What We Can Learn From Male Friendships
Today’s episode about male friendship came about organically when my brother-in-law, Dave Dluger got into a conversation about how male friendships seem to involve less drama, and I realized we ought to record it as an episode. I loved getting a male perspective on some of the previous episodes.
In addition to male friendships, we talked about friends being there for Dave and my sister during hard times, being aware of our personality foibles while with good friends, thoughts on friends ignoring our social media posts, and much more.
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Dave’s Lessons From Male Friendships
— We talked about the struggle when kids stop being friends, but the parents want to stay friends. (from episode 2)
Helping a Friend in Crisis
— We talked about the year my nephew, Joshua, (Dave’s stepson) was diagnosed with DIPG, a terminal brain tumor, and just a little bit of what that year was like from when they learned the news and when Joshua passed away at the age of 12. He said people were so amazing about helping and that he learned to help others from that, but especially from watching his wife, Lisa, (my sister) help so many others for so many years before that. Dave said, “She was paying it forward without ever knowing she’d have to ask people to help us.”
— We talked about feeling close to online friends we’ve never met. Dave and Lisa have experienced that a lot in the community of parents dealing with pediatric cancer.
Do Men Need To Spend More Time On Friendship?
— I asked Dave if he thought men are lonely and need to pay more attention to friendships, and he didn’t think that was really a thing men think about. The book I just reviewed by Billy Baker, We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends, would disagree. But there’s no “right” answer here!
— We talked about the role of humor in his friendships.
— We talked about times I worry I have toned down my personality so much to make sure I’m not talking too much that I feel drone-like at times. Then I joked that Dave was becoming my therapist.
Some favorite quotes:
I tried to tell Dave why I think he’s so easy to get along with and how some traits of his could help so many people with their friendships. I said, “The keys to getting along with friends might be: not looking to take offense, not going out of your way to collect evidence that you’ve been slighted in some way, and seeing the best in people.”
In describing friendship, especially in the year when Joshua was sick, Dave, said, “This is what friendship is for. ‘I see you’re having an issue. I can actually fix that issue, would you like my help? In return, I don’t want anything for it.’ Even if we haven’t spoken in a year, if I see a friend on social media has an issue I can fix, I’ll reach out.”
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