Some time in the summer of 2014 I got an email (or was it a phone call?) from the fantastic editors at The HerStories Project asking if I wanted to start a friendship advice column at their site. Jessica and Stephanie are entrepreneurs, great editors, and compelling writers. Also, I love thinking, reading, and writing about friendship. It took me 30 seconds to say yes, and the “HerTake: Practical Tips for Modern Connections” friendship column was born.
Did I have any credentials to discuss friendship other than my own over-analysis of the topic in my life and a history of writing about it for my blog and other sites? Nope, I sure didn’t. But I have a knack (can I brag like that?) for finding the real question within the question and for treating each letter writer with seriousness and respect. I think readers have responded well to the column because these are topics that many of us like to discuss, but we don’t want to seem so obsessive when we’re talking to our “real life” people about the intricacies of friendship “stuff.”
My first column went up in September 2014. In the early days I was doing two posts a month and answering two questions within each post, but after a while I realized that I was putting so much into each answer that doing two in a post was making each one impossibly long to read. I really DID have a lot to say about friendship! Now I answer one question at a time. You can see all the topics I’ve covered at the bottom of this post. If you’ve written a question and I have not answered it, that’s because I probably did something too similar OR because it was about ME. (That actually happened once. I’m still traumatized. It’s the one down side of an anonymous form.)
When I get a new letter I hold my breath before I open it, hoping that it’s something new. Recently I received one about the issue of unfriending on Facebook (you’ll see it next week). It’s EXACTLY the type of question that made Jessica and Stephanie want to start the column and why they called it “Practical Tips for Modern Connections.” The issue of online unfriending is not one that any advice columnist would have received a decade ago. We are truly in a new era of friendship conundrums, and yet, some of the questions, even the ones involving technology, have an “age old” quality to them.
Latest posts by Nina Badzin (see all)
- Dear Nina in The Guardian - May 1, 2024
- Overtalking, Undertalking, and Lessons for Friendships in the Art of Storytelling - April 30, 2024
- Dear Nina in The Wall Street Journal - April 27, 2024
- 5 Friendship Issues to Consider Addressing with a Therapist - April 17, 2024
48 Responses
Nina, as you know, I love your column! Your credentials are listed in all those links – your answers are always intricately thought out, layered, honest, and wise. Sometimes I read the question and I’m like, how the heck is she going to tackle this one? And then you nail it. Can’t wait for the unfriend one!
Dana recently posted..Living Hands Free
Thank you for saying that re: credentials. 🙂 (Well thanks for all of it!)
Happy anniversary! I enjoy reading your column for a few reasons: 1) I find relationships fascinating 2) I appreciate your honesty and advice, particularly because it is thoughtful and respectful and 3) the comments from other readers add more even more depth and perspective to the specific issue.
I love the idea of picking any book from your list as a giveaway – I may borrow that idea one day!
Dana recently posted..When they become teenagers
Steal away! Meanwhile we read so many of the same books! I bet the lists are 50% the same.
I love your column – it’s honest and respectful, and always gives us something to think about.
tracy recently posted..How To Cope With A Running Injury
Thank you, my friend!
Happy anniversary! Congrats!
I love the friendship column for several reasons. First, I enjoy reading your words and find your take on a wide variety of issues, including friendship to be applicable and insightful. I also love the column because I think that sometimes we assume the friendship should be one of those “easy” relationships that doesn’t require much effort. But like any good and strong relationship (marriage, parent-child, etc.), friendships are hard work to maintain. They involve awkward conversations and honesty and loads of forgiveness.
Congrats again!
Christine Organ recently posted..When the Sky Is Falling (or feels like it)
Thank you! And that’s so true about the expectation of “easy.” Most worthwhile relationships rarely are.
I read your column because i view it as a tremendous learning experience and it gives me something to think about.
Thank you so much for sharing that here!
Happy Anniversary. I can’t wait to read the next column – that’s a good one! It’s happen to me, and often randomly and I don’t get it. Can’t wait for your take.
Happened to me, too, and yeah– it traumatized me for a while.
Your column (and all of your articles EVERYWHERE) are always so thoughtful and articulate; a perfect blend of opinion and fact.
It is not bragging to say you have a knack for unearthing the “question within a question” it’s simply true.
Wherever you are writing, I will be reading.
Congratulations on a year of helpful, straightforward advice.
Love,
A Forever Fan
🙂
That is the kindest comment ever. Thank you!
Happy 1 year, Nina, and congrats on all these years at NinaBadzin.com. I always love reading your words, no matter the subject, but friendship is the brilliant and untouchable thing which makes the world go round — at least in mine. I don’t think life can be rich without close friends. Your words on friendship are epic and someday we’ll be looking back at your column as we do Ann Landers or Dear Abby. 🙂 Congrats and keep up the wonderful work!
Jennifer King recently posted..A Weekend on the Tennessee River
Thank you thank you thank you! We should do some sort of anniversary celebration at Great New Books in January! Wasn’t it a January when we started??
Nina,
I absolutely adore your column. Your advice is insightful and practical. You do have a knack and it isn’t bragging – claim your skills, my friend!
Congrats! Happy Anniversary. Looking forward to reading future friendship columns.
Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri recently posted..A Few Friday Faves
Thank you! And your insightful comments there have helped readers too!
I love the column a rare treat& pleasure so open honest.Really good caring advice.
Happy Anniversary.
Thank you so much, Rhonda!
Oh wow. I can’t believe (!) it’s been a year already. I love the column. I love reading your take on the questions and I love Steph and Jessica and everything about HerStories and friendship and how it’s so complex. Honestly, at times, I think I’ve thought more about the complexities of my friendships than I do about my marriage. I know I’ve said this before in the comments at HS but one thing that really gets me is how hard it is to make friends once we become moms. Playgound talk is so interrupted, and often superficial, and it feels like it takes years to forge the connections that came so easily during a drunken night in college.
Kristi Campbell recently posted..On Making Assumptions and Giving People a Break
That is such a good point on the thinking through the friendship issues more than marriage. I guess we can count ourselves lucky that our marriages haven’t required that much analysis!
Nina:
Your friendship column is one of my favorites and I am a huge fan!! Although the questions that your readers present to you are specific to a unique situation or series of events, your knack for recognizing the underlying problem in the their relationship issue is a true gift. It is this fundamental problem that you identify that all of us can relate to in past, present, and future relationships.
Your analysis and advice is objective and hearfelt, and responsive to so many kinds of relationships on every level.
The saying goes “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem”. You’re not just part of the solution, Nina; you ARE the solution!
Wishing you the very happiest of anniversaries.
Best,
Judy
Thank you so much, Judy!
I’ve often wondered.. what makes someone qualified to write an advice column. All I know is I’ve read yours and I see exactly what the HerStories ladies see. For sure!
Tamara recently posted..Because Tonight, Tonight, Tonight.
Thank you!
Ditto!
Pam recently posted..Musings on Motherhood, Guilt, and Creativity
Has it REALLY been a year? Wowee wow wow! As you know, Nina, I am astounded by the spot-on-ness of your responses to friendship questions — and how level-headed your advice is. Often (ok – always) I think, “Wow. I would NOT have known how to offer advice on that one.” Or that one. Or that one. It’s always insightful and helpful to see that many of us struggle with the same issues. Your voice of reason offers a bit of solace in this crazy age of friending/friendships/expectations.
Great giveaway, too! Happy anniversary (and I hope cake is involved somehow).
Melissa Crytzer Fry recently posted..Elusive Visitor
Thank you! You’ve been such a great supporter and insightful commenter since the beginning.
Wow, happy one year! I think you make a wonderful columnist for friendship advice. I love that you’re respectful but don’t sugar-coat your answers when someone needs to hear the truth. (I can’t believe someone sent you a question about you; yikes!) Congrats, Nina. Here’s to many more.
Annie Neugebauer recently posted..The Hadal Zone
Thank you for nothing that about the icky question! I feel like most people probably glazed over that line. Yes! It was terrible and took me MONTHS to get over it. Anyway, other than that, it’s been a great experience. Thanks for keeping up with it!
Good heavens. A year of advice for me to catch up on! Hooray. So glad I’ve discovered you. Happy one year. Here’s to many, many more.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted..Do Quirk Magnets Attract?
I’ve seen your name in different places! I think we “hang out” on several of the same blogs. 🙂
I love your column because you give thoughtful answers, and I never feel like you’re being pithy or insincere.
Angela recently posted..Some second grade changes
Thank you so much for that, Angela!
I love your advice, Nina. It’s so accessible and insightful. I look forward to reading the next one! Yes! And love the giveaway, too. Perfection.
You’re always great about the supporting the column, often adding your own advice. It’s much appreciated!
Congrats on one awesome year of friendship advice!! I read the column mainly because I love your writing. I love the way you carefully examine a friendship issue from various angles and approach it with tact and kindness… I also love to read Dear Abby in our local paper, but the people writing to Abby generally have problems that are very different from my own. Your readership is far more relatable to me.
Pam recently posted..Musings on Motherhood, Guilt, and Creativity
Thank you so much for being such a great supporter of the column (and of me)! I’m so grateful!
Right back at you, Nina!!
pam recently posted..Musings on Motherhood, Guilt, and Creativity
Nina, congrats on this one year milestone!! The column is so well written and your advice is sage. I’m looking forward to reading more in the coming year. I see one now that could be relevant for me that I have yet to read. Thanks for being there for all of us!! xo
Mimi recently posted..Counting Down To 40…
Thanks so much for your support on it, Mimi!
Congratulations on your column anniversary! I have loved reading your friendship advice over the last year. Even when I can’t relate to the particular situation of the question, your advice usually always points out some insights about friendship that make me think. I have always admired how through your writing you (from what I can tell!) have found the niche areas you really care about sharing and exploring. It is very inspiring for someone new to writing like me. Thanks for the great content.
Caryn recently posted..Managing the Crossroads Guest Post
Thanks so much, Caryn! I really believe I’m the same in person and online, and I attribute that to only writing about what interests me. I just can’t fake it! I’m so glad you’ve been able to relate to topics in the friendship column even if you haven’t dealt with those particular issues. It’s the same for me! It’s not like I’ve had every issue in my life, but the roots of the questions are often related to each other. Thanks again for this great comment!
Hi Nina. Bold honest truth …? I would not have gone on the web looking for friendship advice. … I thought it didn’t relate to me as much … as I have my circle of friends and family fairly content and admittedly small. But ….. Your thought provoking writing made me read multiple blogs to the end. And wouldn’t you know? So much I could relate to! And all honest and thoughtful. Happy Blog e versirary!
I only want truth here! I love that you wrote that– loved the whole comment. Thanks for reading TO THE END. They are LONG columns!
A year of awesome, is what I call it, Nina! You know I love your column and sage advice so much. (So much, in fact, that I’ve submitted [redacted number] question[s] myself … shhhh)
You have a true gift with words and teasing out the heart of the matter. I hope we get to savor another year of advice from you. I read the column because, in all frankness, friendship in my late 30s through now early 40s is where I seem to struggle most in my life. You help make that rutted and often lonely path easier to traverse. Thank you.
Kristen recently posted..If You Ask Me How . . . Reading Books
Send more!! 🙂 (and thank you)