To Make New Friends, Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Episode 13 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is about the difficulty of making new friends as an adult whether it’s because you moved to a new city, you’re in a new stage of life, or you’re lonely and could use more friends. It takes tons of time to make casual friends you want to see repeatedly and even more time to make close friends. But it’s not impossible. Difficult? Yes. Takes consistent effort and work? Also yes. But it can be done.
When I Moved to Minneapolis in My 20s
What helped me make friends in Minneapolis when I moved 20+ years ago (in my 20s) was accepting that I would often have to be the one to make the effort, and I’d have to do things out of my comfort zone. My guest, Michelle Platt, found she needed the same attitude when she moved to Minneapolis a few years ago in her 40s. This episode isn’t only about Minneapolis! Moving anywhere at any age presents challenges.
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Let me tell you about Michelle!
Michelle Platt is the founder of the blog MyPurseStrings.com where she writes about wellness, Peloton, product reviews, and her favorite finds. She’s a former teacher and attorney and she started her blog as a way to fuel her writing passion. A native New Yorker, she now lives in the suburbs of Minneapolis with two kids, two dogs, and one husband. You can find her at MyPurseStrings.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Go to her site to sign up for her excellent newsletter full of deals and great info.
Michelle was comfortably in a community in Westchester, NY with two kids in elementary school. She moved in the middle of the school year a few years ago during a polar vortex in Minneapolis when school was closed for weeks. She didn’t meet anyone right away. Then one year later, we were all dealing with the covid lock downs. Nevertheless, she forged ahead and did the work of making friends, starting with going on friend blind dates, which is how we met!
In Michelle’s words–How she made friends in her 40s!
Here’s what worked for me:
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Never say no. My sister-in-law had a friend for me to meet. We randomly texted and then met up. She’s now my best friend here. Do I want to be a room parent (no, not really) but instead, sign me up. Yes, I’ll volunteer at school. Yes, I’ll join that workspace. Yes, I’ll welcome new families to the district. Sure, I’ll try out that new yoga class. Yes, yes, yes.
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Put yourself out there. Just like dating, make it known that you’re new and open to meeting people.
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Accept Facebook requests from people you’ve met once. Enjoy talking to someone? Friend them. Comment on their photos. Message them. All of this in a non-creeper way.
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Don’t settle. Just because you meet up with someone once or twice, don’t feel obligated to force a close friendship. Move on. Your person is out there.
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Cast a wide net. The best thing I did since moving was to start a Facebook Group for Newbies and Transplants. We have a group of close to 500 members. One woman planned our first ever night out. She’s now one of my closest friends. Others branched off and started their own book club. I joined.
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Take initiative. Be proactive. Be a planner. Meet someone you like? Ask her to meet up for coffee. Even better, go for a walk together.
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Communicate. Read something funny? Share it with your new friend via text or messenger. Start a group text of people who have things in common. I found, the more I communicated, the more we connected.
The cliff notes version: I’ve put myself out there, more than I ever have in my life. And as much as people tell me that they hate social media, I’ve embraced it, especially Facebook.
Thanks to Michelle for coming on the show and being vulnerable about what it really took to meet new friends.
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One Response
Just listening to this episode- so where do I find the Minneapolis Facebook group for people from elsewhere? Sounds like something I need.