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Nina: There’s some wisdom there in holding a little more in than maybe we naturally would. You can always add to a conversation. You can never take away what you’ve already said. Anything that has been said, texted, written in any way is there forever in someone’s mind. You don’t have the chance to erase it.

Welcome to Dear Nina, conversations about friendship. I am here with my beloved assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs. Rebekah, you could say hi right away.

Rebekah: Hi everyone.

Nina: We’re doing a letter spotlight episode. Rebekah’s been in a number of other episodes . The most recent was our total breakdown analysis of season three of White Lotus. That’s been a really popular episode. People keep finding it because we talk a lot about triangles and whether they’re good or bad. And Rebekah and I don’t take the point of view that they’re always bad, which is I guess sort of a,

Rebekah: a hot take.

Nina: It’s a hot take.

Even, even though in that show they’re not great. But we are doing [00:01:00] a letter spotlight episode this time, which we’ve also done in the past. There is a form on my website where you can write an anonymous letter. It is truly anonymous. You don’t need to put your email address. Some places say it’s anonymous, but you still have to put an email address.

Therefore, it’s not really anonymous. This one is you can send stuff to us with no email address or name. They will either be used in the episodes or in my newsletter@dearnina.substack.com . This was such a good letter on a topic that is so nuanced, so subtle, it’s not obvious.

We are talking about discretion today. Before we even read the letter, Rebekah, how would you define discretion do you think?

Rebekah: I would think discretion is almost like a safeguard. If I’m using my best version of discretion, I’m taking a minute to discern the situation. How would you describe it?

Nina: I just know that it’s different from a secret or gossip. ‘ that isn’t really what we’re talking about here. If you say to a friend explicitly, don’t say something, and then they do. That’s a [00:02:00] whole different issue. The letter we’re gonna hear about is more in a gray area.

Before we get to the letter, I just have to remind listeners that when they hear this episode, if they’re hearing it on time, I do know some people, someone just wrote me yesterday that they are starting from episode one, so they won’t hear this one for a long time.

But for those of you who are, keeping up on the episodes. You will be hearing Rebekah again because she is my conversation partner for the live event we’re doing in my hometown and her hometown on the North Shore. Do you think of Highland Park? No. You don’t think of Highland Park as your,

Rebekah: I think of Northbrook, but I would say the Northshore

Nina: the Yes.

Rebekah: both of.

Nina: Close enough. And we are going to be in conversation together about friend groups on July 31st, we will also be answering some letters about friend groups. This time this letter is about discretion and all the issues that come up with that within a friendship. The title of our discussion and will also be the live podcast episode that comes out of it. So even if you can’t come, you will hear Rebekah again in about a month on the podcast [00:03:00] when we answer questions about friend groups.

And the title of our event is From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table Friend Group, challenges from Teens to Midlife and Beyond. And if you would like to hear your. Question letter answered. Then that will be in the show notes where you can again do it anonymously. It’s really the same form as it is for all the episodes and the newsletter.

Alright, Rebekah, do you think we’re ready for the letter?

Rebekah: I think we’re ready and I hope you all write in. We’re so excited. If you have your friendship challenges or questions, send them our way.

Nina: so I’m just gonna read the letter then we’ll discuss it. All right, dear Nina, long time listener here. I’m registering a low level friendship complaint, nothing too major. We don’t need to call the HR Friendship Bureau. But it’s starting to bug me, so I thought I’d reach out. I have a close friend who I’ve known for over 15 years, and we really know each other well. I truly adore her, but it’s like she doesn’t know what is off limits and what’s not. Honestly, she wouldn’t share a big secret of mine. She would know better, but she does sometimes share information i’d [00:04:00] rather keep private or between us. it’s hard to put my feelings into words. I’d probably call it a low level annoyance, but it’s like she doesn’t know when to keep information private unless I explicitly tell her, don’t tell anyone.

And our letter writer put that in all caps. Plus, I think we are inundated with mixed friendship messages. Be vulnerable, be authentic, share your truth, et cetera. I’m gonna pause to say that is so true and so fair.

because I’ve said all those things. I do want to be my authentic self and I do want to share personal info with friends, but sometimes I want her to intuitively know when to speak, what to share, and with whom. Is discretion too big of an ask? Thanks, anonymous

Rebekah: that. Wow. There’s a lot there

Nina: what’s your first reaction?

Rebekah: Well, I think the first reaction was that distinguishing between the gossip, the juicy secret telling, she kind of knows that’s egregious and that’s not what she’s complaining about. And she even said it, it’s just a low level hum or [00:05:00] annoyance. it’s not a friendship ending, but it’s annoying enough where it’s giving her pause or it’s making her upset or disappointed or surprised.

Like it’s hard to exactly know the feelings, but it seems, unless she absolutely makes it clear, then her friend is just sharing stuff. I don’t know exactly the type of stuff she’s sharing or not, and probably people have different thresholds for what’s, okay, so it is tricky.

Nina: I like that word threshold because yes, there isn’t a black and white answer to this because what one person wouldn’t care.

We did an episode about college admissions. It’s a great example for this, with your friend Kate Proger. Part of what we talked about is how some people share where their kids are applying and some don’t.

It’s not a right or wrong, it’s just for some people that’s extremely private information and for some people it’s no big deal. It’s like everyone’s applying to the same 10 schools in this town, so who cares? I just thinking about other people’s point of view, you just have to know your threshold, what you want shared.

But I guess where this gets really tricky is. There’s what you share, but then you can’t really control what [00:06:00] your friend shares. So

that’s where it gets really hard. Did she say in here that the friend is a good friend otherwise, or am I just assuming so?

Rebekah: I think she said I truly love her. Um, although I, do find, and I don’t know, maybe this is, the people I know they do when they say something, um, a little bit, oh, maybe where they are talking about someone. Often my friends or other people I know will say, but I really love her.

I like, I really like, it’s almost like we, if we said the thing that was maybe a little negative, we add that. but it does sound like other than I’m assuming she’s a good friend otherwise. This, it, it’s annoying her. Like, it, it’s just a little ping. It’s

Nina: I’m assuming she’s a good friend because otherwise why bother writing the letter? because if she’s not a great friend and she shares all your information, even just the little things that aren’t worthy of sharing, really, then what are we even talking about?

So I think we can just, because you would just space herself from this friendship. So I think the real conundrum is this person is a good friend, but this one little thing is an issue and, the letter writer, anonymous, we’ll just call her and I’m assuming her for [00:07:00] ease of discussion. Anonymous does trust her with the big things, but there is a low level lack of trust, like where you feel like everything I say might be fair game.

Rebekah: and maybe it’s coming around, I can see this in two different versions. One, the person’s next to her and she shares something in front of her that’s scenario one , you’re kind of looking like.

I I didn’t want you to share that. So I think sometimes people don’t use discretion and actually share in front of you information you have shared. And then there’s a scenario B where it’s more gossipy or, and didn’t use their discretion and it, gets back to you. So I can see sometimes I’ve seen friends, or I have not used discretion literally in front of the person.

Because you didn’t think it was a big deal for whatever reason. And then there’s a scenario where you talked about someone and it kind of returns to you or you’ve heard them talk about maybe someone else and that makes you consider, oh, they must not really use a lot of discretion with me. I dunno if we want to take each scenario, but they’re a little bit different what do you think,

Nina: Well, this is a good time to talk about [00:08:00] the difference between the issue of discretion and gossip, because I also have an example of where I made a mistake. It was definitely a discretion issue, not a gossip issue. And I think this would be a good way to illustrate it. And it’s helpful because I’m talking about an error I made and I’m almost glad I did. because it ended up being not a big deal and the person did not care at all. However, it was one of those good, as Bryan says, a tap on the shoulder instead of a smack in the face. It’s, so sometimes that’s lucky to have those moments so that you avoid the smack in the face.

So friend a, Is already a parent at a private school in town and friend B, had a kid coming the next year. They had been in discussion about friend B’s kid coming, friend A was helpful, maybe was part of the tour.

I don’t even know. It’s not like it was a secret. I assumed once it was established that friend B would be, kid would be going, I just thought it was not a secret and it wasn’t really a secret. It’s just that friend a hadn’t had a chance to tell friend B yet. I kind of, like you were saying, in front of the person, it wasn’t behind anyone’s back. The three of us were in a text about something completely unrelated, and I on the text was like, you guys must be [00:09:00] so excited about being at school together next year. friend a who was the original friend at the school was like, oh, I didn’t know so and so was for sure going, so I had inadvertently budged the telling. I hadn’t given friend A, a chance to tell friend B. This is where it’s different from gossip. Had I

done it maliciously, like, no, not at all. I actually completely thought everyone knew. I didn’t think I was sharing something, but it was a good reminder. Again, the tap on the shoulder instead of the smack in the face, just settle down with the sharing of anybody else’s information because I was lucky that it was not a big deal, but easily you can be very loose with someone’s information like that and it could be a big deal.

Someone could have been, like that was my news to share, not yours. I’m, I was lucky that friend A really was just, hadn’t gotten around to telling friend B yet, but, and would have. But what if she hadn’t wanted to say, what if her kid hadn’t wanted to say, what if they were still deciding between two or three schools and I didn’t know. This isn’t end of world stuff, but be careful.

Rebekah: And you know, I think to be gossip, that person would have to [00:10:00] not be there. When you think about gossip, I think it’s information and the third person is absent, That’s a little bit different than what we’re talking about where you can be talking about the person literally in front of them, and you either get just a little ping like you said, a little ding on the shoulder, that wasn’t your information to share, even if it came with such good intent.

I mean, you were excited, you thought you knew that you’d probably all been talking about it. So it wasn’t mal intent. but I like the word budge. You kind of budged the text line.

Nina: I want to be very clear here before we get into, uh, some things my mom had to say about this letter that I am, by no means perfect. I’m sure you are not in terms of either of these topics, discretion, or gossip. I’m not saying I never said anything.

And then there’s a whole nother topic which we’re not even gonna really get into here between venting and gossip. because not all quote unquote, gossip is bad or negative. It has its uses. There’s whole books written about this I don’t even want to get into that because this is different.

We’re talking about the art of knowing what to say [00:11:00] about other people’s information and probably should say even less than you think is what I am feeling as I get older.

Rebekah: I want to hear what your mom said because that’s where I think she probably was going with it, because I, I know we all do get a little excited when we hear information about someone, like, I’m not gonna, you know, I know there’s a little ting come connect and, and, and tell me. And so how do we

Nina: And even when it’s good news, that’s okay. So,

Rebekah: Well, in your scenario it was good news, you know? I mean, it wasn’t bad news. It was, excitement.

Nina: It’s hard sometimes to differentiate, what’s public and what’s not public yet, and that’s why again, it’s probably just best to be careful. the letter writer said something very astute here, which is true, and it’s why it’s an issue worth discussing. We do want to be authentic and vulnerable and open and ask questions like I’ve done a whole episode answering a letter. I think it was a letter one about the friend who never asks about you cause question asking does relate to this because when you ask questions, you get information and then, [00:12:00] okay, what do you do with that information?

So, uh, moving on to my mom, she’s really the queen of discretion. She’s both the queen of knowing what to say and what to answer and not to answer. And we did an episode way back in the early days, episode eight was called, when friends ask questions you don’t want to answer. Again, slightly different topic, but speaks to the discretion that comes outta your mouth as an answer. And then I did a little mini episode right after that. To sort of talk about the flip side of it, which is there is a positive spin on friends asking questions because how annoying would it be to spend time with someone who never asks about you, but there’s asking about you and there’s asking about other people, and I guess that’s where some of the discretion comes in. Okay. So one thing my mom said, I, Gave our sense of this scenario. We have a good friend. But she’s a little loose with the information, even when it’s positive information.

So my mom said, number one, how to handle that is only talk about yourself. Do not share other people’s news. Meaning you only share news that you are completely comfortable [00:13:00] that this person shares with other people. Not because they’d be gossiping just because they might just share it in a loose way. And then I said to my mom, and I wonder what you think of this?

I said, mom, but then everything’s so surface. if you feel like you have to be so careful with this person, it feels like so surface and you can’t really get, deeper.

And she said, and I quote, not every friend is a close friend.

Rebekah: Oh wow.

Nina: And I was like, that’s so obvious. And I was like, I guess that’s true. That’s what I’m saying to anonymous here is maybe this friend is in a different kind of category. Fun friend, good friend in many ways, but this isn’t the friend. Maybe you’re sharing all your stuff

Rebekah: Maybe this is the don’t share everything. Friend. Friend.

Nina: Yes.

Rebekah: I mean, because she said in the letter, I tell her not to say anything. And I think we can all remember scenarios where you say explicitly do not share this information. And I would give that you get, I’ll give it 50% I, this is not a, you know, an actual scientific study that I’m just saying.

I probably think 50% of the time when you say don’t tell anyone, maybe half don’t, and maybe I half might [00:14:00] share with a spouse or, or another friend, and not even again, maliciously. It could be good, it could be bad, But I think that even saying don’t share, it’s not necessarily the safeguard that we hope it is.

It can be. And I hope that if someone really said, to me, please don’t share, I really would take that not flippantly, that I would really take that as, please don’t share this with even another close friend. You know, that this is not yours to share. But we do give that warning. But I do think even with that this still might not be the friend, even though you explicitly or didn’t explicitly say, you have to kind of know your audience. You have to know your friends strengths and weaknesses, and that might not be the share tell everything friend.

Nina: my mom said good just like, it was so obvious yeah, not all friends are close. Not like I don’t know that, but hearing my mom say that, I was like, yeah, that’s true.

I’ve spent 10 years talking about that. For some reason though, it’s not always my obvious answer.

Rebekah: So it reminds me in episode 1 36, your three to five closest friends, which [00:15:00] was another anonymous letter we received where a woman felt she didn’t have close friends. And our advice was start sharing a little bit of your good news because when you don’t share, people don’t feel like they know you.

that’s just an easy way to become closer. It’s hard to be close with people when you don’t share your vulnerability, there are times when you don’t want people to share their news and it’s also, I’ll say, hard to be a mind reader.

Nina: Right. It’s a little trial and error. I do think it’s better to err on the side of being honest and vulnerable. I did a whole solo episode recently just on sharing good news and why you should do that. It wasn’t a challenge. It could have been a friendship challenge actually. Anyway, it was, yeah, that something good happens to you, tell people, and you may have to do this trial and error period where you don’t know until someone lets you down. to my mom’s point, just make sure it’s your news that you’re sharing it first. If you don’t know someone that well, or if you really do know someone now and you know they’re gonna share it, then let it be your news. Let it be news that you don’t mind being sung from the [00:16:00] rooftops.

Rebekah: what about discretion when you’re trying not to hurt someone’s feelings? is that a totally different topic?

Nina: tell me more like, what are you thinking?

Rebekah: an example might be where you went out to dinner and you didn’t want to make another friend feel bad, and she asked where you’re going. It’s not about not wanting something revealed that you’re using discretion to not make someone feel hurt. And is that different?

Nina: a great No, it’s in the same bucket. And is also. I mean, you have to have a lot of emotional intelligence to deal with these things sometimes,

Rebekah: Right.

Nina: I think that’s a really good example. Would I want to know, I mean, this has happened in real life, that friends went on a trip without me, or would I rather not know? I would rather not know. I would like to think that at this point in my life, especially having been someone who’s talked about friendship for 10 years, including many times helped people see that if you don’t want to do everything with 20 people or even 10 people or even eight people, you have to allow your friends to do things in smaller groups.

And I believe that still when you’re [00:17:00] on the receiving end of realizing you’re the person who didn’t get invited on the three person trip, it stings for a second and then hopefully you can rise above and move on and realize that by them not telling you they were exercising some discretion, they were realizing that by not sharing it, They were trying to spare your feelings. I’ve had a situation where, that’s happened and then someone else told me about it, and it’s sort of like, that I think was a of discretion.

Rebekah: Did that feel worse because?

Nina: well, at first I felt bad all around, like about the trip, about the person who told me about the whole thing an out of town friend of mine, actually a friend you and I share who’s been on this podcast, uh, shout out to Rebekah Kotak, who’s one of my best friends from college. And we are still so close. And she’s been on the podcast. I called Rebekah Kotak and I was like, I’m not sure what to make of this whole thing. she was like, Nina, those friends did a beautiful thing by actually trying to spare your feelings. and I think she was right. I think I needed that reminder from my own friend to remind me they were just doing their own thing that had nothing to do with me.

They have plenty of other friends too. Each of them has [00:18:00] lots of other close friends. and again, unless you want 20 people on every trip, this is how it goes. This is how it goes in life. So there was a lot of discretion, the lack of discretion. There was somebody else deciding to tell me.

Rebekah: , this actually came up when we had discussed our white Lotus episode. If the two friends should have actually told, when Vlad left the superstar bedroom. I and I think you said, I might not have told her, and I was like, oh, I think I would’ve really wanted to know. I think I’m the friend who would rather not hear about it later. I’d rather hear about it and accept you’re going on a trip without me.

Nina: in my situation, you would’ve been grateful that someone told you.

Rebekah: I think so.

Nina: Is so hard.

Rebekah: I think I would have felt worse finding out than being told. And I think I would hope then I was gracious. And I do also believe you can’t go on a trip with everyone. Sometimes you want to go with two, sometimes you want to go with a trio. It can’t always be 20. I do believe that too. So I would hope that even if I found out three close friends were going, that it [00:19:00] wasn’t a slight on me. But I think by not hearing the info, it almost feels that murky line of they hid it from you not to hurt you, which people do. But you also then don’t have to reveal every single thing about your grownup life, and it happens with kids too, with plans sometimes I think a friend won’t tell a friend because they’re actually trying not to hurt them. it’s like our, our upcoming, you know, talk, it’s like from the cafeteria table to the, to life to beyond, to even your mom giving us advice. Discretion is it’s lifelong

Nina: So one thing I think we need to consider that is beyond the scope of this letter, but it’s related and I just feel like listeners might be thinking it. We’re not gonna solve it here is that when someone repeats information, sometimes there’s a reason. Sometimes it’s carelessness, which I think in this letter is probably what’s going on.

And I think it’s what’s going on in probably 80%. Again, not a scientific study that when someone just loosely like I did with the school thing, oh, you guys must be so excited. That was carelessness. but there may be times when it [00:20:00] is intentional and then I think you do have to question what’s going on? Why did the person repeat that? Was it careless or was it they were trying to make sure you knew they knew the information before you did

Rebekah: Or like if there’s something you drop in a text chain or something that you say that has a different ping and it is hard to put into words, but that it feels like, Ooh, did you say that to hurt my feeling? Almost like the opposite version like the gracious Rebekah saying maybe they really truly don’t want to hurt your feelings.

There could be a reverse. Where someone told you, told almost to hurt your feelings. And, and that is also obviously a lack of discretion, but it comes with a different energy. We can think of a friend maybe in, at some point in our lives who maybe dropped that little bomb and there was a reverberation.

Nina: like a lack of discretion with a dagger. It’s like an, yeah, with a dagger

Rebekah: dagger discretion.

Nina: because that’s like a purposeful lack of discretion that’s different than gossip. Again, [00:21:00] Purposeful. Like, oh golly gee, I didn’t mean to say that, it might even be subconscious to the person.

They just wanted to make sure, you know, you’re not so close with these people. You think they’re so close to you. Oh, but look, they all got together without you. Maybe you’re not so close as you thought. kind of trying to take you down a peg maybe. It’s just something to look out for when your friend lacks discretion and just make sure that if it’s truly innocent, to give them a break.

We talk a lot in this podcast about giving people the break that we would hope to get. the times that I’ve definitely done it on accident, I’m grateful that, nobody’s ended a friendship that I know of over it.

Rebekah: Maybe for the letter writer, to investigate a little into this friendship. because we did assume it’s kind of a careless, she’s always kind of sharing the info. I didn’t want, or she’s saying stuff in front of me, you know, that I didn’t want her to share or she told another friend. But I would say if it has more of that dagger energy or, it has a almost like a little pebble and you can kind of see the ripples in your, friend group or your work or whatever that ripple is, then you have to think about, is [00:22:00] this really a close friend? Do I truly love her love her, So I would investigate a little into kind of oblivious friend who can’t read the room, who’s just, doesn’t really mean it maliciously, and maybe you have a conversation about it versus the friend where there’s just a little bit of a, maybe feels more like the smack than the little

Nina: Yes. Right. That’s

Rebekah: on the shoulder.

Nina: Bryan will love that. We quoted him so much.

Rebekah: Bryan and your mom.

Nina: And my mom said also another great quote from our phone call today. She said, and I quote, some people just don’t have a sense of discretion or boundaries. it’s not like they’re trying to hurt you. they’re not bad people. It’s they, for whatever reason, are lacking that sense that for some people’s intuitive and some people’s learned and practiced later, I think I fall somewhere in the middle.

I think because I’m such an open book, even having been raised by my mother somehow, I’m miraculously a very open book. I had to learn over time how to withhold information. Again, I would never repeat something that someone said [00:23:00] was a secret, but I’ve developed and I’m proud of it, but I still make mistakes like with that private school one, but I’m sensitive to them.

So something like that happens, even though neither person really cared at all. It was a reminder to me like, oh, this is still something I need to work on, like a muscle I still need to keep strong to make sure that I’m careful with information.

I want to be known as somebody who you can trust in every way that you can trust that I’m not acting like your information is my information to share. Because I guess I don’t want people sharing information about me that I didn’t. it’s happened to me a lot. When we got this letter, I told you on the phone, this is for the listeners to know, three times in one week I had realized that something I had shared cute stuff, like a cute story about my kids, something like that, had been sort of shared beyond me having the chance to share it. And then there was one other thing that I heard about, uh, that was a discretion story. It’s just all of a sudden coming at me, people are just being a little too loose. Little too loose with the information

Rebekah: and I think it is like a tricky line. And if we just even pause the next time, [00:24:00] maybe we hear something, even it just a second pause will help us discern. Is this something I should share? Is this something I need to keep to myself? Is this my news to share? and it, maybe it is, maybe it’s not.

And we don’t again want any tiptoeing, any eggs, Shelly, that’s not great friendship. But just for me, always pausing is the answer. I don’t have a tattoo, but if I did that would be the word. I would just have the word pause just to give that second to recalibrate You know, get a sense of the room.

And I think there are certain people who just have a better sense of reading the room. They can just get, oh, this person’s uncomfortable, this person’s excited, this person’s having, this person won’t care at all. She’s an open book and she’s hysterical about it. You know, whatever. I think there are some, and sometimes we get frustrated if you feel like you have that skill. Maybe the letter reader is someone who really kind of values reading the room and getting a sense of which friend needs what. And like she doesn’t get it. And, I think there’s a little bit of a frustration of her friend’s lack of social facility or a social [00:25:00] awareness that’s coming so easily maybe to her.

Nina: That’s so well said, Rebekah. We all have different skills. We gotta appreciate our friends for the skills they have, and if this is a skill your friend doesn’t have, just the final note, My mom’s answer is, I agree with, then you just have to be careful with what you share. So I agree. It’s not like a breakup situation. If this friend is 15 years, that’s a long friendship. if they’ve been a good friend, for the most part, what you’re gonna have to do is realize this is not the friend you’re gonna share all the things with.

You’re gonna be really careful about sharing other people’s information with this friend. Even innocuous stuff that if it were to get repeated, somebody else might be upset with you that you had shared something that wasn’t your news to share. So be careful what you share. Don’t break up the friendship and a note for everyone else, the rest of us practice.

It’s like a practice being vulnerable, authentic, open, but also know the difference between what’s yours to share and what’s not. And I love your reminder to pause and mine would be, my fake tattoo that I don’t have would be very similar. And it would be take a breath. take a breath, which is [00:26:00] similar to a pause.

Same thing. and let me just end with one final thing that I have tried so hard to learn from in Jewish law, which is the laws of speech. It’s called the Lashon Hara and it’s laws about positive and negative speech. So, you know, we talked about gossip, and of course there’s rules about saying mean things about people and repeating things in order to be malicious and cause harm to people. But there are actually laws around positive speech too, which I really think falls into this discretion thing.

sharing someone’s positive news that wasn’t yours to share or just saying something really offhand like, oh, I just ran into so-and-so at so-and-so’s house. news, you know, I mean, this is so strict. it’s hard to live like this literal and exact, but the rules are so strict that you’re really not supposed to mention anybody really about anything positive or negative because you really don’t know how you’re gonna make the other person feel. But you were saying earlier, Rebekah, and I respect this point of view, that you would rather know and not feel like you’re in the dark all the time and always stumbling upon things.

And nowadays with social media, that’s a [00:27:00] little complex and Snap maps and everybody knows where everybody is. None of that was in existence when these laws of speech came to be, but there’s some wisdom there in holding a little more in than maybe we naturally would. You can always add to a conversation.

You can never take away what you’ve already said. Anything that has been said, texted, written in any way is there forever in someone’s mind you don’t have the chance to erase it.

Rebekah: Literally anything now can be screenshot and sent. So they were, they were wise in the, in the ancient wisdom, even before this of just, so pause, take a breath and consider, I guess that’s another word, or like discern, because you want to encourage the closeness and you want to also discern, is it mine to share?

Nina: That’s great. All right everybody, I hope you will write us more letters, not only for the event about friend groups, but for the future. For future Letter Spotlight episodes, we try to do one. I feel like it’s about every eight weeks we’ve been doing

one. Now our next one will be about four weeks from now because we will put [00:28:00] it up after the live event.

We are getting close to well over half of the tickets sold, everybody come back next week when our friendships are going well.

We are happier all around and come back in a month to hear Rebekah on the podcast again.

Rebekah: Thank you.

Nina: Bye.