This week’s friendship question was short and easy to answer. A writer was worried about ex-friends reaching out to her after her book comes out. And I assured her that most friends, let alone ex-friends, will not be reading her book. It’s a sad truth, but maybe in this case, a welcome one. It’s very hard to get friends and family to buy and read your work. Many writers struggle with that reality.
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Dear Nina,
For many years I had “friends” I didn’t even like. (That’s a whole book in and of itself.) I was able to create distance and then lose touch with them. Phew! And the good news is that I love my current friends.
I’m writing a memoir, and when I start promoting it, (you know, like on the Today Show–ha ha), I imagine old “friends” will arise and want to rekindle things. It’s already happened on a small scale on social media. I want to be prepared with some answers to keep the firm distance, without being rude or hurtful. Ideas? Thanks!
Signed, Not Interested in Friends Coming Out of the Woodwork
Dear Not Interested . . . ,
I’m social-media friendly with authors of all levels and I’m going to tell you something perhaps nobody else will tell you directly: Even your closest friends and extended family members might not buy your book. Or they will buy it, but not read it. Every day on Facebook and Twitter I see the gymnastics authors perform to sell their books. It doesn’t look easy. And it doesn’t look glamorous.
From what I can tell, this is the reality: Your current good friends might even avoid liking your posts about the book on Facebook or asking you anything about the publishing process for fear that you’re going to send yet another email about buying the book or about leaving reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. People you consider friends may avoid coming in contact with you for the entirety of your initial debut for fear that you’re going to ask them to come to readings or take a picture of your book on the beach and share it all over social media.
My point is that even people who currently like you and seem to encourage your efforts are not burning with desire to buy and/or read your book. So if a few ex-friends show some interest in your memoir, I wouldn’t be so fast to push away that support. And if they actually take the time to read it, post about it, or come to an event, you might want to consider loosening up those boundaries a bit. You don’t have to invite any of your old friends to be your plus-one at the Today Show, but a nicely worded thank you email would certainly be in order.
I’m not saying to ever allow anyone to treat you badly, but I’d be gracious to all of your readers. They will be harder to come by than you think.
Best of luck with the book (and the friends!), Nina
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Photo: Photo by Maciej Ostrowski on Unsplash
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