Understanding Introvert Energy in Friendships
Today we’re talking about a topic that people have written to me about consistently over the years–friendships between introverts and extroverts.
Here to help me is Heidi Shertok, who told me that being an introvert in an extrovert’s world has presented some problems for her in her friendships from time to time. PLUS, I was so excited to talk to Heidi about her trailblazing novel in the romance genre–a romance starting an Orthodox Jewish woman. You’ve heard of Amish romance? Now there’s an Orthodox romance to compete!
Meet Heidi Shertok
Heidi is becoming very well known as a romantic comedy writer in the US and abroad. Heidi’s new novel, Unorthodox Love, has a fun, trailblazing niche—a romcom starring an Orthodox Jewish woman. We spent a little time in the episode on the unlikely path to the mainstream publication of this book, how Heidi got her agent, and more juicy publishing tidbits.
Find Heidi on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.
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Topics We Covered:
- Defining an introvert’s energy vs. an extrovert’s and an ambivert’s energy
- Suggestions for making plans in a way that honors your introvert need to conserve energy if you are one (Heidi and I are both introverts.)
- The challenge of being an introvert in the Orthodox Jewish community
- Communicating your needs to friends as an introvert.
- Not taking it personally when your introvert friend doesn’t want to talk on the phone daily or gets overwhelmed after a lot of socializing.
- The role of social media and online friendships with introversion and extroversion and how we spend our energy.
- The dangerous combination of being an introvert and a people pleaser.
- How Heidi got her niche Orthodox romantic comedy published with a mainstream publisher. Also, how she got her agent. It’s a great story!
- The tricky nature of self-promotion for both of us.
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2 Responses
I’m an ambivert and I’m also not shy. I often think of it as having a higher threshold before I need alone time and needing less recharge time than others. And for me it’s about the environment. I could go out 3 or 4 nights a week on a fairly regular basis with friends, but I really hate running errands or places where I’m going to have to make small talk. Like I need downtime after services every Saturday or after running an event. Whereas my boyfriend is fairly introverted and likes how involved I am in the synagogue because it guarantees him alone time when I’m at services or in meetings or that we can be in the same room together not talking while I work on emails.
I always appreciate your thoughtful comments after you hear an episode. I totally hear you on the difference between being with people in a social situation like shul as opposed to the small talk on an errand and the different energy this requires from us.