I’ve been here before in a smartphone crisis. In 2013, I wrote a four-part series for The Forward about being too attached to my iPhone. Some of those habits I changed then are still helping me today and they’re similar to ones Catherine Price suggests in her book, How to Break Up With Your Phone. The one that comes to mind is not charging my phone in the bedroom, which I stopped doing five years ago. I never looked back. (It helps that my husband has excellent phone habits. He has never used his phone in our room and does zero social media.)
Price’s other suggestions will be harder and I’m still digesting them. She doesn’t advocate a total black and white approach, which I appreciate. She knows the phones have good uses, too, and she knows it’s not realistic at this point for most big smartphone users to suddenly go cold turkey. She suggests getting rid of the social media apps, for example, and only using them on the computer. I’m not sure that’s the right choice for me as a writer. The moment I open my laptop to work, wouldn’t I be compelled to check Facebook, etc.? (Says the addict.) Yeah, I have a problem.
I’m going to be thinking about her many suggestions for a few days and picking a few to add to my life. Because one thing is clear: I’m too darn attached to my phone.
We finally (“finally”) let our 8th grader have Instagram a few days ago. My husband didn’t want to, but I felt it was time. I hope it wasn’t a huge mistake. I’m afraid I already know the answer. He didn’t have much to see on his phone before. (We took off Safari from the get go and no YouTube, etc.) But now? Now it’s a magic portal of Instagram, a bottomless pit of pictures and stories and videos to eat away at time that used to be spent on other things. Why did I give in? I could see that he was the last of his social circle. Even adult family members were telling me it was time. I’m staying firm on Snapchat as the whole streak thing really disturbs me. An app that rewards people for constantly using the app is pretty messed up and self-serving for owners of the app. Aren’t we suckers, you guys!? So Instagram will have to do for now. But did I ruin this kid? Obviously, I hope not.
One suggestion from Price I instituted right away was changing my home screen and lock screen to something that would force me to ask myself why I was touching the phone. Was I bored? Uncomfortable with the moment at hand? Avoiding the work I was trying to do? I wrote “focus” on a sticky note, snapped a picture, and now that’s what I see when I try to get out of the lock screen. Let’s hope it helps.
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12 Responses
I love this! You are full of good ideas. Good on you for holding out on Instagram for your kids at least until 8th grade. That’s better than most of us.
This is great Nina! I need to look at her suggestions and apply some! Thank you for writing about this.
Great idea, Nina! I recently took Facebook off my phone and it’s freeing. And while I see your point about Snapchat, I’ve found it to be a wonderful way to stay connected with my daughter in college. Of course kids keep streaks just for the sake of streaks, but for us it’s been an easy way to touch base quickly.
I’m so thankful that smartphones and pervasive social media did not exist until my kids were older!
People think I’m nuts for still owning a “dumb” phone, but I’m already addicted enough to being on the computer that I know it would get 10X worse if I owned a smart device. I think you’re doing some wise things to keep your usage in check! And I like the “Focus” idea—I should totally put that as the desktop picture on my computer 🙂
I admire you for using a scaled down phone!
Nina, I absolutely agree that smartphones have many excellent uses. I don’t want to be like some college professors who said, “Well, WE didn’t have laptops in college.”
Boundaries are definitely necessary. Push notifications are turned off for email, but email is on my phone in case I am away from my office and need to check it.
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Yep, I have the notifications off for everything. But I still end up checking it all way more than I should. Thanks for reading!
I am right there with you on social media and kids. I have been reading a lot about this recently. Having a 22, 20 and 10-year old I have been immersed in this for quite a while now. My 10-year-old has been asking for a phone for over a year and it’s an emphatic NO. I really like your idea of taking a picture of a word and putting it on the lock screen.
Great question/post, Nina.
Kelly,
You should write a book about raising a kid now and what it was like having a 10-year-old ten years ago. I suspect it’s quite different!
Had not thought of that one. I am in the HerStories group and Jess suggested I write a book about another topic. WOW! I am having trouble writing one. Thank you for the thought. You may have hit on an idea.
I wrote out “what is the best use of my time right now” and save it to my lock screen. It’s on my insta story highlights if it will help you, Nina.
I have found the screen time usage on the iPhone very insightful and am determined to keep my Instagram usage to 1 hour a day (currently at 1hr30ish). I don’t mind the other sections being higher because I take a lot of photos, answer email from my phone and read/ listen to podcasts on here while cooking/ tidying.
That’s a great line to have on the phone. Thank you!