Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In episode 29, Chaz Sandifer and I talked about the reality of outgrowing friendships, friends who disappear in the good times but show up in bad times, and so much more.
Meet Chaz Sandifer:
Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Chaz is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota.
Along with her young adult children, Janae and Jalen, they help the community heal from the inside out. She personally speaks often about owning a health and wellness business as a Black woman. One of her main specialties is discussing generational wealth. Chaz has a weekly podcast with WCCO called Fitness Revolution with Chaz. More recently, she’s taken on a role as a co-leader for the communications work group at The University of Minnesota in the department for Community Engagement to Advance Research and Community Health.
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Highlights from my conversations with Chaz:
— We talked about what made Chaz realize it was time to let some friendships go.
“Over the course of 10 years, as I’ve grown as an entrepreneur, I realized there are people in your life who are there for a season, some people who are in our lives forever, and some who are there to teach a lesson and just for you to take the next step.” ~ Chaz
“‘Must be nice’ is not a compliment. ‘Must be nice’ is always full of jealousy or envy, which is very dangerous in a friendship and in your journey.” ~ Chaz
— We discussed how outgrowing a friendship doesn’t always have to be framed in a negative way. Sometimes it’s very mutual and natural part of growing up. What gets tricky is when it’s not mutual!
— We agreed it can be easier to find friends who are there in the hard times as opposed to the good times. We both know that friends get tired of us promoting on social media, etc.
— It’s important to compliment and encourage your friends!
— “We are drawn to people who show us affection and encouragement.” ~ Nina
— “People can show up for each other without buying the product.” ~ Nina
— Beyonce’s “beyhive”
— growing into friendships through our businesses and other ways too
— facing conflict with friends
— Regarding jealousy in a friendship:
— “There is no jealousy or envy in a good relationship.” ~ Chaz
— Taking responsibility for our roles in friendship issues:
“If you weren’t healed at a moment, you might have been giving off an energy that wasn’t positive, which made people back off. And then sometimes people bring energy to you and that’s not what you need. Then when you have found where you’re at in life, you definitely know what type of energy to bring in; you can tell immediately the older you get. That’s why I think it’s great that you get older each year, because you get a little wiser.” ~ Chaz
— teaching kids that if everyone is upset with you, it’s not everyone else being a jerk (usually), sometimes we owe an apology
— difference between friends, acquaintances, and associates
— We both agree, pick up the phone!
“What people portray in front of people is not really what a lot of times is going on behind closed doors. So their friendships are also a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If you’re having true, authentic friendships or you’re making new friends, that’s how you feel. I feel like I’m a good person. I can relate and I can gravitate to something new, whatever that may be. But if you’re like still trying to heal, which I give people grace, sometimes that reflects how they can show up for you in that friendship.” ~ Chaz
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Latest posts by Nina Badzin (see all)
- Dear Nina in The Guardian - May 1, 2024
- Overtalking, Undertalking, and Lessons for Friendships in the Art of Storytelling - April 30, 2024
- Dear Nina in The Wall Street Journal - April 27, 2024
- 5 Friendship Issues to Consider Addressing with a Therapist - April 17, 2024
