Friendship and Sobriety
Welcome to episode #17 of Dear Nina: Conversations about Friendship. In this episode I spoke to Jen Gilhoi about sobriety, from addiction to all levels of sober living and how friendships transition and sometimes completely phase out in early sobriety.
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About Jen
Jen Gilhoi is an event experience strategist and founder of Sparktrack, and recently launched AddWomxn to create inclusive spaces and elevate BIPOC creatives. In her life and work she is fascinated with the art of gathering and intentional conversations. She especially loves lingering behind and reliving moments others have long since moved on from. It’s in her DNA.
In 2014, she moved on from active addiction and began a sober lifestyle. As an introvert and moderate empath, she’s discovered that the written word is her avenue to invite others into inquiry and shatter stigmas around addiction. To further that passion, she’s a board member of Dissonance, an organization that promotes mental health and recovery in and through the arts. She also shares her experiences in blog and short story format as an invitation to others to engage in healthy self and societal inquiry to heal and be well.
A recent piece on Jen’s site compares her relationship with alcohol to first a friend and then a friendship breakup. In Jen’s words, “Alcohol personifies a friend in this piece that touches on how cunning, baffling, and powerful it is as it wraps itself into one’s identity, making the breakup unbearable.”
We discussed:
— Jen gave some context to her own story of starting to drink in her late teens and not enjoying the taste, but enjoying how it made her feel. We discussed alcohol as the center of a lot of social outings in college and beyond. At age 40 as the stakes got higher for Jen’s life, she started working on sobriety and at 42 was completely sober.
— We discussed whether people in recovery want to be congratulated for their sober anniversaries.
— How can people unpair activities formerly tied to alcohol like making dinner, for example?
— Are the different friendships compartmentalized — sober friends and others?
— While the sober individual has come through trauma, those who support someone through addiction and recovery also experience pain. How does that factor in? What is the healing process to sustain those friendships going forward?
— What is the best thing we can do as supportive friends of those living a sober life?
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Latest posts by Nina Badzin (see all)
- Dear Nina in The Guardian - May 1, 2024
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- Dear Nina in The Wall Street Journal - April 27, 2024
- 5 Friendship Issues to Consider Addressing with a Therapist - April 17, 2024
2 Responses
I have 18 yrs of a sober life and related to this story. thanks for sharing. I appreciate her honesty and found it inspiring and touching.
Thank you for taking the time to comment here. Yes, Jen’s candor was so helpful and I loved your words—inspiring and touching. Congratulations on 18 years!