The Friend Who Ignores Your Social Media Posts
IN today’s episode we will cover what to do when you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder from your friend, but on social media. Ever had a friend who seems to like and heart all of your mutual friends’ posts but ignores yours? You’d like to rise above it all, but you can’t help feeling hurt.
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Meet Rudri
Today’s guest is Rudri Patel. Rudri is a lawyer turned freelance writer, editor, and instructor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, her essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, Business Insider, Apartment Therapy, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, ESPN, Parents and elsewhere. Her literary work appears in MoonPark Review, Milk Candy Review, Pidgeonholes, and 101 Words. She received a Best Small Fictions nomination in 2021. She also teaches several classes through Writers.com. Rudri is currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. Find Rudri at her site and on Twitter and Instagram.
Dear Nina,
I’m confused by one of my friends who is great in person, but ignores me on Facebook. Yes, a modern “problem,” but one that does affect our relationship or at least how I view our relationship.
First, some background: I met “Jana” in a support group as we were both going through infertility. We hit it off and have been friends now for almost ten years. (By the way, we both have kids so it ended well.)
When we’re together in person or on the phone, we connect well, and I feel like she’s one of my closest friends. But then she completely ignores me on social media. We are friends on Facebook and Instagram, and I see that she likes and comments on (seemingly) everybody else’s feeds but mine. I don’t go looking for her comments because it makes me feel really bad, but we do have about 10 – 15 common friends and acquaintances, and I see her generous comments for others whether I want to or not.
The strangest thing is that she recently said to me that an acquaintance was doing this to her. I was so shocked I said nothing, but now I’m wondering if I should ask her about this, or just ignore it and pretend I don’t see all the other activity going on?
I have thought that maybe she doesn’t want to be associated with the infertility and wants to move on, but she’s very open about it, as am I.
Do you have any insights? What do you think is going on?
Signed, Tired of the Facebook Freeze
Some Notes From Our Conversation
We got a few voicemail comments on this one to add to the episode, but I only was able to use one this time. If you ever want a preview of some of the questions and a chance to leave a voice mail, join my DEAR NINA Facebook group!
THE BETTER FRIENDSHIP GOAL OF THE WEEK:
This week our goal is to be the first to like someone’s post. Maybe you have a friend with a business, or a creative endeavor, or a friend who has written something vulnerable or funny on Facebook, Instagram, or another platform. Be the brave first person to press that heart, or thumbs up, or whatever. Social media IS social, or it can be at least. But just like in real life, there has to be some give and take.
ASK AN ANONYMOUS QUESTION ANY TIME!
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One Response
I thought about the subject matter and understood you immediately. I’ve been there too,
where a close friend answers others, and not yours. They might just think your friendship is closer, more in person, and wouldn’t feel the need to openly acknowledge, like you, or wish you a happy birthday.
It wouldn’t have hurt however especially when you acknowledge them.
FB or InstaG is one way to announce ideas and birthdays.
Being together is even better.
I did think before I said something and decided not to say it.
Your feelings are real…try not to take it personally.