Friendship with a writer isn’t easy.
Like actors and other artists, we’re among the neediest friends of all. Writers with blogs . . . we’re the double-dipping worst, seeking an audience for our published works AND our blog posts.
So in the spirit of last week’s Thanksgiving holiday, I’m dedicating this post to MY friends and ALL friends of writers who put up with an endless stream of writerly mishegoss (Yiddish for crazy behavior.)
THANK YOU, FRIENDS OF WRITERS, FOR DEALING WITH USÂ
1. when we talk incessantly about our works-in-progress. Unforgivable: when we use the term “WIP” in real life.
- when we refuse to talk about our works-in-progress, giving cryptic answers to genuine inquires about what we’re working on now.
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when we overuse your willingness to read rough drafts, peppering your inbox several times a day with subject lines reading “WAIT” or “THIS ONE INSTEAD” because we changed a word on page eighty-four.
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when we take your criticism too personally.
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when we take your praise too personally and ask you to read more drafts.
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when we ask permission to use a story you just told for a story we’re writing, promising to change names, of course.
- when we don’t ask permission, and/or forget to change the names.
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when we ask if you liked a particular post on our blog, which is passive-aggressive blogger speak for: next time leave a comment and “like” it on Facebook.
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when we inundate you with asinine questions like, “Can I use this picture on my blog or does my nose/butt/pimple/(fill in the blank) look big?”
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when we’re defensive at your suggestion that the blog might be getting in the way of our writing time.
My friends have been through all of the above with me and more, and I can’t express my gratitude enough. I only hope I’m as good of a friend to them as they are to me. (This all goes for family too, but they deserve their very own post.)
Writers and bloggers: Did I leave anything out? How else do we test our friends’ patience?
ASK MEÂ AN ANONYMOUS FRIENDSHIP ADVICE QUESTIONÂ ANY TIME! Â
JOIN THE DISCUSSION ANY TIME ON THE NEWÂ DEAR NINA FACEBOOK PAGE. Â
LEAVE AÂ VOICE MAILÂ ABOUT THIS POST!
ALL THE FRIENDSHIP TOPICS I’VE ALREADY COVERED SINCE 2014 ARE HERE.
Photo by Kevin Delvecchio on Unsplash
Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash
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36 Responses
More rough drafts please!
You’ve written this as if it would’ve been enough, dayenu; however, your friends are proud, enjoy taking part in your creative process, and look forward to toasting you at a divine book release party someday soon.
Ah, crap, I think I see myself in #10 (and #3)! With you, I see our critique set up as confirmation that I’m not crazy (or at the very least, it’s not too bad yet because I’m no crazier than Nina). Let’s just keep peppering each other’s boxes with “Wait! This One Instead”s because you JUST KNOW that page 84 word choice revision just MAKES the manuscript!
NanC-One day! I’m in short story land still but I’m getting ready to dive back into a bigger project.
Alissa- You’re too good to me!!!! Miss you!
Anne- you and I are both queens of the “wait” email! But we’re not just friends, we’re critique partners, too, and we get to break all normal rules of social conduct!
I’m guilty of #2. Big time.
It’s a hard one. I always feel like until I can say what it’s about in two sentences, or even one, I shouldn’t even start.
Secretly, we all love it!!!!!! Don’t stop!
ha! Don’t worry about – love reading, and re-reading, and re-reading, and then re-reading again! I am your biggest fan!
Jenni! You’re basically a co-author of everything at this point. If “we” ever hit it big we’ll have to go on Nate Berkus now that Oprah is almost done.
Never annoying!! Actually I am honored when you involve me in your processes (and future successes – ha!!) xoxo
Love the title…and the picture of course!!! I secretly love when I see your name in my inbox and the subject is: “Please read”, followed by “Ignore, read this one instead”!!! I enjoy every minute of it…so don’t stop!
Marlys, Rebecca, and Nancy!! Thanks! I know I certainly do my share of sending to you guys! 🙂
Yes, I agree…love being a part of this process with you! I was actually going to ask you last night about the time you spend on your blog vs. your other writing, but I didn’t want to offend you! I love reading everything you write, you’re doing awesome!
Ha! Cym! It wouldn’t offend me. I’m definitely trying to figure out the balance right now.
THe picture is perfect, and you are right,,,,it is all encompasing, and the thoughts are always going…and everything is a potential chapter..
sigh. are we that obnoxious????
Alexandra- I’m afraid we might be!
Oh, it’s all too, too true! Having a writer in your life can be hazardous to your health. I usually tell new friends– “Anything you say can and will be taken down and used against you in a work of fiction.”
LOVE the new blog name/subheading. Perfect.
Anne! I like that line. And thanks again for helping me push the name/subheading in the direction. This is the blogging world at it’s best, don’t you think? So nice to “know” you now!
Creative and crazy, that’s what draws us to writers and people who can tell us a story, where we can see ourselves. We instinctively look for it anyway. It means we matter to someone. What a gift! Writers are sometimes our personal fortune tellers… showing us through their observations what we want to hold on to, what we hide, what we want to hear. This happens all in one place, by a wise sage who will spin the tale and hold our hand. Maybe wear some funky outfit and clunky jewelry while she does it, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. 🙂
Lovely, Jen, as always. You know you’re a writer, too, right?
Me? Nah. I’m just SuperMama. *smartly snaps cape*
Hi there — found you via Lydia Sharp’s retweet. Love your list! Can I add, “when we manipulate all book club discussions back to our own writing, because we are supposedly experts” Of course, this one is completely hypothetical…
Amanda! Welcome!!! You are SO right. I’m invited to book clubs often but I don’t join anymore because anyone in a book club with me ends up hating me by the 2nd meeting. Seriously. It’s been a problem!
I felt like I was reading one of those quizzes that help determine if you’re an alcoholic.
Loved it… what a perfect “thanksgiving” post!!! I feel lucky to have such a witty, articulate, excellent(!) writer as my friend 🙂
P.S. Like the new Blog name… are you happy with it now???
Kevin! Ha!!! Did you pass the test?
Nancy- you are so sweet and ALWAYS such a good audience and a good sport. And yes, I finally like the name. Hardly original, but gives me more wiggle room.
I thought I was your biggest fan – but apparently I have a lot of competition!!! Ditto to what everyone else said and PLEASE write more! XO
You know, it makes all of us so proud to be a part of your life. No need to send thanks. You rock just the way you are. And by the way, I have lots of great new stories that could make for terrific fiction fodder. 🙂
Jorie! You’re still up there, of course!
Lisa, ooooooh, tempting. We need a phone date STAT.
Nope, you nailed it! I’m going to share. 🙂
Hilarious. And so true. I feel most sorry for my family and friends who I’ve asked to read a rough draft . . . when it was WAY too rough.
Oh yeah, when I later reread something rough I’ve let someone else read, I want to crawl in a hole.
Loved it, so very true. Certain friends never get to see my work because their critique is so over the top.
Jack! Welcome and thanks for commenting. Going to check out your blog right now.
Hello friends, how is the whole thing, and what you wish for
to say about this article, in my view its in fact awesome for me.
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