[00:00:00] Rebekah: finding your three to five

[00:00:01] Nina: your three to five closest friends. Is three to five a lot? Should we say one to three?

[00:00:06] Rebekah: No, I think it’s three to five. That’s the jacuzzi.

[00:00:09] Nina: Okay. That’s good. This is why you’re here. Welcome to Dear Nina, conversations about friendship.

I am so thrilled to have with me my assistant producer who has been behind the scenes for a while, Rebekah Jacobs. Rebekah, you gonna say hi

[00:00:27] Rebekah: Hi, everyone.

[00:00:28] Nina: She’s been around. We’ll have to think about how long, probably we should have thought of that before we started recording, but,

before we hear about her and I get a chance to tell you more about her and she will really tell you more about herself. I want you to know that this is a Letter Spotlight episode. We will be analyzing a letter together. And you should know that Rebekah and I are often analyzing letters together. It’s just, you will actually get to hear her live, just like we do behind the scenes.

Rebekah has not been with me forever and ever. I’ve been writing about friendship for 10 years and oftentimes I’ve had other friends answer the letters with me. My best friend, Taryn, gets quoted a lot. My mom gets quoted a lot and I haven’t really quoted you. Rebekah, but I don’t know if I’ve used exact quotes.

It’s more like we’re discussing. So you will get a chance to actually answer yourself. And that letter is going to be about finding your three to five closest friends. It was a excellent letter. So Rebekah turning to you, I want you to tell us a little bit about yourself . And then we’ll tell the people how we met.

Cause we have our own little friendship story. That’s worth telling.

[00:01:30] Rebekah: Yes, it’s so funny because we really mirrored each other. We both are Chicagoland suburbs. We both moved away from the suburbs. We both taught English. So we had these intersecting Venn diagrams, but never Met. And why that’s important is ’cause when I met you, I felt like I knew you. And sometimes that happens with friends.

but I had become a super fan and I was listening to the podcast I pitched you a letter about books and friendship and it sort of skyrocketed from there. And when we, um, later talk about kind of discovering those close friends, I think it always is something you’ve said. it starts with a doing.

It starts with an action. In this scenario, it was writing you a letter, and it just, blossomed, but without that step, I wouldn’t have met a new close friend. I consider you, a boss, but I consider you a close friend

as well. So it’s a, it’s a funny relationship, but it’s, it’s very cool, and it’s unique, It’s been so much fun for me learning from you and working with you.

[00:02:28] Nina: You are such a natural and it was a very organic friendship and an organic working relationship, even before I tell my side of that and how I remember it, tell us a little bit about where you live now, what you do.

[00:02:40] Rebekah: I am a college professor. I teach community college. I’ve taught English for a long time. I love reading. I love writing. And so that is sort of a dream one day, but for the most part, I teach English and also love, like you, thinking about friendship, thinking about relationship.

[00:02:57] Nina: I’ve moved a great deal throughout my adult life. My husband was in the Navy, so I’ve had to create new friendships several times, and it’s something that’s near and dear to my experience.

How did you find the podcast?

[00:03:09] Rebekah: I love thinking about friendship. I think about it a lot, and I think I, found it that way. Probably searching via friendship. And I’ve had friends send me it before. Also a friend thought I might like an episode. So it did feel organic.

[00:03:22] Nina: I remember you being a listener and like being someone who got my newsletter and sometimes we would correspond just you know via email Because you would respond to something in the newsletter, then you pitched me I don’t even know if you were pitching it for you to be a guest or you were just like oh you should do an episode about Friendships in novels and memoirs and here’s like a bunch of books I liked and as I said to you then Well, maybe you should be the guest. You’re not somebody who was trying to be a guest per se. I was just like, well, will you be on it with me? And then you were like, okay, you know, sure. we had fun doing that. We emailed a lot back and forth about that. You were so organized. I loved how you organized the books and I will link that episode in the show notes.

then as time went on, we would just communicate as friends. I then came to Maryland for one of my college best friends, kids B’nai Mitzvah, twins, everyone, when it’s two, it’s B’nai. I know a lot of people out there, aren’t Jewish, it’s Bat Mitzvah or Bar Mitzvah, but when it’s two, it’s a B’nai Mitzvah.

I was coming to Maryland, and we decided to, uh, Meet because I wasn’t going to be that far from you. We met in person, but we had talked so much by then. It was like, of course we knew each other. So there’s so many pieces. There’s the online, there’s the get together in person. You know, I could have come in town and not mentioned it, or I guess that would have been weird, but I, or I could have said I’m too busy, but made it work. You came to get me. We went to a little deli or something,

[00:04:37] Rebekah: Yeah. Yeah. We sat outside.

[00:04:39] Nina: I have a cute picture. Maybe I’ll use that picture for the graphic. Then where I think it gets interesting is we started to correspond a lot about life, but then also about the podcast and you would send me ideas.

You were like, Oh, I have this idea. Finally, over time, I was like, you know, I really love discussing these ideas with you, but I don’t want to feel like I’m Taking you for granted or usurping your time. So I was like, can you come on board in a professional capacity? That, that’s how it happened. And it took a little courage on both of our parts to try something totally different.

[00:05:07] Rebekah: I remember getting that letter. I remember being so excited and thinking about it, and also a little would this change the friendship? I hope if this doesn’t work out, that you would be honest with me. So it did take a, an act of bravery as you’ve said before.

It felt. Yeah. Like, it all came together and I appreciated the opportunity. So it’s like what you said, it’s someone has to make a move to, deepen things or change things or grow a relationship. and you did that.

[00:05:32] Nina: so people should know if you’re ever pitching the show now, you’re really pitching me and Rebekah. she’s seen the pitches. We talk about them together. It is so nice when you’ve been a solo operation for as long as I have to have somebody on the team. Rebekah’s able to, yeah. Along with me and I don’t think anyone else can do this. Think about the show in totality. What have we done? What’s coming up? she’s helping produce the show. It’s fantastic.

All right I think we should get to our letter

[00:05:56] Rebekah: All right. I’m ready.

[00:05:57] Nina: I’m going to read the letter, but there is something that needs to be explained in the middle of it. And I’m going to have Rebekah do that.

Dear Nina, after listening to your episode with Anna Goldfarb, I’ve been trying to build my jacuzzi. I feel like I have a bathtub and a very large pool, but the jacuzzi is hard for me to define. So I want to pause here for Rebekah to explain jacuzzi, pool, who’s Anna all that.

[00:06:20] Rebekah: Anna Goldfarb was on episode 126 and she helped us understand this water metaphor. And remember water is very fluid, but a bathtub is small. It doesn’t fit many people. Usually for women, it’s a significant other and the best friend. A jacuzzi is that outer ring. That’s three to five people.

The people you would thank in an Academy Awards speech. Someone you would call if you were excited or scared. I’ve also heard it called front row funeral friends who’s at your front row, but I’d rather be in a jacuzzi than, at my funeral. the lower tier is your swimming pool.

That’s it. 10 to 15 people, someone you go on a double date with, a close co worker, but maybe she doesn’t know about your kids or hasn’t met them. your bonfire people, that’s about 50. You invite them to a wedding, a bar mitzvah, you send your holiday cards. I understand what she’s saying about the jacuzzi.

That’s those wholehearted friendships that you really want to cultivate, you want to deepen them. It’s not your wide net. it’s that small group, but not, not your bathtub.

[00:07:18] Nina: yes, I remember that part of Modern Friendship is Anna’s book. Anna and I didn’t even really discuss this piece in the episode, so I’m glad the letter writer brought it up.

Okay. So going back to the letter, That last line was, I feel like I have a bathtub and a very large pool, but the jacuzzi is hard for me to define.

I recently pulled back from a very close friendship that took a lot of my time because I realized it was not reciprocal. So I have been trying to pour into other friendships instead, but I’m not entirely sure the best way to do this. This may seem like a strange thing to label as a problem, but I feel like I have too many friends.

I have one best friend and there’s no doubt she is like family and we would do anything for each other. I have wonderful positive feelings about her most of the time and do not question or have concerns about this friendship. We’ve been friends for 20 years and still light each other up. So she and my husband are my bathtub.

beyond that, I have a historic best friend from college, but I feel like the connection is slipping for many reasons. I just don’t feel excited to see her anymore, and I’m not sure how to get that excitement back. I have other people I would love to see more often, and who could be part of my jacuzzi, but they either live far away, or they have many other friends as well, and there’s just not the time together to build that bond.

I have many friends in town I have been friends with for many years, and it’s fun. Just not a soul connection, if that makes sense. I have friends from high school I see a couple times a year. I have a running buddy. I have dog play date friends.

Lots of people to go out to dinner with. I get invited to a lot of events and so on. So yes, many friends, but I’m missing those deep bonds. I would love to feel that I have a few more besties. But I don’t know how to create this. Is it possible I am expecting too much? Sometimes I feel like the people I am most interested in are not as interested in me and people most interested in me, I’m not so interested in.

Kind of like dating. So this is my dilemma. I have a large pool, but no jacuzzi. Any advice? Signed. I thought this was so cute and I appreciate it. She signed it, Too Many Fish in the Sea, which was perfect.

I loved it. Yes. And I think it’s such a common desire for those type of three to five close friends that you are searching for and hoping for. So I don’t think it is expecting too much.

As I was reading it the first time when it showed up in my inbox, I said to myself, before she got to that line, is she expecting too much? Is she looking for like a TV, thing, something that’s in the novels, like the novels you and I discussed in the episode we did last, is that what she’s looking for, or is it realistic?

[00:09:41] Nina: I don’t know. So you think it’s not tell me more about that

[00:09:44] Rebekah: Well, I was wondering what you would think, and I was wondering, because I know sometimes I have to give advice, like don’t go for a group of friends, go for a friend. And I think I’ve heard you say that. But my instinct was, it’s not too much, three to five, that is that layer that feels like it’s not too few, it’s not too many though.

so I don’t think that expectation is too much, but I do think you have to work to get it. It doesn’t just come to you. It’s not going to be organic necessarily.

[00:10:12] Nina: and maintain it work to maintain it I do feel like I have it. So When I say that, people should look for one friend It’s just because I think it’s so overwhelming to try to develop several close friends at once. So maybe we’re both saying the same thing. It’s just I would say it’s one at a time It’s definitely not you’re gonna fall into a group of besties.

They may not all be friends with each other

[00:10:32] Rebekah: exactly. So it might not be the amount, but they might not be, you know, you might not be for getting a group who all are collective, but you may be able to get your jacuzzi spread out.

[00:10:42] Nina: She says something in the end here that I know hits home for people and it bears repeating, which is she will encounter people who she feels like, oh, this could be maybe one of those three to five, but she can tell that the chemistry maybe isn’t there on both sides.

or people are pursuing her. She didn’t use this word, but that’s what I read in between the lines is that she will get pursued by people that clearly want to be closer with her than she really wants to be. I’ve done episodes just on that kind of this I’m not that into this friendship.

It’s just one of these things where you’re like, I’m not I don’t want to be your top three. You can feel it.

[00:11:15] Rebekah: yes, there’s definitely, you can, feel it and people do get busy. So you want to keep trying. There’s different seasons where the busyness dissipates and there is more opening. And so you don’t want to give up too soon, but definitely if, she’s not responding or they’re not giving you specific dates, or it just kind of you send a text and it just lands flat, she’s right. But also don’t give up.

[00:11:37] Nina: Yeah, I have some close friends that, it was a long game and I’m not even sure who started. I hate to say the word game because it makes it sound like a game and it’s not a game, but there were periods in our life where maybe we saw each other a couple times a year and now they become like regular walking friends and it’s just developed over a long period of time. 15 years. At least.

[00:11:57] Rebekah: same as someone who had to move. It was slow and it was long and it was not sort of an intense, necessarily always like romantic love or this chemistry where, you just found your person, but it is deep and it is built over time with a shared interest. Or not, but it’s maintaining that looking for those opportunities to make it more frequent.

[00:12:17] Nina: And I also want to say that I’m glad she appreciates the pool. How many episodes do I spend talking about, trying to get people to see that those are valuable relationships and you would really miss them. It would be the opposite problem if you only had the, she mentions this best friend that she’s had for 20 years and how wonderful that relationship is.

And clearly it’s not quite enough for her. That’s what she’s saying by wanting to have more. Without the pool this would be a very lonely person. That pool is your community. It is the people that Are there a more on a regular basis, maybe not as your deepest confidant, but they’re around there, the people you sit on the bleachers with, and those people are valuable, but they may not be there when the sports done. I’m being both literal and metaphorical on the sports and the bleachers. But whatever your version of the bleachers is, in a certain period of life, those people may not be there.

This is where empty nesters sometimes feel like all of a sudden, like, Hey, okay. Wait, where is everyone? Or once you’ve retired, let’s say, and you don’t have your co workers. but those people were important for a time. But yeah, okay, so she’s looking besties.

[00:13:18] Rebekah: she also mentioned that she has some friends, but they live far away. And I think you and I would both agree that we have jacuzzi friends in our town, but also who live very far away. So I, I have. New York and California jacuzzi friends. it’s because we still make it so important. We see each other once a year.

[00:13:37] Nina: Oh, wow. Once a year’s a

[00:13:38] Rebekah: once a year, it is a commitment to see them. Everyone meets and it’s not easy. We all have our crazy schedules, but it is that knowing you can’t be in the jacuzzi if I see you every five years, it’s really hard.

[00:13:51] Nina: That’s true. Like you’re in, you’re there, you’re in a body of water of some kind together, but not the jacuzzi. Are those college friends?

[00:13:58] Rebekah: my college friends and my, my high school friends, because I don’t live where I’m from either.

[00:14:02] Nina: But it’s two separate trips.

[00:14:04] Rebekah: separate

[00:14:05] Nina: Wow. Okay. that is so

impressive.

[00:14:08] Rebekah: it is a commitment.

[00:14:10] Nina: I’m all for visiting long distance friends. That is wonderful. I want to encourage everyone that you can stay close without once a year.

But you would do need to talk on the phone and stuff though. I mean, you do. You have to make up for it somehow. I

[00:14:21] Rebekah: And we do that. The California time change, I will call if I happen to be coming late at night somewhere and I’m driving in the car. I’m like, oh, California is up. I get woken up in the middle of night. that’s sometimes when I text, you know, there’s just this moment where you, make it work because those are your jacuzzi friends and you have to cultivate it and maintain it.

Again, water’s fluid sometimes over time, your jacuzzi friend, they might go to the pool. That’s okay. Especially over time. because we’re all in these sort of crazy seasons.

[00:14:47] Nina: had a guest, Leslie, who I loved, author. She was so amazing. She was the one who had the walking friends that, do

[00:14:52] Rebekah: Oh, I love that. Yes.

[00:14:54] Nina: Uh, okay. We’re going to, link that too, but she talked to really similar to Anna with the pools, she had more like the solar system and the inner rings and the outer rings. We all have different metaphors for this, but she said something similar to what you’re saying, which is, I loved it so much.

I made an Instagram clip of it. I remember it exactly. Sometimes those clips just present themselves very obviously to me. her thing was how sometimes you have to push someone to the outer ring for a little while. Either they themselves choose to go there. You, for whatever reason, move them there or just, it just happens.

Nobody made a choice, they’re still in the solar system.

[00:15:25] Rebekah: Absolutely.

[00:15:26] Nina: love that. Not everything needs to be a black and white. We are done with this friendship. I’m very against, as you know, cutoff culture. I am, unless there’s something really massive, but I don’t think we need to cut people off.

Because they didn’t text you back a couple of times in a row. yeah, maybe they’re not in the jacuzzi for a little while, but, still around.

[00:15:46] Rebekah: Exactly. And sometimes, in your thirties and forties, your friendships really can change. One could be killing it in a job and you just got fired. I couldn’t get pregnant and my friends were, it seems just blinked and they were having their third child child and I felt distant best friends who I’ve had for so long in my jacuzzi.

You might not throw it away. Things change. And now we can kind of laugh at maybe what happened 10 years ago, or I felt judged for how I was, maybe something I was doing with it with one of my kids. And she felt I was judging and now it doesn’t matter because

[00:16:20] Rebekah: I don’t have a baby anymore. So, you know, there’s just these judgments during certain times and I would say, ride the wave for another water metaphor.

[00:16:29] Nina: That’s a good water metaphor. Okay, so you had some ideas I know . I’m going to just sit back and you can explain it, please.

[00:16:35] Rebekah: So I read a lot of friendship memoirs books about friendship, but I also read a lot of self help. I do it. self help book club. so we’re always reading different books about improving our life. And Sahil Bloom wrote five types of wealth. And he really talks about mapping your relationships.

So kudos, letter writer, too many fish in the sea. Cause you assessed your core friendships and that is really brave and it’s really honest. And you’re trying to figure out who goes where. And he actually suggests that. So it almost seems, Very researchy and almost bizarre, but he literally gives you this T chart, this map, and you want to think of the green zone and the green zone is highly supportive and frequent.

You don’t actually have to work on that. That’s your bathtub. You, it is fulfilling and you see them all, you know, you see them all the time. So don’t worry about your green zone. Your stretch area is the opportunity zone, and that is people who are very supportive, but you don’t see them frequently.

And if you want to grow your jacuzzi. really seemed to mirror just how do I do it? You have to see those really supportive people you really like more often. And it doesn’t mean you have to fly and go to a spa. It just means you maybe text them. Oh my gosh, I hear so and so sick. How are you doing?

Or, there’s this fun movie that’s out, do you want to go? it’s not so major as a trip, but it is constant and it is taking it to the next level. And it’s being a little vulnerable. I’m having a terrible day. Here’s what’s happening. it’s sharing. Without that type of sharing. It will be hard to get that opportunity zone to become your jacuzzi friends.

They’re going to stay in the pool. And again, that’s okay. We need our pool friends. we really do. It is lonely without them. But if you’re trying to shift it. You have to increase that frequency. That’s what he said. And I thought it was so genius because it really lays out an action step and a doing step instead of just being in your head.

[00:18:19] Nina: Oh, I love that. Anything that has to do with action. That is where it is at. There’s no more wishing and hoping, especially as we get older. I mean, time is slipping. Can’t just wish and hope things are different.

And I love this letter because she’s basically saying that she knows she needs to do something. It’s just more like, what do I do? And so I’m hearing, find people that are already in your orbit. It’s probably going to be people in the pool, identifying a few of those and making a decision, you have to be kind of deliberate about it. The texting, I’m glad you brought up texting because we’ve been talking about trips. I don’t want people to feel like you even said it. Everything doesn’t have to be such a huge, physical effort. Texting is, its own effort. Things should not stay in text, but it is a place to start.

One other thing I want to say about the vulnerability piece because it’s so important. There are ways to be vulnerable that aren’t too revealing. I’m going to give you one that I bet people don’t think of.

So I sometimes try to model this. It, that sounds weird because with my own friends. I will share good news about my kids or about me. unsolicited. I don’t wait for someone to say. Oh, how are the kids? very recent example. My daughter just got the lead in Hadestown.

We were very excited about that. I just went and told my friends on text, various friends. I was like, guess what? My daughter got the lead in Hadestown. They know her. I didn’t say my daughter, but I don’t like to use my kids names on here. Nobody’s even necessarily knew she auditioned. I was excited.

I had good news to share. That actually feels like a vulnerable thing to do because it number one can feel like bragging. number two, it could sort of, even with your closest friends, there could be this sort of thing like, okay, I didn’t ask.

it actually is vulnerable to want to share even good news. But I do it because I want people to do it back. They don’t always actually, I think sometimes I often feel like, okay, I’m always sharing good news. I want people to do it back. Tell me your good news. I want to hear what is going well.

[00:20:05] Rebekah: I love that. And I think people do often think of vulnerability as something, scary or something, maybe feel a little embarrassed about or ashamed, but it is vulnerable to put your, you’re just putting yourself out there. And so it is a type of vulnerability. With your jacuzzi friends, the sharing of the good news should feel so good because they are the people who are cheering for you.

It is a good reminder that not only should we share all the good news, but when you are cultivating that close group, it feels so good because, you know, they’re cheering in your corner

and that is the type of friend you’re looking for

[00:20:36] Nina: I would even push to share something like that with the next row down

some people in the pool, the people in the pool you’ve identified as these are people I want to get closer with. So part of how we get closer is treating them like they’re already

[00:20:50] Rebekah: Yes, they’re in the shallow end. They’re not in the deep end. They’re not at the diving board. they’re about to come out of the stairs and hop in the jacuzzi.

that is how you’re going to deepen and stretch that friendship. I think it’s another researcher, Lori Santos, talks about a beautiful mess.

And that sometimes we think, the house has to be perfect. And we have to just look so together, especially for people we might not have known for so long, but actually people respond when you’re a little bit messy, when things aren’t perfect and you get to their house because they feel like, oh, gosh, she really feels comfortable, like showing me that I didn’t get to the dishes and I still had to come over and that type of, you know, beautiful mess is another way to strengthen those cool friends and show another side of you because people appreciate that. I do.

[00:21:34] Nina: Yeah, absolutely. Asking for a favor. So these are all things that you can do, letter writer, with some of the people in the pool who you do want to feel a little bit closer with. I wouldn’t assume from the get go, oh, they don’t have time. I think that’s something she kind of implies us in the letter.

There are people she has identified that she wants to be closer with. She is assuming, I think, that they’re not interested. She may have evidence of that. It’s hard to know. Sometimes we see evidence of that if we’re looking for it, and it may not even be evidence of not wanting to be close. It may be evidence of other issues in their life. if it’s somebody that really seems like a potential friend so far we have thought of sharing good news, being your messy self Whether that means inviting them to do something and not having have to look or be perfect or perfectly planned. I would say asking for a favor. You know, my friend Debra who’s been on my show several times

She lives in town We got closer after she Asked me to bring her a treat at the coworking space. We were friends.

Obviously we were in the pool. We were friends. We were every time we saw each other at the coworking spot, we were very friendly. We would have to sit separately so that we wouldn’t talk, but we’d never seen each other outside of modern well, which is where we were both working.

And one day she texted me and was like, okay, this might be a little forward, are you coming to modern well today? And can you bring me something chocolatey? I feel like that broke the ice a little bit.

[00:22:53] Rebekah: And how good did you feel? It was like, yes, let me look. Do I have Kit Kats? Do I have

[00:22:57] Nina: Yes. Like I would have stopped and gotten something like that’s how much I was like excited to have a reason to also.

further the friendship and it’s such a little thing, but we’re in our forties. We’re talking about a little thing and yet asking anyone to do anything for you. I, it’s sad that it feels this way. It does feel like a big ask to ask anyone to go out of their way to do anything these days. This was the smallest thing and it still felt Like she probably had to be like way.

Well, is it weird if I asked Nina? I’m glad

[00:23:23] Rebekah: Right. And I will ask people for favors. I think I actually do do that. And I return it. So it’s not tip for tat, not for a ledger. But I think when you’re someone who also is, of course, let me, bring you that thing. Can you help me pick up or I’m, I’m running late, it’s something that you’re exactly right. It makes people feel good. And then it gives you a chance to get help, which is A wonderful thing. People should absolutely not be afraid to ask for help and accept the help,

[00:23:50] Nina: So I think those are three concrete things Being vulnerable as in being your happy self to sharing the good news, asking for favors, being the beautiful mess like not trying to be like two together too. Perfect

[00:24:02] Rebekah: And increasing the frequency you have to see them. That is, uh, you have to see them more in some capacity.

[00:24:10] Nina: And something I talk about a lot, which is related to increasing the frequency is changing the venue.

I think it’s its own art, because if you’re just a texting friend, changing the venue would be seeing the person in person or talking on the phone. But if you’re someone who Debra is a good example of, we did see each other in person. We were in the same coworking space.

Our texts sort of picked up after I brought her that treat. in that case, because we often were in the coworking space together, texting is what made us feel closer, but if you only stay on texting and never see each other in person, you know, it goes, but you just

[00:24:41] Rebekah: Right? You have to change it. And some of it is literally physically 1 time we did a trapeze class in D. C. I mean, so just finding things that are novel. People love novelty. it’s fun and doing things that kind of push you out of your comfort zone makes you feel closer.

[00:24:56] Nina: yeah, and to do it together if it’s

[00:24:58] Rebekah: And to do it together.

We all

[00:24:59] Nina: out of, right, if it’s vulnerable for everyone, if no one’s ever done a trapeze class, that’s why I

[00:25:04] Rebekah: Yes. None of us were in the circus. So it was,

[00:25:07] Nina: yeah,

[00:25:08] Rebekah: was new.

[00:25:09] Nina: I really, , encourage people when they are want to join an activity, like why, yeah.

It’s helpful if everyone’s a beginner. if you want to learn to play Mahjong, for example, don’t join an already existing group. Find people who don’t know how to play, even if you don’t know them that well. and learn together. You’re all beginners. None of you knows what to do.

[00:25:25] Rebekah: And I’m thinking of the last episode you did with SC Perot, who found this whole group of friends from Harry Styles. So that is just even another way to cultivate, deep friendship with something that you love to do. Something that’s sparkly and fun and joyful or really unique and Niche, you know, don’t be afraid to find, they might not be your jacuzzi friends, by the way, they still might just be people, you know, That might be

the pool, but it’s just maybe not, we don’t know.

[00:25:51] Nina: No jacuzzi friend ever started immediately as a jacuzzi friend, I don’t think. One thing that came up in the episode with S. C. Perot, who wrote Styles of Joy, that was such a fun episode. We have so many, I have so many things to link in the show notes. Was the idea that is very obvious, but just needs to be said is that every friend starts as a stranger.

And I would say every jacuzzi friend probably started as first a stranger then the pool and and so on. It’s if you’re looking for that three to five I hope we gave you some ideas too many fish in the sea,

[00:26:21] Rebekah: Yeah. Let us know right back to us. Give us.

a follow up.

[00:26:25] Nina: That’s right. Just know that Rebekah will be cc’d.

So everyone, listeners, I really hope that you enjoyed getting to hear some behind the scenes podcast action. oh, one really important thing about Rebekah, she’s not very techie. So I might have the only assistant producer on earth who has no social media, by the way. I mean, she can look things up.

She’ll do research on social media, but she does not have accounts. not Facebook, not Instagram, nothing, right?

[00:26:51] Rebekah: nothing.

[00:26:51] Nina: Oh my goodness. but it works. . She’s so well read and she’s got her finger on the pulse anyway, which is its own thing. We should really do that for a different episode.

[00:26:59] Rebekah: Well, and Nina helped me with the tech support on here and did not give up on me. So that was, that was a good friendship move because I was ready to just stop recording and say, you know, do it solo. I can’t pair these iPads , and Nina said, YouTube, get it done. So, very thoughtful,

[00:27:15] Nina: I said, yes, you can. Let’s look it up. Yeah, I know you can do it

All right, actually Rebekah, maybe you should sign this off since you know these episodes so well What would I say to say goodbye to everybody?

[00:27:25] Rebekah: .

Our friendships are going well, we’re happier all around.

[00:27:28] Nina: Yay. All right. Bye everyone

[00:27:30] Rebekah: Bye.