Nina: Welcome to Dear Nina, conversations about friendship. I am your host, Nina Bason. I’ve been writing about friendship for over 10 years, podcasting about it for almost five years. I love to delve into the minutia of friendship, the parts that some people, might go, why are you doing a whole episode about that?

almost every time that happens when it’s something that seems really small, not the big things like friendship breakups, although I do that too. I have plenty of episodes about that. Plenty of episodes about the big stuff like grief, making new friends in a new city, and friend groups, and when your kids stop being friends.

I’ve done it all. I’ve really done almost everything you can think of. This is episode 186, so trust me, if you’ve thought about it within friendship, I have probably done it. However, today’s episode is one I had not really considered as an episode until Real Simple Magazine asked me to be one of the four experts that [00:01:00] answered some friendship advice questions in their February March issue.

I was so excited to be listed with three other pretty major thought leaders. I may say. I mean, they’re probably looking at mine being like, who’s this person? Anywho, I was honored to be there. I’ll have, a picture of that in the show notes. ’cause it’s not online as of now.

I don’t know if they’ll put it online, but it’s an actual print. I had to go to the store, to the magazine section. And when’s the last time anyone’s done that? I wanna give you the gist of what Real Simple Magazine asked me to answer, though I do give you the full question and my full answer later in the episode. It was along the lines of my friend copies, everything I do, my clothes, my bags, even asks for links while we’re on vacation together.

I know imitation is supposed to be flattery, but honestly it’s starting to feel annoying and a little creepy. What do I do? I liked this question because it gets at something that, like I was saying earlier and I interrupted myself, feels really. Maybe petty or surface when you first think about it, but I like this sort of [00:02:00] question where there’s no right answer.

First of all, everybody feels differently about that topic. Some people are thrilled to give away everything they’ve ever researched, whether it’s a vacation information or financial information. Like here’s who you should invest with, or something as simple as, this is where I got this pair of pants and here’s where you can get them.

And some people value their individual style a lot more. Like let’s just keep it in the clothes and maybe even home decor arena for a moment. If you did something particular to your porch, like let’s say you just redid your porch and you got this couch and this table and this paint color or this wallpaper, and then your friend’s like, oh, I love this.

I really want my a porch that looks kind of like this. You go to their house six months later and it looks exactly the same. Do you feel a little funny about that? Like, oh, okay, now we have twin rooms. In a world where there’s so many options, does that feel strange?

or is it like, okay, we don’t gatekeep, we’re friends. Friends, don’t gate keep, here’s where I got everything. Here’s what it costs. It’s different for each person. There is not a right answer. [00:03:00] My answer because I am not a fashionista at all. I mean at all. I’m just not good at that stuff. I don’t mean that I don’t like to look nice.

I do, but I am not good at it. I’m really basic. I mean, you can look through YouTube or Instagram on where I have all the clips of my podcast. I am basically wearing one of six different things, and this sweater I’ve worn a million times on a podcast. I’m not a very fashion forward person, which you’ll hear me say more in the episode.

My answer in the magazine, came at this question differently. Because she had said in the question that this is something that’s been bothering her for 15 years, and I found that I focused more on that. answer was more about why are you letting something fester for 15 years without saying something?

I wanted to further the question and the answer in an episode, and I realized I needed somebody with me who is more fashion forward, who is more fashion conscious, who even does it as part of their business, Someone who has a really individual style, [00:04:00] both in her home and on her.

she’s just really cool and has a unique eye. I thought it’d be interesting to, round out this idea with a guest.

The idea being, when does copying feel like connection? When does it feel like your identity is being erased? Sometimes we say imitation as a form of flattery. Like what if it goes too far though? And what’s the line again? The line is different for everybody.

So while on the surface it may seem like this episode is about clothes and handbags, it actually is deeper than that. It’s about individuality appreciation. Whether your friends acknowledge what you bring to the table. If they’re just ordering everything that you’ve ever had and they don’t actually say to you, Hey, that looked great on you.

Can I have the link? They just do it on their own. would that feel weird? Would it feel better if they just at least say it?

Then finally we do also get to, what if you do some of this stuff for a living? What if you have a certain expertise and your friend wants your help with it, but they don’t offer to pay now. That really would be almost an entirely separate topic, to be honest.

We could do a whole episode on that. I have written about [00:05:00] that before. It’s one of my most popular advice column topics, I will dig that out. It was from years ago. It might’ve been from 2014 when I was first writing about this, or 2015, maybe it was the second year. It was a long time ago. It’s, it’s a good idea to bring that back up.

I’ll put it in the show notes. I’m gonna find that. Wow. Has this been a long preface or what I need to tell you about my guest? My guest is Candace Orman. She is a creative director, brand consultant, and. Gifting expert based in Washington DC she founded Secretly Fancy in 2009. It’s a lifestyle platform that blends fashion home and hosting with a really playful point of view.

So you could find her on social media on Instagram at Secretly Fancy, her website is secretly fancy.com. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, the Washington Post, New York magazine’s, the Cut, the Washingtonian. Yahoo Finance and lots more, she’s just fun and says it like it is.

We met on Instagram, I think through the podcast, her being a listener, I am just glad that I was able to [00:06:00] have a more fashionable point of view to help me with my answer

no more prefacing. let’s get down into this somewhat tricky topic. Hello Candace. Welcome to Dear Nina.

Candace: Thank you. So excited to be here.

Nina: So we are gonna start with a question that I answered for Real Simple Magazine, and I’m not gonna tell you my answer right away because I am so curious how you as someone with an actual fashion sense, a real knowledge of finding things like I really don’t, if I have an event to go to, my best friend Taran sends me links or I have other friends who helped me it was interesting that real simple asked me to answer this question and I’ll be so curious to get your point of view also.

Candace: Love It

Nina: So it said, I have a friend of almost 15 years. She copies everything I do, not just clothes and bags. I’m talking very large life investments as well. I understand. Everyone says this is a form of flattery, but it annoys me.

We will be on a trip together and she starts ordering all of my outfits, purses, et cetera, even asking me for the [00:07:00] links. It’s hard to be friendly or nice when it’s kind of annoying and creepy and it ruins a lot of our good times. Sometimes I create distance between us to think it over and let myself cool down, and sometimes I feel bad and petty for even caring.

How can I navigate our friendship moving forward without all of these awkward feelings and encounters? I’m gonna take out the life investments part of this, because that’s sort of beyond our scope that would maybe be more if we were talking about money and friendship and helping friends, get ahead and I’ve done episodes on that, so we’re gonna throw that part out and just stick to the, clothes, the bags.

You’re on a trip together and all of a sudden it’s where’d you get this? How much did this cost? What does it bring up for you as someone who is in an industry where people are looking to you as someone who could give them advice about what to buy, what to wear, but also someone who has a lot of original style and it’s

that can be a confusing line sometimes, which is a lot to answer. So we’ll start with first, what would you advise her? Your friend wants to know all your stuff, but it’s maybe a little extra. It’s a little more than [00:08:00] normal.

Candace: I will say, when you were reading that, my first visceral reaction was kind of a feeling of empathy for the woman posing the question to real simple, because it’s clear that this is a close friend. They’re vacationing together. We only vacation with our closest, circle of girlfriends, and she clearly cares about the person.

So my first thought is What a bummer that this is kind of infringing on their friendship or negatively impacting their friendship in any way. So I’m gonna kind of take my own reference system out of it and say what advice I would give her and it doesn’t sound like she’s in the fashion industry, is, when we are in these very close friendships, I think that there is this natural phenomenon of women, not only bonding together in terms of shared life experiences.

But when you have a fondness for somebody, I think it is totally natural to look at them [00:09:00] and think, wow. you know, Nina looks beautiful in that top and maybe I would look beautiful in that top, so I too am gonna get that top oh, Nina wore those sneakers on our walk last week, and I don’t have a good pair of walking sneakers, so I’m gonna just get Nina’s walking sneakers.

it’s a totally natural phenomenon. I don’t think in this case it sounds like this person is trying to do anything negative towards her. I also understand that it can be a little annoying, jarring, surprising when someone just keeps showing up time after time with, your clothes, your shoes, whatever it may be.

So I would just say to this person, this is a natural part of female friendship when you do spend a lot of time together. Try and take it as a compliment. I respect taking space to think about it because it does kind of mess with your head ’cause you feel bad, feeling bad. But that all in all, I think it’s just something that [00:10:00] happens.

Nina: that is true and you brought up a lot of points I didn’t even bring up in my answer. I had a word count answer, which is interesting. I answer a lot of advice, questions, on my own, substack at Dear Nina. Do substack.com and of course I don’t have a word count ’cause I’m the editor, so I let myself cover it all. I’ve answered advice questions for the skim as well, and they also have a strict word count. So it’s interesting and kind of a fun experiment for me to have to do it in a short amount of time. I’m gonna read you what I wrote, and then we’re gonna address this whole issue from more of an insider, somebody who is more in the business.

I wrote, this is an example of an element of friendship where there’s no right or wrong. There’s simply what’s right for you. Like you said, some people would consider the request for links a compliment. Others would find it suffocating and a breach of their individualism.

You’re not petty for finding her consistent asks annoying, it sounds like a lot. However, 15 years is a long time to carry around resentment for something you could have communicated at any point along the way, it’s [00:11:00] not fair to blame your friend for her inability to read your mind. In the past, you’ve created distance to send her a message, but the message has never been received.

Now it’s time to spell out the issue. A longstanding friend deserves an honest conversation.

Next time she asks for the link for your outfit or bag, let her know. This bothers you. Stay focused on I statements, which is important ’cause it would not be a problem for everyone. You can say something like. I should have said this earlier in our friendship, but I wanna keep some of these fines to myself.

It’s important for me to feel original in my style. You’re entitled to feel this way. You have to take responsibility for it though. Give your friend the opportunity to stop asking. I bet you only have to respond this way once, and she will get the message loud and clear. Hard conversations. Uh, only get easier with practice.

You can do this. That was my, so I

kind of took it. Oh, good. I glad you liked it. I took it more as the topic could almost be anything, and I, took it away maybe from the links a little bit, although I did give a very specific script she could use and made it more about why are [00:12:00] you holding onto something for 15 years, like in fairness to your friend, you’ve never given her an opportunity to do it differently.

I.

Candace: Right. your answer is so fascinating to me for so many reasons, and I love that you brought up just like having the tough conversations with friends, which is a whole other topic that I’m sure you’ve really gone into a lot but that can be very challenging for not just, conflict averse people, but everyone, including myself by the way. so I love your answer because it addresses the fact that she should have a conversation. one part that made me giggle is when you said you are only gonna need to have the conversation once.

I guarantee you girl, I’m here to tell you once does not cut it for everyone.

Um, I don’t think I’ve ever had a true sit down, let’s specifically cover this, I have tried to insinuate hint with friends when it has rubbed me the wrong way. that it’s something like I [00:13:00] don’t love and it hasn’t always gone, gone away

Nina: Candace, this is a perfect segue to real life now. you are an extremely fashion and forward person. I can see that. being on your Instagram for two seconds, I can see that anyone who follows you regularly will know that . you have an eye for style whether it’s clothes or accessories and home So I am sure you are a go-to person for friends, but you are also in the business of helping people find the right thing. How do you manage this and all of us. It’s you specifically, but I want this to be helpful for all listeners, right? I want all listeners to be able to understand and if you’re the kind of person who’s always asking people where they got stuff, when is it too much?

There’s this idea like, we don’t gate keep friends, don’t gate keep true. But also is it the duty of a friend at some point to just not ask. Sometimes we shouldn’t ask how much something cost or where something came from. There’s all those issues.

Candace: Yes. So like you mentioned, I’m kind of in a unique [00:14:00] position because talk about not gatekeeping. I’ve spent a lot of my career, I started my blog secretly Fancy, and I had to do research for this episode. I was like, when did I start it? 2009. I’ve been doing this for a very long time. One of my passions in life is sharing. I love sharing. it’s a complicated issue for me personally, and I do think it does come up for other women as well. this is something that.

Literally happened two days ago, and I was like, perfect. I’m gonna talk about this on Dear Nina. She came to me and I was wearing this crossbody bag. I personally have never seen anybody with this bag in my community. I saw it on this random woman walking down the street in Aspen this summer.

I stopped her on the street. I love paying a compliment, which plays into this, because I think that’s part of the ick factor is not recognizing that you like something that somebody has and then just showing up in it. I stopped this woman. I said, where’d you get your bag?

She told me, and I was like, [00:15:00] okay, I’m gonna get it. I tracked it down in Washington. When this friend said to me, oh my gosh, I love your bag. I’ve been wanting a cross body bag My radar went up and I was like, you know, it would kind of be a bummer. I really do, like you mentioned, value, my individuality, my personal sense of style. If people just started showing up with this bag. So what I said was, this is one of my prize possessions. I love it so much.

I’ve never seen it in DC or even New York. . I feel like it’s so me, I felt like what I was communicating to her was I wanna be like a unique gal And this is something that I think is emblematic of my personal style.

Nina: How did it land?

Candace: She was like, okay, cool. I was looking at this other bag and, the conversation went on in the moment in my head, I was panicking a little bit, but once I said it I was like, wait. That sounds very reasonable.

Nina: I think it is reasonable. I like what you [00:16:00] started to talk about and let’s go there about the compliment part.

Candace: Yes. This is something as I was preparing for this episode and thinking probably too much at length about this. subject that I am very interested in. what about that phenomenon? Somebody emulating your style or what you’re wearing feels yucky if it’s a close friend.

For me, it’s different. If it’s somebody in my community in Instagram that’s been following me for years, that’s in Arkansas or New York, or even somebody in dc, somebody around that feels very different to me. If it is a close friend that I am hanging out with on the regular. And that person doesn’t say to me, Hey Candace, I love that sweater. It’s so cool how it’s like a cape and it’s also a sweater and I love the buttons. I don’t even think that friend needs to say, I’m going to get that sweater.

I just think if they even say that to me, I’m like, first of all, thank you. I always think, see something, say something, give your friends compliments. That’s something I believe strongly in. And then, you know what? If [00:17:00] that person shows up in this sweater, I’m like. Do your thing, girl. you loved it, you got it.

You look great. If I have a friend that I’m hanging out with, I wear said top and then the next week we kind of bump into each other maybe we’re not going to lunch together. She may not wear it to a lunch with me, but I see her. And she didn’t say anything. She didn’t say, I love that, or I like the color or the fabric looks cool or anything that just to me feels different. It feels like that friend maybe can’t recognize you and can’t verbalize something kind to you, which I think sounds like it may be in an envious jealousy category because they can’t verbalize that looks great on you. And some friends really can’t. They can’t do it. I don’t have those friends anymore, but I’ve had them.

Nina: You know, I can relate to this in a very unexpected way, which is, writer to writer, podcaster to podcaster. There’s a difference to me when somebody reaches out [00:18:00] directly and says, I see you had so and so and so and so on your podcast. can you share their contact information?

It was a really great episode. I think they’d fit on mine too. Something like that. podcasts are kind of friends I have versus I just note

that they, they have like all my guests. That happens sometimes where I’m like, whoa, that’s guest after guest. it’s all the same. I work so hard to curate my show and, and,

Candace: This is what you do. You’re amazing at it. Of

Nina: Thank you and I’m careful about it. It would feel totally different if they just said, that was a great episode, I think they’d be a good fit on mine. Here’s why. I would set it up. But when it’s without any conversation and if it’s just one guest, that’s different.

’cause by the way, the person who pitched me could also have pitched them too. But it, sometimes you can see it as a pattern and you’re like, wait a second. I respect people who can say no also. So on the flip side, a friend of mine. Was a guest on a pretty big podcast. And I was like, Ooh, I wonder if I could do that.

I asked her if she could make the introduction. And she very honestly was like, this was so above my pay grade. I don’t feel she and this [00:19:00] host have that relationship. wanna help you. I don’t feel I can do that. And I respected that too. And I’ve had to also give that answer to people.

That happens sometimes where you’re like, it was a miracle I even got on this thing or got this publication. You don’t wanna bother the editor. I’ve had that too with writing

where sometimes I can make that introduction and sometimes it was by the skin of my teeth that I got an article in this

place.

I, I can’t do that. you can’t use every connection and hopefully a good friend will be able to. Hear that

and be like, okay. , It’s hard to have these conversations. it’s important though.

Candace: It is very hard and something that that reminds me of is this phenomenon of, I’m sure you find solace in this too, and this is what comforts me when stuff like this happens because I really value individuality, especially when it comes to style and aesthetic I want to feel like I’m a unique being on this earth.

It makes me feel confident and grounded and motivated. I always think about the idea where it’s the saying same ingredients, different soup or [00:20:00] different taste. No matter how many things a friend purchases of mine they’re not me. that’s comforting to me.

Nina: where do we put in the concept of no into this whole puzzle? Because it could be true for what I’m saying, like helping other podcasters, which I do a lot by the way, and helping other writers or you know, more to this episode, you know, specifically with a certain look. Or not even just clothes.

’cause it’s true with, things you do in your house too, or that paint color that, you know, it could, it goes on and on. And sometimes it’s about fast forwarding the research. I’m a little like that so I can empathize, with the person who’s always asking for the link. ’cause I have no sense of color.

even nail polish. Like I, could go into a nail salon. someone can show me four different reds To me, they all look exactly the same. Or to someone like you, you would know that one’s a little blue. That one’s a little pink. That one’s a little orange. I have horrible handwriting. I just think my artistic sense is off. so I probably do ask more than I give in terms [00:21:00] of those kind of links.

Candace: That’s not your skillset, that’s not your wheelhouse. You’re a writer, you’re a podcast host, you’re a expert on female friendship. I have so many friends where fashion isn’t their thing. They either don’t care, they don’t feel like they have the time.

It’s just not a priority. I’m really not a gatekeeper. I honestly probably, maybe should be like a little more with certain things, but I can’t help myself even if this phenomenon winds up feeling yucky for me sometimes, my intrinsic personality is to share and help people, I will never stop because this happens to me.

It’s not like I adjust. My style or anything in my life because I just don’t have it in me. And by the way, I have holes in my skillset too. So interior design is a huge passion of mine. I love interior design and I’ve consulted for interior designers. I used to do floral arrangements for interior designers who are having homes [00:22:00] photographed for publications.

Um, and I’m really good with color and I’m really good with fabric. Horrible with spatial relations. I do not understand what should be going on in a room, if it should be a couch, if it should be a side table. I don’t know. Up from down. I’m asking friends, I’m asking interior designer friends, and I’m so grateful when they share that with me.

everyone has their strengths.

Nina: part of what we’re helping people with is the how to ask, if your friend has a skillset and it’s something that would help you, there’s a way to ask, and this goes into a, completely different topic, but related, which is when to pay your friends or not for their skillset.

So there’s this one piece of the topic, which is, when is imitation flattery? When is it over the top? And then just veering slightly over to what I just brought up of when are you taking advantage of a friend’s skillset that you actually should probably be paying for at that point,

Candace: that topic is so fascinating to me, for so many [00:23:00] reasons, and right now it’s for fashion, but I had a gifting company, um, years ago that I ran for, about five years. And it, came because I was being tapped constantly by so many friends. What do I get for my husband? It’s our 10 year anniversary.

Oh my gosh. My boss, it’s her birthday and I need a gift that’s not too personal, but is personal enough, my phone was blowing up constantly and I became basically an expert. And so I was like. I should start a company for this. And my, friend who was my co-founder was having the same experience. While I had that company, friends would still text me.

Nina: Yes. It’s very complicated.

Candace: It’s very complicated and be like, Hey, whatever it may be my boss is, getting married. What do I buy him? My, budget is, a hundred to $200 and I’m thinking I’m literally busy doing this for a living.

’cause I started a company for it. But I love helping and I love my friends, so that can be [00:24:00] complicated.

Nina: It is similar to sharing, in your case in particular, especially sharing the links of things you’ve bought just for yourself, which you probably took time to source, and some of it might have been for work, to share online and oh gosh,

But you can get taken advantage of. Now I’m thinking about, back to of the work line. for me the best thing is podcasting. It’s very complicated to set up a podcast. I, some people say it’s very easy. It, it is easy to start, but it’s not easy to do it well. People would ask, not friends of mine. So but people I might know through the writing world would ask or would be like, oh, I’m starting a podcast.

Can you hop on a Zoom? There’s no hopping on a zoom to tell you how to start a product. That’s hours and hours of time. I spent hours and hours and hours and hour. I couldn’t even count them all. Learning how to do this. To solve for this, I set up a page on my site that is basically offers to

I will do that. But then here’s what it costs though. And so sometimes when people put that, when they send me that and there’s a message, and again, these aren’t close friends, I have no close friends who wanna start a podcast, just people I know though. So if someone says to me, [00:25:00] can you hop on a Zoom? I now have something that I can say, oh, that’s something I do as a service. Here’s the link to it. And they may look at that, see what I charge, and be like, oh no, thanks. I, that’s not what I had him. And that’s fine. But at least I have an organized way to basically say, no, I’m not looking to do this as a business.

Really. Somebody looked at it and said, you’re charging a lot. And I’m like, well that’s ’cause I don’t actually wanna do it. I will do it for that, for that number, but I’m not looking to be a podcast assistant at of at all unless they wanna pay me X amount.

Sure. I’ll do that all day

Candace: Right. I feel similarly about personal styling. So personal styling is not a huge leg of my business. I do many things under my secretly fancy umbrella, but personal styling isn’t a huge part because it’s so time consuming. It’s very hard to like make a, a good income from it. it’s a time suck.

So what I do is I do personal styling for very few people who are willing to pay for my service and I. Feel like it’s fair and it makes sense [00:26:00] because it does not make sense for everyone. you know, in terms of paying for service, let’s take affiliate links for example, which is an, obviously a facet of what I do and what a lot of influencers do and what of a lot of fashion content creators do.

at this point in my. I of course have affiliate partners with different brands, different platforms and all of that good stuff. but it’s still a little awkward if friends are asking me about clothes or what belt or I need all new denim, all literally a friends texting me all the time, I need a new denim wardrobe.

I’m like, oh, that’s chill. That’ll take me literally seven hours. but even then I feel a little weird sending them links that are, I’m getting a kickback from and I have to tell myself and really hype myself up and say, Candace, This is your expertise. You know, A, what’s in style right now?

B, you’re very good with, the female form. What will be flattering C? You know, this person’s lifestyle. You’re a [00:27:00] huge value add. It’s okay to send the affiliate

Nina: Yes, and it’s nothing out of their pocket.

it’s like really

Candace: And it’s nothing out of their pocket. Right. But I’m so sensitive to it that it’s still hard for me how many years later it’s, you know, I’ve been doing this for so many years, I still feel a little guilty, which by the way, I shouldn’t.

Nina: I would’ve no problem. with a friend of mine sending me an affiliate link, I would say like a really excellent friend. On the flip side, like we’re talking a lot about this on putting the responsibility on the person, sharing the links or sharing the information, and I want some of this episode to be the responsibility on the other person.

How lovely would it be for a friend asking you to spend your time that way to say, and Candace, I know you do this for a living. Send me the affiliate link. I’ll do it through that. that would be nice. It’d be nice if someone would do that, it would take all the potential ick feeling out of somebody asking a lot of your time or somebody even copying what you’re doing if they were to say, that looks amazing on you.

So number one, flattery and really being, I mean, not false flattery.

Candace: [00:28:00] Just communication. Talk to your friend. Tell her how you feel. Female friendship is, I feel bad saying this because I clearly have a family, but it has single-handedly gotten me through the trials and tribulations of my life, and I have had many, for better or for worse.

I would not be where I am without my friends. That is. One of my number one priorities and I really do prioritize it in my life.

Because I think that that is a big part of what life’s about. It’s the best.

Nina: One other thing that I wanted to mention, I’m in the middle of reading the book Mattering, which has been. All over the place lately by Jennifer Bini. I don’t know if that’s how you pronounce her middle name Wallace. And it’s all over the place these days, mattering. It, it’s bigger than this topic, but it, this topic falls into it, which is we all want to feel acknowledged. It doesn’t even take a lot, it just takes a various little thing.

And, I do think an undercurrent of this episode is sort of feeling taken for granted. It maybe is the thing that was [00:29:00] behind the real simple question and just behind the topic in general is it would make all the difference if

you didn’t feel that the person copying, asking, imitating, wanting something from you was appreciating it. That’s all.

Candace: Absolutely. And I think that goes back to just open communication and acknowledging your friends and celebrating them for what they’re good at. You know, it sounds, fashion sounds bad, but, but it’s actually Fed my life in such a meaningful way, and I really care about it. I care about it.

I think it helps people with their confidence and identity and it’s an art form. And if my friends don’t kind of acknowledge that, that’s a big facet of who I am and that doesn’t feel right. I don’t really want friends like that. I want friends to celebrate me for who I am. Just like, I love celebrating my friends for who they are.

Even if they , don’t care at all about fashion, whatever they’re doing, it’s, you that’s why I love my friends for our differences and our unique [00:30:00] talents that we bring to the table.

Nina: Oh, I love that. That’s well said.

All right, Candace, to wrap us up and give listeners something to walk away with, I do think that. A good friend does like to share and is wanting to share with their friends. And a good friend who is asking for the share is conscious of how they’re doing it.

I guess that’s what we’re saying. It’s not wrong to ask your friends for their stuff. I mean, I leave almost any girl’s dinner. I have, even if it’s one-on-one, I feel like I leave with links and it’s, and they’re, none of them are influencers. It’s not like that. we’re helping each other.

Oh, get.

Candace: It’s fun. to share.

Nina: Yes. It can even be like, buy this vacuum. Not that one. I mean, not to sound like so domestic, it’s sometimes the research out there is so overwhelming and if someone’s already done it, like the walk, like the shoes you were saying, okay, that person’s kind of into fitness and she seems to find that shoe supportive.

Okay, sure. Let’s, let’s try that even down to what doctors to go to? All of our friends. . I had a, a brunch thing recently and we were talking about like the hormone situation. We’re all in our late forties.[00:31:00]

And you know, some people are on that, some people are aren’t. And it’s like, wait, what are you on? What are you on? And we’re just trying to fast forward the research together anyways. I want people to leave this feeling like they can ask their friends. For help, but just be aware that someone has taken the time and be grateful for it.

Candace: Exactly. I think that that is exactly right. women are powerful when we come together as a collective. So many women have so much to offer. So sharing is the best. I do think acknowledging your friends, celebrating them for what they bring to the table, their unique value proposition in terms of the friendship and life, and what they

they give to the universe is important. And if that’s the case, then it’s all good.

good

Nina: That’s a great place to end,

if you’ve listened to the podcast, which I know you have, I end every episode saying Thank you for coming, number one,

Candace: Thank you so much for having me, Nina. This has been a wonderful conversation.

Nina: [00:32:00] and come back next week when our friendships are going well, we are happier all around.

Candace: Amen.

Nina: Listeners, I forget to tell you this you can find my Facebook group. Dear Nina, the group, when you go into the search part of Facebook, just type in Dear Nina, the group, and that is a great place where you can get your anonymous friendship questions answered,

not just by me, but by other active members of the group who have been there, who feel your pain. And maybe they can even answer from the other point of view, and I’m even thinking of today’s topic, for example, you might write a question like this and someone might be able to answer from the point of view of the person who has asked their friend for free work or does ask for the links a lot, maybe it’s helpful to hear from that point of view, which you might not hear otherwise because it’s so many people coming together who care about friendship and think about it a lot.

So that’s at Dear Nina, the group. And if we’re not connected on social media, that’s at Dear Nina. Friendship on Instagram and TikTok, and even on YouTube if you wanna see the episodes. Although, like I already warned you, I’m not [00:33:00] wearing anything special in any of them. All right, have a great week.