us when I did move back!!

  13. susan blumberg
    January 3, 2012 | 9:22 am

    love it. i heard about this book and cannot wait to read it. i think everyone can relate, especially when moving to a new city. i live in chicago and was raised here, but after moving away for thirteen years, i had to start over. luckily i found your fab sister, karen, and we could always relay on each other when one of us wanted to go out but not alone. love your blog.

  14. Jennifer Ajsenberg
    January 3, 2012 | 9:28 am

    Sounds like a good read! I’m not completely in the same situation, but it resonates a lot with my own experiences trying to befriend the Twin Cities Jewish community. I just joined a book club, so maybe this will be my first selection!

  15. Melissa A
    January 3, 2012 | 9:33 am

    I’ve been wanting to read this. I can relate as I’ve moved twice to other towns and had to get to know new girlfriends. I still feel like it’s different than what I have with friends I’ve known my whole life, but it’s easier in the town where I live now than in the previous town.

  16. Melissa A
    January 3, 2012 | 9:34 am

    I shared on Facebook. (Melissa Amster)

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:14 pm

      Thanks, Melissa. And nice meeting you! Glad we’re connected on Twitter now.

  17. Kelly Simmons
    January 3, 2012 | 9:36 am

    But people are so friendly in Chicago! (said the Chicagoan.)
    Sounds like a fun book.

  18. Natalia Sylvester
    January 3, 2012 | 9:37 am

    I can’t wait to read this book. I’m actually in this position right now. I’m going on 2 years since I moved to Austin and haven’t really made many real friends, and I know a lot of that is because I’m not putting enough effort into it (it’s so hard!). Maybe this will be the kick I need :)

  19. anovelreview1
    January 3, 2012 | 9:41 am

    Sounds like a great book and one I need tips for! Being sahm it isn’t always easy to make friends! I’m always hesitant to make friends cause of moving…but we’ve been here awhile and just have lots of casual friends!

  20. Tracey M
    January 3, 2012 | 9:44 am

    I moved back to Chicago (home) over 10 years ago. Even with an established group of childhood friends waiting for me, making new friends was still something I wanted to do and posed a challenge. To be completely honest, its actually something I still struggle. Making new friends sometimes seems to get hard with age.

    I can’t wait to read this book!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:20 pm

      Yup, like my friend said above, you have to keep using that friendship-making muscle!

  21. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes
    January 3, 2012 | 9:52 am

    This book sounds great and something I can relate to having just moved recently as well. Also, any book that someone is admittedly “obsessed” with is something I want to read. Those are my kind of recommendations! Thanks for sharing and I tweeted as well :) Fingers crossed!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 9:56 am

      Guess what? I’m reading EDEN LAKE now and YOUR recommendation!

  22. Lisa Mayers
    January 3, 2012 | 9:54 am

    Oh, the elusive search for a best friend. I, too, found myself in that position when we moved to Cleveland nearly 10 years ago. I can’t even believe it’s been ten years! After always having besties– high school, college, post-college– I came to a city where everyone seemed to know each other and inserting myself into the social scene as a graduate student, no children, husband who was raised here made things especially challenging. Now ten years later I have an inner circle of three best friends who I can call upon for anything. They provide the emotional support that even my family can’t always give. I am so beyond fortunate.

    I liken the search for a best friend to the dating scene so I love that Rachel Bertsche treated the search like a dating game. What men can’t understand is that best friends fill a role like a second spouse (my best friend Ali is my “wife”) and breaking up with best girl friends is like a boyfriend or girlfriend break up.

    I could go on and on about this subject…Can’t wait to read the book!

    P.S. Pick me, Nina!

  23. Shannon Pruitt from 'Mynewfavoriteday'
    January 3, 2012 | 9:55 am

    This is such a relatable post. I always talk about having to have dated my friends when I moved to Japan, NYC and LA. I have always had dear childhood friends and friends from all parts of my life, but once I was in the working world without the safety net of a structured environment like mommy hood or college or grad school, making friends was like a never ending quest. Being from a small town I, myself, have always been open and welcoming of new people which seems to sometimes make the now “new” people think you must want something from them. In truth, it’s just that I know what it’s like to be new and my friend plate is never too full to extend some kindness and see if there might be a connection. Great post!

  24. Alexa @ Alexa Loves Books
    January 3, 2012 | 10:02 am

    Ever since I first read about this novel, I’ve been looking forward to reading it. Back in the day, I used to have an incredibly difficult time making friends, but I’ve become better at it over the years. I have a feeling I’ll enjoy MWF SEEKING BFF a lot!

  25. Hallie Sawyer
    January 3, 2012 | 10:05 am

    My best friend from childhood and all through high school just came for a visit over the holidays and this is her dilemma right now. She is having a very hard time finding quality friends after moving back to Omaha from a brief stint in Minneapolis. This book would be perfect for her!

    Thanks for doing this giveaway!

    • Angela Johnson
      January 3, 2012 | 10:13 am

      Great idea! Buy a few to give to friends who’ve recently moved to new places. I love to give books, especially relevant ones.

  26. Jennifer Dryden
    January 3, 2012 | 10:06 am

    Now I was the opposite in location… Moved from Iowa to New York City to work in publishing, then after a year or so, I moved back to Iowa, where all of my college friends were gone and spread throughout the States. Talk about a double whammy! :) I did find friends, but am still in very much need for that new bestie in my area. I’d love to win the book… I think it’d be a gem in my hands and forever on my bookshelf, where others will come and take it to read. Thanks for your post. Love the book idea!


  27. Cynthia Robertson
    January 3, 2012 | 10:11 am

    What a great concept for a best selling book, Rachel! It’s about time someone wrote about this topic. I have moved around a lot, being married to a guy who was in the military, and coming from a hometown where I’d always had a crowd of friends, the shock (yep…shock is what it was!) of moving to new places where I didn’t know anyone, and having to learn how to make new BFFs was a long slow learning curve.
    That was then. Now, as a mother to a young woman, I have witnessed my daughter going through the same thing. Aside from school, which is an environment so conducive to making friends, how does a young woman meet gal pals?
    I’m sure Ashley and I will enjoy reading this book. And the book trailor is wonderful, btw!
    Thank you for show casing this author and her very timely book, Nina!

  28. Debbie Berman Wolfe
    January 3, 2012 | 10:12 am

    This can be difficult even when you grow up in the city that you live in as an adult. I think being an adult and being busy with everyday challenges can make having friends challenging – especially meeting new ones!

  29. Liz
    January 3, 2012 | 10:12 am

    I followed my boy to MPLS straight out of college as well… I have been there! I’m hosting my book club in February, so I think this will have to be our book! Thanks Nina!!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:32 pm

      It’s a great book club pick. And she talks a lot about books clubs and books too.

  30. TJ
    January 3, 2012 | 10:50 am

    Your book review made me want to read the book, Super Fan. =)

    I’ve never had to try to find new friends. I’ve lived in the same area almost all of my life. I work in the city I grew up in. I’ve been going to the same church for 20 years–since I was in 4th grade. I went to a local college. I’ve always had family and friends nearby. I also tend to keep to myself sometimes, and I’m not the most social person when it comes to meeting new people.

    That’s why the book sounds interesting to me–it’s like a whole new world. Can’t wait to read it!

  31. Erin Bix Mandell
    January 3, 2012 | 10:56 am

    Posted to Facebook. My husband and I moved back here 3 years ago after being gone for 15 years. I can definitely relate. Great post and I look forward to reading this. I actually worked with Rachel when she was at O magazine- pitching her things to cover for her column. Glad to see she’s doing so well.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:34 pm

      Thanks for linking to FB and for checking out my blog!

  32. Frume Sarah
    January 3, 2012 | 11:01 am

    We recently moved ALL the way across the country. While Skyping with our best friends back home, I overheard one of my kids share “nope, Mommy doesn’t have any new friends here.” I mean, honestly — it’s really bad when your kid with a SOCIAL DISORDER recognizes how tough it his for mom.

    I am so looking forward to reading this. Sure, it’s another addition to the intellectual adventure genre (did I just make that up?), but there is a reason why we like to read these sorts of stories!!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:35 pm

      It does seem to be it’s own genre (HAPPINESS PROJECT, etc) Honestly, I wish I could think of one myself!

  33. Ruchi Koval
    January 3, 2012 | 11:24 am

    OH my gosh. Totally reminds me of moving back to Cleveland after being away for 8 years and becoming friends… with all my mother’s friends (not that I don’t love them). I needed friends my own age and hadn’t had to “look for friends” in years!

    Fascinating, though: She taps into a very important dynamic in friendships, from a Jewish perspective. Ethics of the Fathers warns us against letting friendships “happen” by convenience, but rather says to “buy” yourself a friend – ie, actively research and invest the time to make it a worthwhile acquisition.

    Sounds like a great read.

  34. Nina Badzin
    January 3, 2012 | 11:29 am

    Loving these comments! I’m reading them all so keep them coming. What a great conversation. Clearly many women have felt this way!

  35. Mara Gollin-Garrett
    January 3, 2012 | 11:36 am

    I totally agree with this whole thing and am anxious to read the book! I moved here straight from college in Madison (originally from Milwaukee, WI) 18 years ago and even though I had a few friends here, it was REALLY hard to “click” with anyone because it felt like everyone that lived here had come back from college to settle here again and pick up where they had left off before they left!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:43 pm

      It really can be hard! Thanks for checking out the blog by the way. :)

  36. Anne R. Allen
    January 3, 2012 | 11:40 am

    What a great subject for a book. I went to three high schools, and I’ve spent much of my life since vagabonding, so, except for a handful of long-term friends scattered over the globe, my friendships tend to be very transient. Unfortunately I often end up getting roped in by somebody who doesn’t want a friend–just an audience. I get taken in by sob stories and find I am suddenly the “only friend” of some hopelessly needy person who calls me three times a day to blabber, but hangs up as soon as I mention anything about myself. They’re giving a two hour description of the wart they had removed when they were seven and I’m trying to say “excuse me, my house is on fire, I need you to hang up so I can call the fire department.” I might need to read this book.

  37. Hannah @A Mother in Israel
    January 3, 2012 | 11:43 am

    I linked. Have written about this feeling too when I moved to Israel, to a community where I knew no one, and I admire . I linked on FB and read the terrific interview with Rachel at The Happiness Project.

  38. fern chasida
    January 3, 2012 | 11:51 am

    Sounds like a great read. Am linking on Facebook and Twitter.

  39. Lisa Mayers
    January 3, 2012 | 11:53 am

    Here’s another thought, perhaps for a future blog post. I think you should take it to the next level and either you or a guest writer should discuss husband jealousy of best friend relationships. I think this might go back to the Gayle/Oprah post of awhile back but I think that would be another interesting angle to develop.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:45 pm

      Love that you’re always thinking of good ideas for the blog! Do I sense a little jealousy from Mr. M? You do have some wonderful friends there.

  40. Michelle Gilats
    January 3, 2012 | 11:56 am

    I agree with Debbie Wolfe (who is one of my childhood BFFs! :)), making friends as an adult is hard in general. I’ve lived in Chicago for 6.5 years and while I have a lot of friends from work, my kids’ school, etc., it’s not the same type of “good friends” as when we were younger. With kids and working etc., it’s hard to really develop and maintain friendships. That’s something I’ve been struggling with here. I had heard of this book and have been curious to read it! Thanks for the recommendation and for your posts in general, Nina!

  41. Dorothy
    January 3, 2012 | 12:00 pm

    Oh, I need to read this. I didn’t have a problem in the past, but we moved a few months ago and I’m having a rough time finding friends here.

  42. julie gardner
    January 3, 2012 | 12:08 pm

    As I was reading thist post, I’d already planned to tweet the link because I think it’s such an interesting topic.

    I’ve lived within 30 miles of my hometown my entire life, so I haven’t moved away. I have, however, experienced the realities of my friends leaving; of life-changes that have an impact on previous friendships (relationships, children, jobs); of simply growing up and becoming a different person who has different interests/focuses.

    So my situation is this: I have a few friends I consider “close” and “best” (from decades ago and from more recent years) whom I speak to (or email or text) only once every week or two, or even a month. I don’t have a single GIRLfriend with whom I feel the need to be in contact on a daily basis, let alone multiple times a day.

    Is this normal? Or am I a cold-hearted loner?

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 4:53 pm

      You’re a freak. Just kidding! Of course you’re totally normal. I’m guessing since you’ve had the comfort of those in-town pals for a long time you don’t have the same neediness of the daily stuff. Plus, some people just don’t NEED that. You probably get what you need in terms of day-to-day chattiness from your husband, perhaps. There are very few people I need to talk to every single day. I was also never the type to speak to my mom every day. Maybe it’s a writer thing . . . more introverted? I do speak to Jenni (the “Gayle” I’ve written about) just about every day, but if she lived in town that probably wouldn’t be the case.

      Did you see my call for guests posts at the end of the post . . . I know you’re swamped BUT . . .

  43. Julia Munroe Martin
    January 3, 2012 | 12:08 pm

    This book intrigues me too….and it definitely resonates with me. It’s really hard working at home and having few chances for interactions — then figuring out how to make friends. It’s especially hard having moved to a place where many of the people have lived their entire lives. Looking forward to reading this!

  44. Robbie
    January 3, 2012 | 12:20 pm

    I definitely want to read that book! It reminds me a lot of when I moved to California to be with my then husband. He had only lived there about 6 months and worked with a bunch of single guys. It took me several years to find “real” friends. I went on some hellish friend dates b/c honestly it was better than being lonely. When we moved again 7 years later it was a bit easier b/c I had work, and kids and we moved into an amazing neighborhood. I definitely met some lifers here. The time has come for me to move again and I am wondering how it will be making friends in yet another state…..

  45. Girl Parker
    January 3, 2012 | 12:54 pm

    Can’t wait to read this! I spent 2.5 lonely years in Arizona after I got married and then when we moved back to Seattle I discovered picking up with my old friends was not so easy either! Looking forward to Rachel’s story.

  46. Sandy Webb
    January 3, 2012 | 1:14 pm

    I lost my husband in 2009 and while I have fantastic friends I have this strong desire to develop new friendships. I just don’t know how to go about it. So much changed with the death of TJ that I feel like I need a fresh start with people who didn’t know “us”. Easier said than done that is for sure!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 5:03 pm

      I’m sure it’s so hard to start fresh, but also hard to only spend time with people who knew you as a couple. And I’m so sorry for your loss.

  47. SL Heitz
    January 3, 2012 | 1:23 pm

    This is such a cool concept for a book. Definitely putting this on my “to read” list. Also linked to this on Facebook.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 5:03 pm

      It really is a great premise! Thanks for linking and commenting.

  48. Christine
    January 3, 2012 | 1:31 pm

    This sounds like an amazing book! Why is it so hard to find friends as adults?

  49. Carolina Doney
    January 3, 2012 | 2:06 pm

    This sounds like a clever idea for a book, and SO on point with what many of us women feel. Didn’t we all have a ton of friends when we were in high school and college? Somehow we quickly lose that after we “grow up.” I think we could all use this book! We need our girlfriends!

  50. Ronit Ripes
    January 3, 2012 | 2:10 pm

    Thanks for the info & interesting perspective! Am eager to read this book!!

  51. Ronit Ripes
    January 3, 2012 | 2:12 pm

    Just shared on facebook :)

  52. Baila
    January 3, 2012 | 2:41 pm

    I’ve moved to a new country and know what it’s like to start from scratch. Time, patience and putting yourself out there is what’s needed. And a baby always is helpful. And yes I’m linking to facebook.

  53. lauramaylene
    January 3, 2012 | 2:58 pm

    I’ve always found it mysterious that so many women seem to have this problem of finding friends as an adult, and yet everyone is still floating around feeling like it’s impossible. I guess reaching out to make that first move like Rachel did is so tough.

  54. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
    January 3, 2012 | 3:59 pm

    Yeah, this was a portrait of me when I moved to my husband’s hometown as well, but I did have a few old summer camp friends upon whom I could rely to help me through the dark, lonely days. And,Ike you, I now call my adopted city “home”.

    I would love to read Rachel’s book! And I will go tweet now and put this on my Facebook Fan page! Go check “RASJacobson’s “Lessons From Teachers & Twits” – you can get there from my blog.

    Great post! And how did Rachel (who looks about 16 years old write such a great book?)


    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 5:19 pm

      She really does look 16. She’s 28, I believe. I know–it’s maddening. If you poke around her blog you’ll end up her regular website and see all her clips in major magazines (worked for Oprah’s mag for a few years, etc.) I’m sure this is just the beginning for Rachel!

  55. Jack@TheJackB
    January 3, 2012 | 4:48 pm

    Reading the comments it makes me wonder about gender differences and what we require in friendship. With a couple exceptions that guys I am closest with are a plane ride away so we don’t see each other very often.

    We talk by phone or email when we can. I have made new friends, some of whom could one day be part of the inner circle but I don’t find myself thinking about it all that much.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 5:21 pm

      Oh! I think this is for sure a Mars/Venus thing. You should blog about that, Jack! Really, it’s a good topic.

  56. jacquelincangro
    January 3, 2012 | 5:32 pm

    This is something no one tells you about – how hard it is to make friends once you’re an adult and you leave the college world behind. I know I was totally blindsided.
    Two things that I’ve recently been thinking about:
    1. Often, the older you get the harder it is. It didn’t seem as difficult when I was 25, even when I moved to two new cities. But as we get older most people have their friend groups and don’t necessarily need to add a new person to the mix.
    2. I don’t have kids, but once all my friends started having kids, they began to make friends with other people who had kids. Like you and Rachel mentioned, it’s nearly impossible to call a new mom on the phone and impulsively meet for coffee.
    Someone made the comment of “keeping your friend muscles flexed.” I never thought of it that way, but what a great point.

  57. kelli
    January 3, 2012 | 6:05 pm

    Sounds like a fun read! Would love to win a copy!

  58. Rachel H.
    January 3, 2012 | 6:19 pm

    This is me right now!!! DH and I moved to his hometown just after getting married and I’m struggling to make deep friendships. Would LOVE to read about another Rachel’s experience for free!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 10:23 pm

      It really does take time, but as Rachel discusses in the book—a key is not waiting for friendships to happen. She has lots more specific advice in there actually.

  59. Cym
    January 3, 2012 | 7:17 pm

    Looks like a great book! I know we talked about it the day it arrived at your house in the mail (shouldn’t I get credit for bringing it in from the front porch)! You said I could even borrow it after you read it, assuming you liked it. So, I guess you liked it! I’m excited to read it! And you can’t forget that we were set up on a blind date before you even moved to Minneapolis! Ahh the memories…xox

    • Nina Badzin
      January 3, 2012 | 10:26 pm

      I remember our first “girl date” at the Nordstrom Cafe like it was yesterday. The year 2000! Can you believe it?

  60. Jenny Phresh
    January 3, 2012 | 7:43 pm

    Very clever idea. I would love to read this!

  61. Amy Mak
    January 3, 2012 | 8:01 pm

    Looks like a fun read. I’m fascinated by female friendships and am jealous of the girls who have the same best friend since kindergarten. I am fully aware that most of my friendships are because of my connection with my children’s friends. I often wonder how that will change when they no longer live at home with me and if I’ll have any friends at all! Thanks for the book giveaway and I also linked you to my facebook. Thanks!

  62. ruchi koval
    January 3, 2012 | 8:18 pm

    waaaait. you were ENGAGED at 23?? can we talk about that?? :)

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 8:39 am

      I know! I was a baby. We were married four weeks before my 24th birthday. Bryan’s four years older, but in “our world” he was on the young side too.

  63. Dani
    January 3, 2012 | 9:17 pm

    Um, yes. The challenge I’ve had with Minneapolis, exactly. I hope it doesn’t take us TWELVE years…

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 8:41 am

      Well, really I’ve only been here 11.5 years. 😉 Seriously though, on the up side, I had “friends” for a long time. It just takes longer for the new friends to feel like “old friends.”

      And we’re due for another girl date missy! That’s totally what we had—a girl date! This time with babies maybe?

  64. Jess Witkins
    January 3, 2012 | 10:14 pm

    Even staying in the same town I graduated in it was tough, cause all my best friends moved away and i was feeling like the loser left behind. I felt like a third wheel for the longest time whenever I hung out with other girls, but over time I did find a best friend for life. It’s definitely not easy, but because I experienced it I’m also a lot more willing to allow new people to the house or to an event with friends. Many people I’ve connected that way have gone on to be great friends with each other too! Rachel’s book sounds like an amazing one filled with the honesty, learning, and let’s face it, the humor of the situation. I would love to read her book!

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 8:47 am

      Jess– this particular point is huge: “Many people I’ve connected that way have gone on to be great friends with each other too!”

      Same is true for me. I love being a connector! I think it’s one of the most generous things you can do for a friend is to include her in other parts of your life and help people find each other.

  65. Jenna Z
    January 3, 2012 | 11:36 pm

    So glad to read this and see I wasn’t the only one! For many years after moving here it felt like everyone else in town had known each other for years and I was the odd one out. When I divorced, it felt like I was cut off from the entire Jewish community as I had been married to a cantor. Somehow I found another synagogue and friends – though it was also very much, to me, a “couple’s town” and being a single mom for the next few years was also tough to navigate. I feel lucky to have found a great person and re-married but also wonder about friends who did not. I think the experience of trying to find new friends in a strange town – finding some – then losing most of them post-divorce and having to start over again – made me a much more empathetic soul and one who tries to befriend others. Congratulations to Rachel for writing this book – and to you for featuring it here.

  66. Hillary Manaster
    January 3, 2012 | 11:58 pm

    Where was this book in the fall of 2004 when I moved to Arizona – Kicking And Screaming (and crying here and there)?! I could have used some friend-making-inspiration and an attitude adjustment. This is definitely on my “to read” book list now.

  67. indialeigh
    January 4, 2012 | 4:28 am

    urgh, God this resonnated so much my ears are still ringing. I’ve been blogging about loneliness and being a ‘single girl in the city’. It is hard to make friends. I hate the feeling of vulnerabilty when I have to say not only am I looking for a BFF but also I am single AND am trying to launch a writing career. I’ve had times when I’ve felt in the dark so often I thought ‘d turn into a mole. I didn’t though…perhaps the darkness forced me to be more like an owl..a bit wiser. has been my saviour. I’m getting out and doing things I LOVE and meeting people. Still no BFF yet but I think partly that is down to me. You have to believe you are worth getting to know. I know in my head I am but unless you are constantly stoking the social fire one can start to fizzle a bit. Why is it so difficult? I think for me I am still too shy of saying…I’m looking for a friend I can rely on who I can call up whenever and not feel bad about being seen as needy. I live in the UK, I used to think it was harder here as Americans always seem so approachable and friendly. Maybe it is not the case. I think, for me, the follow up after meeting someone you think is cool is the most difficult. It is a conundrum. I want to be someones friend because they seem nice and fun but I then use this to think..well, they are so nice they probably don’t need any more friends. God, I wonder if that is what happens in reverse too. Ooh, its a sticky mollasses of question marks. I’d love to read the book. Knowing you are not alone in your struggles is a boon. I’m going to mention your blog and Rachel’s struggle in my next post about being single and my journey to find secure friendships. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Thank you Nina…for sharing your story and introducing Rachel’s book. I feel a tad more ‘normal’ and resolute to keep on learning. The upshot is I get to have fun and develop my interests too whilst I’m on my quest…x

  68. indialeigh
    January 4, 2012 | 4:47 am

    p.s I’d love to know HOW you and your readers managed to overcome it and find your BFF’s. Any pointers you could throw my way would be so helpful. Thank you. (ooh God, it feels so shaming to admit, but I know it is the only way)

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 9:13 am

      First, thanks so much for sharing your story here. It is really hard to make true connections after childhood/college and there’s no reason that any of us should have some cloud of shame surrounding us because of it. Clearly so many women have felt this way!

      As for how I made friends . . . I think I did what Rachel did but on a much smaller and slower scale, which is: I accepted invitations that came my way when they did; I was willing to to try some new things (but could have and should have done much more in that area); and I continually picked up the phone or reached out. You have to be willing to be the one who does the reaching, which can get very tiresome, but that’s just how it goes. I wish there was one magic answer. Seems the key for Rachel was trying a combination of things all at once and not relying on any one person, group, or method.

      I hope that helps a little! I for sure recommend reading the book. She has tons of ideas of things that worked and what didn’t.

      Thanks again for your honesty here.

  69. Malke Borow
    January 4, 2012 | 6:27 am

    Does look like a fun read. I think we’ve all been there…

  70. CLO
    January 4, 2012 | 6:31 am

    Great post as always! I’ve always heard about this phenomenon. Though I haven’t experienced that myself, I can relate in ways. I’m glad you came to town and am proud to count you as a friend!

  71. Andrea Kasper
    January 4, 2012 | 9:00 am

    Like everyone here I have faced this several time. Moving abroad adds the added challenge of culture which determines the rules of engagement….just working though those can take, well, I would say 3 years. That’s a lot of lonely time. Then once you are through that you have to recalibrate and figure out which way is up and reach out all over again, then add the language barriers, oye, not easy. I too ma a girl’s girl Nina and I desperately would like a girl to hang out with.

  72. mommytanya
    January 4, 2012 | 9:16 am

    I must be the odd ball out. I see lots of people commenting on how it’s EASIER once you have kids. Maybe it’s because I’m as single working mom but I find it harder now that I have kids to find friends. Or maybe I’m just doing it wrong LOL.

    I agree with a previous comment I love – that’s who my book club is through.

    • Dani
      January 4, 2012 | 9:07 pm

      I agree with you, @mommytanya. It’s harder, because you have less time to be social than you did pre-kids – right?

  73. Stacey Delcau
    January 4, 2012 | 10:56 am

    I appreciate the timing of this more than you can imagine. I’m 36, about to move this summer due to my husband’s job. I have two small kids- but cringe when I hear “play date.” It just seems so fake and forced. I long for the days of things just being easy.
    My husband is in a public position and therefore I never know if people want to be my friend because of his job, or because of me. I even had someone tell me they didn’t want to be my friend because of my husband’s job. Seriously??!!??
    I love the comment about “coming highly recommended.” Can’t wait to read this book. Thank you!

  74. mommakiss
    January 4, 2012 | 11:00 am

    Love that you’re a Super Fan :)

    I moved around a lot. My whole life. I never seemed to have a hard time meeting people, but it’s true, that click has to happen. And now that I’m older and even have that “we’re both mom’s” connection, it still has to be there. I have a small group of friends that I barely have time to hang out with. So if I don’t click with someone new, I’m not wasting my time trying to schedule ‘dates’ just because it seems like we should.

    Anyway, rambling, but loved your post and that your Super Fan-ness showed me this book!

  75. Jill DeTavernier
    January 4, 2012 | 11:12 am

    This book looks great! Thank you for the chance to win a copy!

  76. Sheila Hurst
    January 4, 2012 | 11:28 am

    Knowing that you’ve been emailing Rachel makes me feel better about emailing you to let you know how much I enjoyed your short stories! It is hard to find friends (or find the time to spend with friends) with so many family obligations going on. It’s something people really need to try harder to do since it can be so rewarding.

  77. Kara Thom
    January 4, 2012 | 2:39 pm

    And, as I’ve just recently discovered, sometimes those close friends are right under your nose. I’ve been in Minneapolis 8 years and I know exactly what you speak of! Did you find it easier to befriend other transplants? Seems like many of my friends here aren’t from around these parts either. One of these days Nina, I’m going to take you to a Cross Fit workout. You’ll either love me or hate me:-)

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 9:40 pm

      Hi Kara! Yes, for sure I’ve bonded with other transplants, or women whose husband are transplants. (All sounds very technical or something, doesn’t it?) A few of my closest friends are born and bred Minnesotans too though! Meanwhile, I’m terrified of the idea of working out with you! Can’t wait for your guest post next week. Two authors in a row! woo-hoo!

  78. Michelle O'Neil
    January 4, 2012 | 2:52 pm

    “Their friend plates were full”

    I can so relate to this! We have moved three times in the last 11 years and it has been a struggle to find people who have room in their lives for new friends. Add to that having a child with special needs, (which has unfortunately eliminated me on the spot for a few potential friends, but maybe not unfortunately because it’s better to know that about someone up front). I have really, wonderful long term friends scattered all over the country, but I’m only starting to find true keepers in Cleveland after being here four years. It takes time to build community.

    I loved this post and I am so psyched to read/win this book! LOL.

  79. JJ - The Dude of the House
    January 4, 2012 | 3:16 pm

    Interesting concept and not to make light of it, but I think it’s harder for guys to make new guy friends than women to meet new women. My wife seems to find people everywhere she goes. With guys it’s a lot more awkward. Asking women on dates is an uncomfortable thing (not that I’ve done it much lately), but asking a guy to get together is worse, IMO. Also, living in a place like LA compounds that.

    For several years, I discovered that most of the people that I met and clicked with grew up in the Midwest, just like me. I thought having kids would make it easier, but not so far. Of course the subject of “bromances” was discussed a few years ago in the Paul Rudd movie “I Love You, Man”.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 4, 2012 | 9:46 pm

      That’s a post you should write. Seriously. And link back to me. 😉

  80. Ali
    January 5, 2012 | 8:34 am

    This is a book that I need to read! I can SO relate to this as a newcomer to the Twin Cities six years ago. As a newbie to this particular city (or cities for that matter), YOU have to be the one to make the “dates” as folks around these parts have friends, upon friends, upon friends – practically since birth. I have to admit, that when I first met people from the MN in college, I was partly amazed and curious as to how [and why] one adores their birthplace and holds so many friendships from home so close. I’m not sure I completely get it, yet, but I am starting to believe I will. Thank you for writing this blog post and I am looking forward to reading the book.

  81. No Drama Mama
    January 5, 2012 | 12:22 pm

    Oh, interesting! The author is on a website called The Debutante Ball–it’s for aspiring writers. I like her! Reading the book should be fun.

  82. Megan - Best of Fates
    January 5, 2012 | 3:19 pm

    What a fabulous book premise – and I totally agree, once you graduate you realize life doesn’t come with the awesome easy friend making potential classes do!

  83. Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla
    January 6, 2012 | 1:36 am

    I tweeted it, Nina. Her book trailer has inspired me to make one for my book. The one thing I can do is talk!

  84. Sarah Nagel (@SarahNagel)
    January 6, 2012 | 12:51 pm

    This book looks like a fun, inspiring read! Blend of self-help and memoir, love it. I hope to win a copy 😉

  85. Lori
    January 6, 2012 | 1:17 pm

    I can *so* relate to this!

  86. Galit Breen
    January 6, 2012 | 2:25 pm

    I can’t even express how much I relate to this.

    {Fabulous review, Nina!}

  87. Stephanie Alexander
    January 6, 2012 | 2:54 pm

    hahaha! Love this– I so wrote about the same topic on my blog recently! Think you posted, Nina. Making friends is like dating…and the thing is, I totally believe you can’t really appreciate your female friends during college– when y’all live together and go out all the time and exist totally in the same social circles. It’s not until you’re suddenly stranded that you realize…I NEED GIRLFRIENDS! It’s like, you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. Will def. check out this book! xo

  88. Susanna
    January 6, 2012 | 3:55 pm

    Totally identify as I moved from NY to Denver last year and my only real friend (ie– someone I don’t know in the context of professional meetups and journalist shindigs) is someone who went to my high school. Maybe its a mid-West thing? What an awesome trailer, though. If we were in the same city we’d be friends in a heartbeat. Bet you get a lot of writing done now, at any rate. Awesome trailer, btw. Technical questions for you: what software(s) did you use to make it? Did you upload it to You Tube and then use the code to embed?

  89. Jennifer Scott
    January 6, 2012 | 5:16 pm

    Nina – I keep hearing over and over how difficult it is for people to break into friendships in Minnesota. I wish I could say that the Christians in our area churches were the first to reach out – but unfortunately, I know they/I were/are just as bad as everyone else (and maybe even worse – since we are commanded to love others!) Thanks for the book connection. I am passing it on! Blessings to you – Jennifer Scott

  90. KLZ
    January 6, 2012 | 7:51 pm

    I’m making y first big move and would LOVE some commiseration about making new friends. I don’t know how to do this!!

  91. Kristen
    January 6, 2012 | 9:29 pm

    I love this post… I have never read your blog before today and would love to win a copy of this delightful sounding book. My book club is all friends who are not from Minneapolis but we live here now. I think it would be a great book for our book club.

    • Nina Badzin
      January 10, 2012 | 10:31 pm

      I hope you guys do it for your book club. Make sure to report back! A lot of my friends are “transplants” too by the way. So glad you found the blog. :)

  92. katmagendie
    January 7, 2012 | 12:04 pm

    Do you know I am a 54 year old woman who after reading this thought “who would I call if I wanted to go have a cup of coffee with someone . . .” and I could not think of one person. In fact, most of my adult life I could not think of one person – except for the last few years I was in Louisiana and made the best group of women friends I’d ever have and will ever have – they’re just too far away to call for a cup of coffee. Dang. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for myself, accept how I am (kind of reclusive), or get me arse out there and find someone(s) to have cofffee and convo with! lawd.

  93. Lisa Ahn (@Lisa_Ahn)
    January 7, 2012 | 7:47 pm

    I have had this struggle so many times! I love where I am right now, with a great groups of friends, but it took so long to get here. Thanks for the post — and the giveaway!

  94. Jolina Petersheim
    January 9, 2012 | 10:08 am

    The fall after graduating from college, I married and moved to the tiny town where my husband’s business was located. My husband and I worked together, and for half a year he was my only friend in that area and my only companion. Although I was terribly lonely at some points, looking back I realize that that “lonely” time really forged my husband’s and my relationship. If I had been surrounded by my college or high school girlfriends, I wouldn’t have allowed Randy (my husband) to become my best friend. Regardless of that positive experience, I sure am grateful for the girlfriends around me now! Thanks for this book suggestion; it sounds very relatable.

  95. Stephanie
    January 9, 2012 | 12:21 pm

    I really relate to this post, Nina. I can’t wait to read the book.

  96. Stephanie
    January 9, 2012 | 12:22 pm

    And I’m linking it on FB.

  97. […] congratulations to the randomly chosen winners of last week’s book giveaway! Michelle Gilats will receive a signed copy from Rachel. And due to overwhelming response (and […]

  98. Tracey M
    January 10, 2012 | 12:21 pm

    Tweeted! (@Froggi).

  99. Juju @ Tales of
    January 22, 2012 | 10:39 am

    I need this book. I just moved to a new town and need friends. I just had a baby but in someways that makes it tough to make friends too. Mine’s a newborn so there’s no really Mommy and Me groups that I know of.

    Great review. I found it at Goodreads.

  100. PostGradLearning
    February 29, 2012 | 5:03 pm

    I am way behind on commenting on this but I absolutely LOVE this post! It is so true for women of all ages – making new friends is TOUGH and I strongly believe it can be tougher for women than it is for men. Men can bond so easily over sports and other manly things while women are always more about a deeper connection and our ability to “click” with one another. Sometimes it’s easy for us to forget that we’re not the only ones out there feeling like we have no friends – there are so many women who feel that way – all it takes is one to bravely extend the invite to start a relationship. Great post! Thanks for sharing!

    • Nina Badzin
      March 1, 2012 | 4:42 pm

      Thank you! This was one of my favorite posts too. I love the topic of friendship and really it never gets old for me, which was what attracted me to Rachel’s book. I checked out your blog . . . it made me want to relieve those first years out of college! I love the WP theme you’re using too. I played with that one for a while.

      Stop by my blog: Follow me on Twitter: @NinaBadzin

  101. […] always joined groups where everyone was similar to me (as in, Jewish and around the same age).  As a newcomer to the Twin Cities, I thought the groups I started or joined would be an easy way to make friends. Good idea for some […]

  102. […] Searching For a New Best Friend […]

  103. […] We introduced our husbands and our children, carving out the time in our day and the space in our hearts for a new friendship. […]

  104. […] if I devote an entire post to a book, (like I did with MWF Seeking BFF, The Happiness Project, or Click) the crux of the post is more about me than the book. This is, […]

  105. A Blogging Facelift | Nina Badzin
    August 21, 2012 | 7:01 am

    […] and I’m a blogger. So in a way, yes. But I also write about writing, publishing, reading, friendship, Judaism, social media, and […]

  106. […] mentioned before how hard it was for me to make friends when we first moved to Minneapolis 13 years ago. I wish I could go back and talk to that insecure, […]

  107. […] congratulations to the randomly chosen winners of last week’s book giveaway! Michelle Gilats will receive a signed copy from Rachel. And due to overwhelming response (and […]

  108. Jean
    December 2, 2013 | 10:13 am

    This book just shot into the my shortlist for reading. Thank you for this post.
    Jean recently posted..The HerStories Project: Women Explore the Joy, Pain, and Power of Female FriendshipMy Profile

    • Nina Badzin
      December 2, 2013 | 2:29 pm

      Thanks for reading this old one! I really did love that book and could have REALLY used it 13 years ago when I moved here. All turned out okay, though.

  109. […] you don’t take my word for it, check out HerStories Project contributor, Nina Badzin’s review of the book, as well as her own story of looking for BFFs. (When I first started blogging, Nina easily could […]

  110. […] Note that by childhood, I mean a young age all the way through high school. AND, in my case specifically, I would add long-distance to the mix since I don’t live in the city where I was raised.  […]

  111. My Obsession With the Topic of Friendship
    January 25, 2014 | 12:19 pm

    […] is one of my favorite topics. I’ve discussed moving to Minneapolis and how hard it was to make new friends as an adult. I’ve written about the role of couple friends in a marriage, the power of giving friends […]

  112. […] started my first book club in the summer of 2000. I was twenty-three and had recently moved to Minneapolis where I knew my husband’s (then fiance’s) family and not another soul. In my fantasy of young […]

  113. Farrah
    November 30, 2014 | 2:12 pm

    I loved this book! I actually started reading it on my honeymoon, 6 months after moving to my husband’s hometown. It’s been a struggle, but I’ve made some friends. A lot of relationships were put on hold when Baby came, because we were one of the first to have kids. I need to do the work to make more friend dates and not be scared or fret about not clicking. So happy to know someone else has been there and came out on the other side with some wonderful new (now old) friends!

    • Nina Badzin
      December 3, 2014 | 10:44 pm

      Farrah, I would really love to hear more about what has worked and what hasn’t! I write a friendship advice column and it would just be great to hear your experience. I’m doing the topic of making new friends in a new city in January so promise to email me before then!

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