Nina: [00:00:00] Welcome to Dear Nina, conversations about Friendship. I am your host, Nina Badzin. I’ve been writing about friendship for over a decade, podcasting about it for over four years, and you have landed on the November Friendship Challenge. That means we are in the second to last friendship challenge of 2025. This is the 11th challenge. One more to go next month. I’m not going to go over all the challenges we’ve done so far because I already did that in October. If you wanna hear me do a run through, listen to the October challenge, which was about asking your friends more questions.

But if you wanna hear me go through January and all the way through September, it took me a couple minutes. And as always in the show notes, there’ll be a link that will take you to where each challenge is nicely laid out. And as I always say, you don’t need to do the challenge in the month that I discuss it here. A lot of people come to my podcast late, they save up the episodes and listen during a vacation or they just discovered [00:01:00] it. So welcome. If you are new, I’m so happy to have you. These are timeless, ageless topics no matter the episode. and the challenges are completely separate from the month. I mean, sometimes it would make sense thematically with a month, but not necessarily. For the most part these are things that would help your friendship no matter when you do it.

If you do it one time, two times, 10 times. Really even just one time each month for each challenge would be an improvement to all of our friendships, and I do them too.

So let’s discuss what the idea is for November. This month, we are focusing on doing something generous for a friend. It’s sort of the flip of the June challenge, which was to ask a friend for a favor that was really being brave enough, hard. Much harder. I think this what I’m talking about for November, doing something generous, something kind, something unexpected for a friend is infinitely easier than June’s challenge, which was to ask a friend for a favor, which basically asking for a friend to do a kindness for you.

This is in your control completely. [00:02:00] You are going to do something generous, kind, nice, unexpected for a friend. I’m gonna give you some examples of things that people have done for me that has really inspired me to do similar types of things for other people. So I had a friend, it was five years ago already.

Um, I’m gonna shout her out. Robin, my friend Robin, sent me a cookbook completely out of the blue. It was so meaningful. We, we were not friends that were like exchanging gifts for no reason she just really felt that this was a cookbook that I would enjoy and she had been enjoying it. She sent me a fresh copy.

It did so many things. It, first of all, it was so touching. It wasn’t my birthday. It wasn’t for any reason. It was just because she thought of me and knew that I would like it. The way she was enjoying it. She was sharing her joy and it was such a generous thing to do. listen, she easily could have texted me and said, I’m really loving this cookbook.

I think you’ll like it. I mean, that would’ve been totally fine. I would not be like, oh, great. Can you send it to me? I mean, no. And we live in the same town too. We’re in town [00:03:00] friends. It just showed up totally by surprise. And then of course I started cooking out of it because she was right.

It was exactly the kind of cookbook I would be into. We both make a lot of Shabbat dinners, Friday night dinners, so there was a lot of food in there that was geared towards that. Then when I was cooking out of it, I would tell her what I made. She didn’t ask me to do that.

That’s just was a natural thing to do here. This person gave me this gift just naturally I wanted to let her know that I was using it and I, I used it a lot. I used it for probably the year it was my primary cookbook. I have to ask her if she’s still using it. I do still reference it, especially my favorite recipes I’ll go back and use, and I’ll put it in the show notes. By the way, I am not saying the name, by the way, not to be secretive because I absolutely cannot remember the name off the top of my head and I do not wanna pause and go look because then I will get distracted on my email or something else.

You know how it is, I’m sure follow internet users. So I will, look that up later and put it in the show notes when I type those up. just to review really fast. Sometimes I think people need a reminder. Any link or [00:04:00] resource reference that I mention, or not just me, any podcaster mentions in a podcast and they say it’s in the show notes that is in any place that you are listening to this podcast. So if you are listening on Spotify, apple Overcast, if you’re watching on YouTube, those links are in the notes on the app that you are using. They are right there for you. And they’re also always on my website@ninabadin.com. so that was the cookbook.

I had another friend, Julie, who also sent me a cookbook, a different one. You know what I loved about that one is that Julie sent me a vegetarian one, which was like a less obvious cookbook that I would necessarily like, but she was really enjoying it and same kind of thing. She was like, I’ve really been liking this cookbook. I think you would like some of these recipes. She told me exactly which ones were her favorite. I made those. She was right. These are such generous, kind things to do. I just loved it so much. and so it made me also think about, doing something like that for others.

during COVID my friend Nancy [00:05:00] made, lemon cello, liquor, is that what it’s called? It’s like the kind of thing you would have in Italy. she made them in these cute little jars and she dropped one off at my house and several other people’s houses. And it really encouraged a kind of chain of nice things for other people. I ended up giving some of my friends a cookbook. I guess I, I’m making myself sound like a big chef. I actually do like to cook in stages. sometimes I love it. Sometimes I just want nothing to do with it, but I still have to do it to feed people around here. but when I can get into it, I really get into it, I guess.

So I gave a cookbook to other people. I sent some books to different people for two reasons. This was during COVID. I wanted to support the local bookstore, and there was just, a couple different books out at the time I really felt people would enjoy, and I sent those around.

These are some versions of nice, unexpected things you can do. Now I wanna give you an example that doesn’t cost any money. ’cause of course those examples cost a little bit of money. This is a very fresh one. I dropped off my daughter with my husband. [00:06:00] We dropped off our daughter at the airport for her gap year.

And I’m gonna try not to get teary as I talk about this, but that was just this morning and, it’s actually quiet in the house today, so it’s a good day to record. But it, it’s about. Two 30 as I’m recording, and that was this morning. It’s taking me pretty much this far into the day to get myself together.

I have four kids. If you’re new to the podcast, if you’re not new, you’ve heard me say that a thousand times, my oldest did a gap year as well before he went to college. My daughter’s doing a gap year then going to college the next year. It’s a long time away. It’s of course the natural order of things, but it’s still hard to say goodbye.

my friend cym, shout out to cym, you know, texted me right away. Do you want me to come over? Do you want me to come sit with you, I had some plans and didn’t need her to do that. That was such a generous offer. She was acknowledging that I was in a sort of delicate state, and even though this is a great thing, what a wonderful opportunity that my daughter gets to, you know, be away and travel for nine months without, uh, me and my husband hovering over her at every [00:07:00] moment. And it’s different than being a college.

Being on a gap year is different than being in college where you come home a lot. Like my son, now that he’s in college, we see him a lot even though he is in college out of town, very different than the gap year. And it’s like my friend was acknowledging that while it’s a wonderful thing and a great opportunity, it’s still like an awkward, hard, different transition as a mom.

So that was a kind, generous thing to do that costs no money. and I had lunch today with a different friend who also kept the day, you know, open and kept it on the calendar. And even though she was very busy, and that’s my friend, Jory, even though she was super busy, a lot going on, um, the weather was horrific. We really wanted to walk and instead of rescheduling and, you know, trying to find a different day to walk, I, I think she understood that I needed to be with somebody on this day.

So we kept the date and that was a generous kind thing to do, to just leave it as is, kind of know that it gave me a structure to the day. [00:08:00] I want us to brainstorm. I guess I’m hoping that in my Facebook group at Dear Nina, the group, when I put this episode up, we can brainstorm ideas there about different kind, generous, unexpected things, we could do for our friends that, you know, it’s okay if it costs some money and it’s nice to have options that don’t cost money so that throughout the month you could see different ideas that maybe you could use all throughout the year.

One idea I love that really came up in last week’s episode with Poet Hannah Rosenberg, who just came out with a book called Same. I’m Holding it up for those of you on YouTube. You can see the cover, the, it’s a collection of poems. I had just a wonderful interview with, uh, Hannah in episode 170.

this is 1 71 for the November challenge. 170 was with Hannah. Hannah talks about people leaving a bookmark on a certain poem and. Giving it to a friend and telling a friend, this made me think of you. Is there anything more touching than when a friend sends you something that says, this made me think of you. That’s a kind, generous, unexpected thing to do. And I say generous because [00:09:00] generosity doesn’t always have to be money. Generosity is taking the time. It’s having the spirit of thinking about somebody else and then doing something about it.

It’s one thing to see something and think, oh, that reminded me of Nina. It’s another thing to take the time to take a picture send it to me. My friend Mika just did that the other day. She saw a display of journals and sent me a picture and said, this made me think of you. I really loved that.

That like gave me such a nice feeling and nice to know she was thinking of me and it made me appreciate her and it’s just a win-win. There’s no downside to thinking about this challenge for the month to just do a small gesture, doesn’t have to be a big gesture, just a small, something that is unexpected.

I think that’s the key. If it’s someone’s birthday, that’s different. Of course, it’s nice to acknowledge people’s birthdays. Okay. I did a episode on that too. I think that was April’s challenge, but the unexpected element is the key for November.

Back to Hannah for a second. I got distracted with my own [00:10:00] self here.

She has an Instagram account that has the same style of poems on there. Beautiful poems, a lot of them about friendship. They’re not all about friendship, that’s another thing is to forward one to a friend, say, this made me think of you. That costs no money whatsoever.

Just a little bit of time to find the right one and think of the right friend. I know it would be nice, like in the case with my friend Mika, she saw that and thought of me and then took the time to send it, which is wonderful, and I think that’s beautiful. I want us for November to maybe make a point to find something to send your friend, whether it’s something you literally send that costs money or it’s something that’s a text with a picture, with a saying, with something that will make your friend feel good.

That’s the only reason to do it. So you may have to purposely go out and look for something. It will be unexpected for your friend. It’s not that it’s gonna be unexpected to you. You are making a point to do this. So this surprise element isn’t there for you.

Not that there is anything wrong with just seeing something and sending it? That’s really so nice. that’s great too. [00:11:00] Just, just as wonderful for the other person. I’m just trying to push us to make a point to get it done. Uh, this month, whatever month that is, you’re listening to it, which for a lot of you will be November. The episodes always get the most listeners the month that it drops and then people find them later, but not in the same number when it’s fresh. One other example of a kind, unexpected and generous thing that I’ve had in my own life is when a friend makes something and knows that it’s something I would love or my husband would love and saves a little bit of it and drops it off. How generous is that? I’ve went through a stage where I was constantly making challah. That’s the bread that, we eat on Friday nights, the Jewish Sabbath. To really make it the way I like to make it and to say a certain prayer with it, you make a whole five pound batch, which depending on how big you make your loaves is anywhere from six to eight loaves. sometimes I will drop one off at someone’s house.

I think that’s a kind generous thing to do because you can freeze [00:12:00] all the loaves and use them for the next month. But to drop some off is sharing with a friend. So I haven’t even really used the word share here, but that is what we’re talking about. We’re talking about sharing of your resources, your time, your attention to shine a light on a friend and let them know that you appreciate them.

the other word I have not used this whole time, ’cause it just seems too on the nose for November, but it is gratitude. It is expressing gratitude for their friendship. That’s why we do these things. That’s the whole reason to do something unexpected for our friends, so that your friend knows you love them, you appreciate them. I cannot wait to hear some of the things that you do here, and we will, like I said, collect more examples ’cause there were just a few here on. Dear Nina, the group on Facebook, I will end up having a newsletter post for this too, so you can feel free to put examples in the comments there. That would be@dearnina.substack.com.

By the time you’re hearing this, or at least soon after, it might not be the same day, but by the [00:13:00] next day or two, there will be a post for the November challenge that will give you an opportunity to comment on it and give some of your ideas Or some ideas that people have bestowed upon you over the years that we can steal those ideas and do ’em for our friends.

Everyone. I kind of felt like you were here with me today on a little bit of an oddly emotional day. Well, not oddly, it’s it expectedly emotional day sending my daughter off, and it’s been a long extended summer here with her. Her program didn’t start till now as I’m recording this. So thank you for being here with me today all the things I mentioned, the cookbook, the book, same by Hannah Rosenberg and any of the Other Months Challenge, and all of that will be in the show notes.

I hope I will see you here next week or on the Facebook group or in the newsletter, or on the social media at Dear Nina, friendship, I am around in all those spots. Come back next week when our friendships are going well, we are happier all around.

You know how when you listen to a [00:14:00] podcast, the host always asks you to rate it, to review it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen.

Apple seems to matter the most. I guess it makes a difference when someone goes to the search bar, if they put in friendship and they wanna hear things about friendship. If. A podcast has a lot of reviews and stars, then that is what gets shown. I am on my way with some great ratings and reviews, but of course I could always use more.

So if you have enjoyed this episode or any other episode, I would so appreciate if you would take the time to do that. One other really helpful thing, is to just share it with a friend. Send them a text, send them an email. Say, I’m enjoying this podcast about friendship. I think you would too.

The third thing I’d say is share it on social media, because that helps me reach people I would never reach on my own.

Thank you for considering all of that. I appreciate your time and I hope I’ll see you again next week. Bye. [00:15:00]