The Friend Who Ignores Your Social Media Posts

The Friend Who Ignores Your Social Media Posts

IN today’s episode we will cover what to do when you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder from your friend, but on social media. Ever had a friend who seems to like and heart all of your mutual friends’ posts but ignores yours? You’d like to rise above it all, but you can’t help feeling hurt.

You can listen below or on APPLE PODCASTSSPOTIFY, or anywhere you like to listen.

 

Meet Rudri

Today’s guest is Rudri Patel. Rudri is a lawyer turned freelance writer, editor, and instructor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, her essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, Business Insider, Apartment Therapy, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, ESPN, Parents and elsewhere. Her literary work appears in MoonPark Review, Milk Candy Review, Pidgeonholes, and 101 Words. She received a Best Small Fictions nomination in 2021. She also teaches several classes through Writers.com. Rudri is currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. Find Rudri at her site and on Twitter and Instagram

 
The question was read by author Heather Strommen, who writes fiction and also runs the popular and gorgeous interior design instagram account Sweet Shady Lane and the account for writing inspiration, @heatherstrommenwrites
 
HERE IS THE LETTER: 

Dear Nina,

I’m confused by one of my friends who is great in person, but ignores me on Facebook. Yes, a modern “problem,” but one that does affect our relationship or at least how I view our relationship. 

First, some background: I met “Jana” in a support group as we were both going through infertility. We hit it off and have been friends now for almost ten years. (By the way, we both have kids so it ended well.)

When we’re together in person or on the phone, we connect well, and I feel like she’s one of my closest friends. But then she completely ignores me on social media. We are friends on Facebook and Instagram, and I see that she likes and comments on (seemingly) everybody else’s feeds but mine. I don’t go looking for her comments because it makes me feel really bad, but we do have about 10 – 15 common friends and acquaintances, and I see her generous comments for others whether I want to or not.

The strangest thing is that she recently said to me that an acquaintance was doing this to her. I was so shocked I said nothing, but now I’m wondering if I should ask her about this, or just ignore it and pretend I don’t see all the other activity going on?

I have thought that maybe she doesn’t want to be associated with the infertility and wants to move on, but she’s very open about it, as am I.

Do you have any insights? What do you think is going on?

Signed, Tired of the Facebook Freeze


Some Notes From Our Conversation

Rudri and I touched on whether the letter writer should bring up the issue. I admitted that I’d struggle to be honest with someone about this. Rudri suggested practicing on a different friend and seeing how it feels to say it aloud. We also discussed how much is reasonable to ask of an “offline friend” in terms of online interactions. I said that I might personally notice a lack of attention in times when I’m unsure about something I’ve written and something I’ve tried. Rudri agreed that looking for affirmation from a specific person may be part of the issue here. We also talked about thinking about a friendship as a whole and not discounting the ways people are good friends in other ways. 
 

We got a few voicemail comments on this one to add to the episode, but I only was able to use one this time. If you ever want a preview of some of the questions and a chance to leave a voice mail, join my DEAR NINA Facebook group!

 

THE BETTER FRIENDSHIP GOAL OF THE WEEK:

This week our goal is to be the first to like someone’s post. Maybe you have a friend with a business, or a creative endeavor, or a friend who has written something vulnerable or funny on Facebook, Instagram, or another platform. Be the brave first person to press that heart, or thumbs up, or whatever. Social media IS social, or it can be at least. But just like in real life, there has to be some give and take.

 


GET MY MONTHLY NEWSLETTER!

ASK AN ANONYMOUS QUESTION ANY TIME!  

SEE PAST EPISODES WITH SHOW NOTES.

JOIN THE DEAR NINA FACEBOOK GROUP!

FOLLOW ALONG ON INSTAGRAM.

The following two tabs change content below.
Nina Badzin hosts the podcast Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. She's been writing about friendship since 2014, co-leads the writing groups at ModernWell in Minneapolis, and reviews 30+ books a year on her website.

One Response

  1. I thought about the subject matter and understood you immediately. I’ve been there too,
    where a close friend answers others, and not yours. They might just think your friendship is closer, more in person, and wouldn’t feel the need to openly acknowledge, like you, or wish you a happy birthday.

    It wouldn’t have hurt however especially when you acknowledge them.

    FB or InstaG is one way to announce ideas and birthdays.
    Being together is even better.

    I did think before I said something and decided not to say it.
    Your feelings are real…try not to take it personally.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hi, I'm Nina

HI, I’M NINA BADZIN. I’m a writer fascinated by the dynamics of friendship, and I’ve been answering anonymous advice questions on the topic since 2014. I now also answer them on my podcast, Dear Nina! I’m a creative writing instructor at ModernWell in Minneapolis, a freelance writer and editor, and an avid reader who reviews 50 books a year. Welcome to my site! 

Get The Newsletter

I send an email once or twice a month with the latest friendship letters, podcast episodes, book reviews, recipes, and more.

Hi, I'm Nina

DEAR NINA: Conversations About Friendship is a podcast and newsletter about the ups and downs of adult friendship. I’m the host, Nina Badzin, a Minneapolis-based writer who accepted a position as a friendship advice columnist in 2014 and never stopped. DEAR NINA, the podcast, started in 2021, and has been referenced in The Wall Street JournalThe Washington PostTime Magazine, The GuardianThe Chicago TribuneThe Minneapolis Star Tribune, and elsewhere

Get The Newsletter

I send emails through Substack with the latest anonymous friendship letters, podcast episodes, book reviews, and more.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.